In my case, BM is psycho---BPD and Bipolar, though now she claims she isn't, however, DH has records and records of her hospitalizations and psych visits.

She is happy because she has a boyfriend - she was psycho because she saw her ex being really nice to someone and that never happened for her so she is pissed that she did not get the good DH - as people get older sometimes they realize the mistakes they made in their youth and they change. For the new family it is great not so much for the old spouse left behind,

In my situation I think the BM is psycho because she wants to be in control of everything even DH and she can't because their is a new sheriff in town (ME ). She actually wrote in an email this past January to me -(I told her I was going to have DH call her because we were not getting anywhere) she wrote that would only put him in the doghouse - I wrote back that would be okay because the only doghouse he needs to worry about is mine - that she needs to learn that her doghouse doesn't mean shit to DH.

She cheated on him and had him leave the house - but when he got married again so quickly I think she was in shock that he would move on - when he first found out that she was cheating with about 3 different guys he still wanted to make it work and suggested counseling anything to make it work - would write her really nice emails begging her to stay when she made it clear that that was not happening - she killed whatever love he had for her - he met me within a month of moving out (the marriage had been bad for 1 1/2 years previous - it just took DH that long to realize it was over) but once he did he moved on and never looked back. I think still to this day 7 years later she gets pissed that he is happy and she has not control. DH and I also have a DD and when we got married she sent SS out to live with us I know it was to break us up but when that did not work and we threatened to take her to court to pay CS she took him back - so now I am even happy and less stressed so I know that burns her ass as well.

Also sometimes for the BM it is because someone else is helping to raise their child and I know if DH and I ever got divorced I would not like anyone else being a mother to my daughter - it would be so very hard for me. Some are psycho because their ex cheated on them so their is that resentment.

The BM in my situation is Bi-Polar and..I quote "Borderline personality with Histrionic and narcissitic (sp?) features" My DH has her psyche eval records, I have read them and it's quite disturbing. The GAL and the psyche elvaluator stated in their responses that BM is alienating her other two children from their father and will most likely participate in this same unstable behavior regarding SD. They also said BM has a "severe anger issue".

Besides BM being very emotionally disturbed, I believe BM has some resentment issues and control issues. She honestly believes she is the victim every time she has a blow up, run in with the law, or melt down. BM loves how she can use SD as a pawn to hurt DH. I could go on and on..But you get the idea

I don't know.

I truly believe some of the BM's have BPD or another mental disorder. I think most of the others are selfish and are hurting their own kids. I think they all need professional help.

DH thinks our BM is bi-polar but SHE says she isn't and refuses to get treatment.

I think the reason BM won't acknowledge this possibility despite many personal and professional problems is, she likes the 'power' she feels over people, who try to keep her from flipping out - well fortunately we are not on that list.

Thank God she lives far away! lol

I think my BM is nutty because of genetics and her upbringing - her mom is also nutty and was a HORRIBLE mother. With that being said, it results in nutball behavior - controlling, delusional, etc...

I also meant to add is their any other kind of BM - than a psycho one - I have not read one blog on here that does not state that the BM is psycho unless it is the poster who is also a stepmother - never heard of a normal BM that is just a BM - lol

It does seem many if not most of the BMs on here share a lot of the same behaviors and attitudes, whether or not it rises to the level of an actual illness. They are controlling, entitled, jealous, manipulative, vicious, foul mouthed, crude, gutter-minded, have no sense of fair play or awareness of their own faults and failings...kind of like the worst reality show actors...maybe they learn it there? Many common features...and people are on here because this type of BM makes the situation so poisonous and difficult. People with nice, balanced, rational, mature BMs don't need to get support. Unless the kids are difficult and that's a whole other story.

Why are they like that? Spoiled, selfish, dominated DH, divorce brings out the worst in people. So many times a bully marries a people pleaser. They get the nads to leave her, or she leaves them, but then there's hell to pay when the control object dares to have his own life.

Ours isn't this bad, but at times she's been underhanded, greedy, played the victim, badmouthed DH to friends and family, withheld info, been verbally abusive to him...but she's mainly dependent and very immature and not very smart...at over 50 years old. Her biggest issue is her non-parenting and the trouble it has led to with the SKs.