3 jobs? You poor thing!!! You must be exhausted. You're no moron b/c you care!! DH not backing you, that doesn't sound good...

I don't think you are a moron. I think you are a woman with too much on her plate. Something has to give here and from the sounds of it, it sounds like DH needs to be doing the giving. I'm sure you have tried to talk to him about having a united front and all that, but have ya'll tried counseling? Would DH be open to it? I'm sorry that you are going thru all of this and I think you are doing everything you can to keep your family together. So, does that make you a moron? No. It makes you a great person.

OMG I just want to give you a hug.

Recently I had a situation where my DH was just not listening...going about his business...living his life freely and openly while I was running ragged trying to make everything perfect for everything else.

Finally, I trapped him in the car on the way to the grocery store and said the following....

"Honey, I love you. But if you don't want me to turn into Kate Gosselin, you need to pull over and hear me out. We are not leaving this car without a plan. "

Through laughter it works. I realize with my husband that I need to get drastic for him to truly hear me. I am new and have not really learned about your entire history, but this worked for me and I just wanted to offer you an option. I guess no man wants us to turn into her. lol

Good luck.

Momof9 - I looked at your bio and I didn't see how many stepkids you have and how many are your own bios.

I want to commend you for working so hard. It sounds like you have tried so hard you have exhausted yourself physically and emotionally. To me that means that you may not be in the best state of mind to be able to handle when SD is being a sh*t, because you are just too tired. You need a break and some help!

Hall9293 has a great idea. Your DH needs communication from you that he hears and understands, not just blocks out, or thinks of as nagging, you're tired so he doesn't take it seriously, etc etc. If humor works with your DH great! What worked for me was talking to my husband about HIS upbringing and if his parents would let him get away with some of the behaviors that SD was doing. (And we only have the 1 girl - my skid, his daughter - so I am not nearly as exhausted as you! I also didn't have to worry about him saying - well you let YOUR kids do ... xyz... !!) It was interesting though when I would say, "My parents would never let me do this. What about yours?" And he would be like 'Hell no!' and tell me a story or whatever. At that point, it was easier to bring the conversation back around to SD and what she needed from us as parents. Sometimes he would answer with... "I grew up with that and I am not doing that to my kid". But at least he thought about it. You know?

Men don't generally verbalize as we do. And I dare say , even think about it as much as we do. They just act. We think about our actions, and then act, and then sometimes think some more!! They go more on gut - whether it is helpful or not - while we reason. Do you agree?

Anyway, I just think that you need to talk to your DH just you and he alone.

Also, as far as your SD, the squeeky wheel gets the grease, and also gets to be the most annoying, and gets to be the one that really really gets on our nerves. How are the other skids (if there are any?) How do they treat you? I'm tempted to say "don't let one bad apple ruin the whole bunch"... but I don't know enough about all of the family dynamics at this time.

Hugs girl. Can you go treat yourself to some quiet time and a nap?