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BM the new dirty word?

KIMBO89's picture

Submitted by KIMBO89 on Fri, 10/01/2010 - 12:49am

New to the site, but am wondering if I am in the right spot....

Little background on myself, I am a Birth Mom to a 11 year old son, and 8 year old daughter from my first marriage, I was his 3rd wife at the time, and was a step mom to 4 other children for a good 8 years, and had to deal with 2 BM's. I have custody and their dad and his 4th wife take the kids EOWE.

I am now re-married and am now a Step-Mom to a 4 year old girl, Birth Mom to our 2 year old daughter, and expecting our last child, a girl, in January.

I found the site because I am having problems dealing with my step-daughter and would like to vent to others/get feedback, but after reading several posts, geez :jawdrop:, am beginning to wonder if I will be crucified because I am also a BM.

So there it is....do I hear boards being hammered together???

~k

Comments

Couldawouldashoulda's picture

Submitted by Couldawouldashoulda on Fri, 10/01/2010 - 2:01am

If you're a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs...be careful, not alot of candycoating going on in here. Sounds like you can more than handle it w/that line up of men and kiddos. Welcome, for sure! Smile

N8tiveButt3rfly's picture

Submitted by N8tiveButt3rfly on Fri, 10/01/2010 - 2:12am

I'm both a bio mom AND a stepmom and I don't feel as though I have ever been crucified. Honestly it helps me to see it all from a SM's perspective. I see the SM in my kiddos lives in an entirely new light because of this site and I really want to get along with her for my children. There's plenty enough love to go around and I'm just happy now that my kiddos SM is good to THEM. On the other hand sometimes I need a place to vent or ask advice about my SD9. I don't get along with her BM at ALL. She doesn't like me but she tries to PRETEND she does and there is nothing more that I can't stand than someone who's fake. She also tries to talk bad about me to my H yet she tries to be my friend? Nuh UH. No thank you.

KIMBO89's picture

Submitted by KIMBO89 on Fri, 10/01/2010 - 9:47am

I totally agree N8tiveButt3rfly, I would rather have my kids like/love their SM than hate her, and I think working together is the best. I know I probably have seemed like a real BM B@tch, although I have never directed it at her it is always the Ex, you just have to be that way. Thank you for input Smile

KIMBO89's picture

Submitted by KIMBO89 on Fri, 10/01/2010 - 9:49am

Congratulations! It is such an amazing thing giving birth and finally meeting the little person kicking the crud out of your innards. Smile Thank you for the Welcome.

iwishyouwould's picture

Submitted by iwishyouwould on Fri, 10/01/2010 - 8:41am

There are a lot of people here that are both bio-parents and stepparents. There are people from every situation imaginable, every age range and walk of life. There are even some people here who were stepparents at one point, are no longer and stay because they have friends here. Just because you have bio-children does not make you a monster by any means... most of us here are just very frustrated with the bms in our specific situations. welcome to the site.

Rags's picture

Submitted by Rags on Fri, 10/01/2010 - 8:54am

Welcome, I hope you find this a good place to vent, contribute and pick up some useful advice from others navigating the blended family journey.

I would not worry too much about being thrown in the meat grinder because you are a BM. We have many S-talkers who are double dippers with challenges on both the Bio and Step side of the fence.

You have the full meal deal while others, like me, have only half of the meal. I am dad to my son (SS-18) and have been since he was 1yo. But, I am not a BioDad. At 46 I am hopeful that I can retain my non BioDad status but with my wife being 35 she may ruin my plans yet. Wink Either way I am good, I love kids, but starting from scratch at 46 will make my career 20ys longer than I want it to be.

I look forward to your particpation.

Best regards,

KIMBO89's picture

Submitted by KIMBO89 on Fri, 10/01/2010 - 9:13am

Thank you very much, I am 39 and having my 4th child and had I not gotten pregnant would probably have kept trying until 41, so you have some time yet Smile I totally know what you mean about the career 20ys, but I think you are only as old as you feel and having little ones, they do NOT let you feel old, there is no time!! Smile