Yeah i worry too, but you cant base your life on outcomes that may never happen.

DH has bi-polar and i could swear his EX has schizophrenia as well either that or assholistis. The kids have some serious issues but i think theirs are due to lack of structure, discipline and manipulation and lies on BM's part.

If you raise a child in a stable happy loving environment then you should have no problems. You can not predict the future. And if you find you child is unwell in some way, there are medications and therapy.

Yeah, DH has one kid with Cranial Cynostosis. The BM he had her with has 2 other kids that are severely autistic. As in they're going to end up institutionalized. Her other two aren't exactly normal, either. When I found out I was pregnant last summer, I was horrified that our baby might be a dud, too. The surgery to correct the Cranial Cynostosis damaged SD8s brain, and now she's definately "off" so she's really hard to deal with.

But our LO turned out completely perfect. Nice to know it's just BM2 that's a fruit pie. I'm really glad that we had her after all, even though 6 is a lot. I'd love to try once more for twins, but this last pregnancy was so hard, and SD8 makes me so nuts that I wouldn't dare consider it as long as she's living here. But if she shuffles back to the trailer park with Turleen, I could be persuaded.

At the risk of being ridiculed I feel the need to reveal this on this particular post. My mother has schizophrenia... actually that was her original diagnosis. She is now classified as schizoaffective (schizophrenia with major depression). I also believe that 2 of her 7 siblings also had this disorder, but neither of them ever received a diagnosis or saw a doctor. And I know that my grandmother had an issue with paranoia to the point that she slept with butcher knives under her pillow. And all of the men in my mother's family, and my mother, had issues with alcohol abuse. Point being, there is a history of major mental issues in my own bloodline.

I have no issues with any kind of paranoia or anything. I have 3 bio children. NONE of them have exhibited any kind of behavior that would cause me any kind of concern that mentally they have been affected at all. They are very normal 10, 13, and 17 year old kids.

Trying to judge by sk's what your children will be like is not going to give you an accurate measure of what your child could be like. There are so many things to consider... discipline/consequences being one thing, environment being another. When I was a young adult, I did have issues with fear. I no longer have that issue because I addressed it. I had the issue because when I was growing up, my mother would say things during her breakdowns that made me think I had to fear certain situations. That was something I carried over to my adulthood, faced the fears and learned that there really was nothing to be feared. Not to mention that each child YOU have is also not going to be alike. 1 thing I learned with 5 kids in 1 household is that EACH child had their own personality. 1 was the rebel/black sheep of the family, 1 was the drama queen/social butterfly, 1 was the jock, 1 was the quiet one, and 1 was the brain. Of course each child had other traits as well, but these are the traits that stuck out the most for each one.

Of course, having children is a very personal decision, so I am in no way telling you that you SHOULD have a child. All I am saying is, don't base your decision on things that you really can't compare. For example, Lola has made a decision based on personal physical reasons (lack of knowledge about her own family history). Sure I worried about my mom's family history when I had children... absolutely I did. I went through HELL dealing with my mother's illness when I was growing up. Did I REALLY want to take the chance going through all of that again with my own child? Thankfully for me, I believe in God and had faith that He would protect my children (and me) by not causing us to have to endure anymore mental illness in our family line. But again, it is absolutely a very personal decision. I just don't want to see anyone deprive themselves of a very wonderful, special thing (motherhood) because of "possibilities". The possibilities are endless, both negatively AND POSITIVELY.

Not to sound "mean" here, but yes I am worried as well. Funny you brought this up about birth defects. I am NOT trying to "brag" on myself or family but, there are zero "birth defects" that have run down in the family, all the way down to my own BK19. Zero...
DH's side however, has a few. DH had braces on his legs until he was a year old, his own kid, SD6 was born with "an extra nose"??? no, not kidding. They had plastic surgery done on SD6...twice, it would have only been once but BM was not watching SD6 (then 1) and SD6 fell down on her face...yeah.
So...a tad bit concerned about a few things here myself.

I hate to sound so Eugenics here, but it worries me so. Anyways~ just relating to your post/ question. :O

Even if I were the type to want kids (I'm not) I would be very worried about the kids having issues.

Cystic Fibrosis and Crohn's run in my family. Diabetes runs in DH's. We're both alcoholics (mostly sober with occasional falls off the wagon) and have depression issues.

Any kid of ours would start at the bottom of a loooong hill with a lot to overcome. Why would we want to burden someone with those handicaps?

Sure have. I feel my exDH was a sociopath and I think his son is one too. There are some abnormalities that come from BM, but most of them were from exDH.