Does Life with Stepkids Ever get any Better?
I'm about broken down to the point of giving in and calling it quits. My husband and I just had another argument about the adult stepkids. All I wanted to know was exactly why the youngest stepdaughter had changed her mailing address back to our home address as she is not living here. All I got is that it was something about financial aid for school, then he stomped out of the house. I just about cannot take it anymore. I guess I am to blame for everything. I am so very, very tired. Sometimes I feel like I cannot cope anymore and I'm nothing like the person I used to be. I want to just give up, take my boys and leave. Get out of here. Leave the man I love with all of my heart just to get away from the stepkid bullshit. I am just so tired...my work at home isn't any good, my work at work isn't any good, and my life, that I used to love, just isn't any good anymore. The fight is just too much. Does it ever get any better when there are adult step children involved and their BM and BM's father are still the driving force behind the step kids that I raised from the time they were in the 4th grade up until now when they are all in their mid to late twenties? I don't know that it will get any better. My family says to ignore them, but it seems impossible. They are always in my face. I don't feel good, I am tired, and the person that I think the world of is letting me down.
Comments
I sometimes wonder if a
I sometimes wonder if a separation wouldn't just fix the problem. If we got back together there would be this sense of knowing why it happened in the first place and what it would be like to not have me there in my DH's life. If it went the other way, then I could just start over. I would move AWAY for sure. So those Skids didn't know my every move. We live in a very small town.
Yes, I think that would be great to put some good presents for yourself under the tree. My skids seldom get their half brothers or I anything for Christmas and birthdays, but they do expect presents, good presents to be given to them for their birthdays and Christmas. I guess they are "entitled" to them.
The satan comment was
The satan comment was aggrivating, but nothing compared to the phone message she left on our answering machine telling me what a bad mom I am to her, her siblings and "expecially to her little half brothers". It was priceless. I couldn't decide after I got done listening to that one the other day if I wanted to laugh because it was so ridiculous, or if I wanted to file a restraining order on her. Too weird. I'm just expected to smile and deal with it. I'm having a hard time with it right now. I feel stepped on.
SA - he should not even let
SA - he should not even let it be said to him - once he hears something he can't undo the action. So by listening to his children he is showing them that it is okay to talk about his wife that way - I would ask him how he would feel if one of them became a step parent how would he feel if the husband of his daughter would let his kids talk about his daughter (their SM) like that. My mother always said what goes into your head one way or another comes out of you - whether in actions, speaking or attitude. Your DH needs to stop the nasty talking to him - if these entitled brats want to talk amongst themselves fine but if they start to say even one thing against you they should be told to STFU!!!
I've tried to explain this to
I've tried to explain this to my DH in the past. If he would handle all badmouthing quickly and consistently by telling them that he doesn't want to hear it from them anymore then it would stop, but I think what he does is listen to them spout off and then doesn't say anything, changes the subject, or tries to pacify them. He needs to tell them clearly that he no longer wants to hear this from them about me. I sometimes ask him if they understand the word "no" because it seems to me that telling those skids "no" really has "no" effect on them whatsoever and that is because he never reinforced "no" with the actions that usually follow "no" when "no" is ignored. Oh, and I do know that he tells them things like, "I'll think about it" and "maybe" which in their minds means "yes" when normally "I'll think about it" and "maybe" mean no with the possible option to have a change of mind, but until then these words mean "no".
I'm working on disengaging
I'm working on disengaging and this is the part I didn't think about... Not asking about them. Sd26 and her husband moved out and are working to buy a house. I'm not supposed to care but I want to know how they're doing. Here's my new trick. Dh and I call his parents to check in together a couple times a week. Mil always asks about skids. Dh tell them what's new. I get to know and never had to ask.
You're right. I even said
You're right. I even said those words, "I've had it!" just yesterday.
How are you pulling that off,
How are you pulling that off, having Thanksgiving without the adult step morons? I want to know. I would love having a wonderful Thanksgiving without a bunch of bullshit, tears, anger, hatred, drama from them. They have always expected me to cook, clean and take care of them. It really does suck. They are grown adults now and can take care of themselves. What they should be doing is putting a dinner on for me at their homes, but I'm sure they would invite the stepwitch...Now that would be really fun.
