New to this forum and seeking some sanity:)
I am married 5 years (together 7) to a widower with two SD. They are now 22 and 19 and they make my life so hard. They are disresptful to me, dismiss me and my DH doesn't see it and says its me. Ihave raised them supported them as if they were my own as their mother has passed. My DH was single for 3 years before we met. His children are so mean to me but when he is around they are nice and so it seems I am the one with the problem. I never wanted to take their mothers place (nor could I) but to not be respected is very hard. I do know that alot of this is that he has allowed hiw daughters to treat me poorly and he just wants peace in the house it seems at my expense. I do not have my own bio kids but being a SM is way harder than I thought. We only fight about the kids I hope it gets better for us both. I stay because I love my husband and pray everyday that eventually they will move out next year. Any suggestions to get through it? Thank you again for all your posts it is nice to know I am not alone.
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Wow. I know just how you
Wow. I know just how you feel! Any chance that they will move to a different country?
Are you in the same situation
Are you in the same situation as me? I have been struggling for years therapy etc. I am trying to learn the art of "detatchment" but its hard as he lets them walk all over him and me. Do you have step children too? Thanks for your support I feel so alone as unless you are or have been a step you dont know how painfull it can be to always be reminded you don't belong in their family.
Not quite the same situation,
Not quite the same situation, no deceased ex on his side. But all of us here are struggling with this kind of thing. It is soooo frustrating, but you are not alone. The ladies here are really helpful and it's a great place to just vent so you can keep some sanity. My BF has three spoiled princesses and the oldest acts like she's the real wife. I thought we were all getting along great until she revealed her true self to me.
I thought I was terrible for feeling like I did. They are soooo sweet when their dad is around, so innocent! But under that they are bitchy and controlling and I feel like there's no room for me in that situation. Their dad just doesn't see it, even when they do something outrageous!
Welcome here. It helps.
Good words, sueu2!
Good words, sueu2!
I will never understand this
I will never understand this when I read about adult step children who are mean and nasty when a parent remarries. Does it all boil down to a greed thing? Are they concerned that you are stealing their inheritance? That is the only semi logical reason I can come up with.
My mother lost my step father almost 5 years ago and I would be over joyed if she found someone to share the rest of her life with. I can't imagine hating someone who loved my mother and treated her well. I just don't get it!
I am a SM and a Sk too. I am
I am a SM and a Sk too. I am 33 years old. My father passed away 10 years ago and my mom re-married 6 years ago.
Of course i am happy for my mom and the man she married is great but thank god I am a mature woman because it is still hard.
When I know my children would spend more time with my mom except that it is overwhelming for her DH, or when I have to now call and ask if it is okay to come over when before I would just drop by because it is his time with my mom, those are things we have to get used to. He is the complete opposite of my father but like i said he is really nice and tries so he will never know any of these negative feelings I have. After all he is my childrens papa and they don't know any different.
But it takes maturity and I have no idea how I would of reacted if i had been any younger.
I do know how you feel! I
I do know how you feel! I have two SD's both 17 and I am raising them and have been for the last 4 years. Their BM is not deceased but the have very limited contact with her.
The past two years have been the hardest and I was always the one telling my DH that they are teenagers we can get through it, but the behaviour is getting worse. They are wonderful girls-most of the time. The excel at school, are leaders in the school, are into all the sports, have part time jobs lifeguarding, but when it comes to us they are really rude and don't think they should have to do much around the house because they are busy. Well we are all busy.
It has even come up with my faimly and DH's about how the girls speak so rudely to us.-Even their cousin who is the same age is surprised with how they talk to us. And our DS is starting to imitate this behaviour which I will not put up with.
I am really hoping this phase is done soon, but in the meantime we are really encouraging them to go away to University next year.
As for advice I think I would sit your husband down and let him know exactly how you are feeling, then sit the girls down and see if they are ready to go out on their own and give it a try. You can tell them that their rooms are still here if it dosen't work out but the time has come.
Good luck!