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Sm doing too much!

purpledaisies's picture

Submitted by purpledaisies on Thu, 09/09/2010 - 10:44am

I have heard a lot of moms being frustrated over the fact that they have to take care of their step kids way too much.

This is what I have done and it worked for me. I would leave and make dh handle everything. I even went a whole day without making food for them. (I would feed the kids if they were young and can't do it themselves). Anyway, I also stopped saying anything to the skids about anything unless it effected me or my kids. I didn't help them with anything. Didn't say a word to them.

This is what happened, skids got up got on games and stayed there till dh got home, didn't even get dressed. Dh got home I said I had to go to the store and left. Dh was soon calling me and asking why the kids were still not dressed and that they were hungry and didn't eat and had been in front of the games all day. I told him that I had been busy and that they were old enough to get dressed and eat I mean they are teens! I hung up on him. I got back home a few hours later and he was tired and still trying to get the skids dressed and fed. No kidding the skids just look at you like your crazy until you yell at them and it still takes you hours to get them to do anything.

I did that with getting them in bed too. See dh thought his boys could stay up till 12am and go to bed on their own NOT! I wasn't getting to bed till like 2am. I tried to explain to dh that if I didn't put them to bed they wouldn;t go to bed like they were told. (my 2 will go to bed when told and dh thought his would do the same) Dh went to bed early b/c he has to get up for work early. I was trying to be nice and let him sleep and make the skids be quiet. So I decided after dh wouldn't listen to me I left and went to walmart till about 2am I guess. I got home and dh was up trying to get skids in bed lol. He asked what I was doing I told him I HAD to get tampons lol. He said the skids woke him up. I said really???

the next day he told me i understand now and sorry. After that they go to bed when he does. Man they hate that.

My point is to make your DH's HELP and know what it is like.

Now I don;t have to say anything to the boys b/c dh is steps up before I even have a chance.

Comments

happymostly's picture

Submitted by happymostly on Thu, 09/09/2010 - 10:50am

aw im glad your dh got the hint after you MADE him step up and be a parent to his kids!

purpledaisies's picture

Submitted by purpledaisies on Thu, 09/09/2010 - 11:10am

This is what I'd do, find out when he has a day off or vacation or what ever and "find" a reason not to be home all day. That should do it! }:)

I can always "find" a reason not to be home. LOL

purpledaisies's picture

Submitted by purpledaisies on Thu, 09/09/2010 - 11:13am

Proud arrow if your skids listen to you that is a good thing. Some refuse to have anything to do with the sm. Mine wouldn't say a word to me all day! If I told them to do somehting they would but only if I said something to them first.

I think that every opportunity you get you should not say a word the skids and see how long it will take dh to say something if they are doing wrong. see how that works.

SteppingUp's picture

Submitted by SteppingUp on Thu, 09/09/2010 - 11:32am

I'm with you too! DF works at 5am most mornings. I get the kids ready in the morning (however they are also 3 and 5 so it's not like I could disengage). SD up at 6am and eating while I shower, make sure SD is getting dressed, finish getting ready, do SD's hair, wake up SS, get him ready, get the dog fed and in the kennel, and out the door by 7:10 to drive SD to the bus stop, wait there with her, then drive SS to day care, then get to work by 8.

Sometimes DF does things that drive me wild in the morning!! This morning both kids were ready to go with raincoats and shoes on, waiting by the door, and I couldn't find my keys anywhere. I always have them in the same place, and DF has a history of losing his all over the house. I finally called him at work to ask him if he had my keys for some reason, and he said he had to move my car that morning so he had just left them in it. Then he said, "Oh yeah I forgot you leave a lot earlier when we have the kids." I love that man but sometimes I want him to have a day off so he has to get them ready in the morning so he can see the science of being a mother in the mornings!

purpledaisies's picture

Submitted by purpledaisies on Thu, 09/09/2010 - 12:17pm

See i'm such a different person. I wouldn't have done a thing for ss if my dh didn't get up and help with HIS kid! If dh still didn't get the hint ss would be staying with dh and he can drop him off! it doesn;t take that many times for someone to figure out that If they don;t do it it doesn;t get done!

HeatherM's picture

Submitted by HeatherM on Thu, 09/09/2010 - 1:44pm

I can't really disengage either...although I'd love to. SS is 8, and any if there is any child in my presence I can't ignore him. I wish I could sometimes... Mornings don't seem to be a problem at our house, it's evenings... 8x out of 10 I get a phone call as I'm sitting in downtown traffic saying "I'm going to be late, could you pick up SS?".. it just pisses me off because I then have to stop at Daycare, pick up BD2, stop at school and pick up SS8 who takes forever..and BD2 is crying because she's like that Smile Then get them in the car, get home, make dinner, get his homework started,etc etc etc... some nights I'll get the second phone call "I'm still working, could you take SS to scouts?"...which is at 6:45, BD goes to bed at 7:30..so I have to rush around get him ready, drive him to scouts, come home, bath daugther, put her to bed..and then finally DH comes home just in time to pick SS up from Scouts.. yes... I daydream about disengaging...but I'm not sure how well it would work in our situation.

Eagle Eye's picture

Submitted by Eagle Eye on Thu, 09/09/2010 - 1:52pm

My DH works nights and tries to sleep during the day. I always tells the kids to be quiet over and over. We have a small house and slamming their bedroom doors everytime they go in and out is kinda loud. SS playing on the dumb XBOX yelling, constantly coming in and out of the house. I spent more time stressing about DH not getting enough rest until one day it hit me....if there is too much noise in the house then he needs to be the one to set the kids straight! He is the one who suffers from all the noise and if he doesnt say anything to the kids then why should I?

I now go about my business while he sleeps and I have no idea what kinds of noises are waking him up! Blum 3

purpledaisies's picture

Submitted by purpledaisies on Thu, 09/09/2010 - 2:10pm

Eagle THAT is what I;m talking about right there. Also it will only take a few times of us sm to "forget" skids and they call dh for them to get it!