Still, you are free of the
Still, you are free of the crap at least for the moment.
I have a delima. My sister-in-law (husband's brother's wife) who loves to stir the crap with my Skids will be having Thanksgiving dinner at her house and wants us to come. I know she has invited all of the Skids. My DH told me that all of the Skids have other plans and not to worry about it, but I know the little darlings will be there and that this is just a big set up. I'm not looking forward to it and would like to skip it entirely. I'm trying to figure out how to get out of it. I would rather have dinner with my own family than put up with a bunch of crap the entire day.
Oh my, I had no idea this
Oh my, I had no idea this mess could continue into adulthood. I was honestly expecting them to just disappear at 18. *poof* in a puff of smoke and they were gone! It's not going to work that way? I don't think I'm going to be able to make it if that isn't true
Yes, it continues on and on
Yes, it continues on and on and on....You might be OK if your stepkids grow up emotionally. Mine have not and I don't expect them to. In fact, mine act as though they are going emotionally backward instead of forward. If your husband sticks up for you right now and is consistent with that behavior, then you might be safe from bad treatments by the stepkids in the future.
Seriously, BLOCK calls,
Seriously, BLOCK calls, emails, whatever it takes.
And BTW, I'm curious, that message she left you, what did your DH say about it? Probably the same watered down BS my DH use to say "oh, she's just joking with you". YEA, RIGHT, WHATEVER.
I for one, am looking forward to the rest of my life, NEVER to buy the adult SD brats another gift or hand them money. It will all be up to dear daddy to do the gift giving and contact. I've virtually cut them out of my life for good. And I'm much happier for it.
We both starred at the phone
We both starred at the phone together as the message went off. For this particular message he said "What the hell? That's hillarious it is so crazy". He was right on that one, it is crazy. His daughter is crazy and he knows it, but he really doesn't want to do anything about it. I used to keep track of all messages, voicemails, all of it that used to come in from her, but then I stopped because she seemed to be doing better after she had her baby two years ago. Yes, she has a two year old. Very scary for both of us because we worry about what she might do, but, she does have a wonderful boyfriend who is the baby's father who comes from a really good family. We're still not sure what he was thinking. We both agree on this one. I am once again documenting as much as I can that comes from her. She is frightening and in the past has been violent. My sister and one of my friends both suggested I try to get a restraining order on her. I suspect, if a restraining order was approved it would piss her off beyond belief and possibly make things even worse. So, I have a delema. I know that if I file a restraining order on her and my husband finds out he will lose his lid. But she is crazy, and has created a lot of worries for me not just in the past, but as you can see, now. I would be happy to cut her and the rest of the stepbrats out of the picture and not do anything with any of them anymore. My youngest stepdaughter is pretty good most of the time, so it is going to be difficult to completely stop spending time with her, although life sucks when she gets on the bandwaggon with the rest of them. I would really enjoy putting on Thanskgiving dinner without any of them around this year and just have my family there, my kids, my husband at the dinner table without any crazy drama and freaking out. A relaxing Thanksgiving would be wonderful.
Holiday's are easy for us.
Holiday's are easy for us. The SD Step-brat adults NEVER wanted to have Thanksgiving with their dad, and always spent Christmas Eve/Day with the PASed BM. Nice, huh??? They've been mean to dear daddy for 6 years now since the divorce, and well before I came along. I'm just the scapegoat now.
We're going to have a nice Thanksgiving Dinner with MY FAMILY (mom and dad, bro and nieces). For Christmas, DH can figure out where and when he wants to exchange gifts with his little shits. I'm again, doing dinner at our house with MY FAMILY.
Ahhhhhh.....peace during the Holidays this year
I'm not getting/making them
I'm not getting/making them any Christmas presents this year. They blew it. I've always went out of the way to get them what they want. Not this year. They are on their own. I'm sure my DH has stashed cash away so he can pamper his little adult darlings out of his ex-wife when the money should really be going back into our household. These kids are old enough, big enough now to be able to handle it. They don't dote away on me or their little half brothers, or on my DH. Why should it go the other way?
I was getting ready to get them gifts, but then they started this recent crap. So, that's it.