Major issues with BM
Bear with me as I don't know the abbreviations...and I don't know where to begin. All I know is that I need help with all of this!
My husband and I have his son half time. (One week on and one week off.) He pays child support-close to $500/month. BM has 3 other children under the age of 3 with her husband. She owns a business plus get an "allowance" from her dad of $27,000/year. She is on Wik for her 3 little ones and now gets assisted lunches for my SS at school. ($0.40/day plus free breakfast.) Next month she is getting a tummy tuck. (Paid for by her sister and dad.) The BM tries and control everything in our house including the vitamins we give my SS to the foods we make for him. I can't handle all of this crap with her anymore but my husband just would rather give in to her than stand up to her. All of this is affecting our marriage to a point where I don't think I can handle it anymore. I am contemplating packing up and leaving. I love my husband more than anything but am really struggling as a SM. I don't like someone else trying to control what happens at our house and now my husband is accusing me of bossing him around. Any comments or suggestions? Anything will help. I am a great mom and SM and I am starting to feel like I just took the wrong path in life.....
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I have 3 BMs to deal with
I have 3 BMs to deal with instead of just one, but only one ever tries to give me a lick of trouble.
When she does (she was out of my stepdaughter's life for over 2 years and then came back in, got very limited visitation and presumes to tell ME how to parent..lol) I tell her "You can parent however you see fit during your parenting time. You do not set the rules in my home, and I will be parenting during my parenting time. Period." And then there's no discussion, no negotiation, no engaging. That is the last word. I don't argue with her, DH doesn't respond to her, and she can't argue by herself.
I think you need to talk with
I think you need to talk with your husband when things are not heated. Wait for a calm evening after the kids are in bed. Then simply explain how you feel in a non-accusatory way. Trying to discuss stuff like that when things are already stressful is just too hard.
I also think you need to stop worrying about what your husband's ex-wife does with the money she gets. Easier said than done, I know. We got custody of my stepkids a couple of years ago. But back when we were paying child support (in the insane amount of $2,700 a month for two kids!), my husband's ex got a boob job. And three weeks later got evicted from her house. I get the frustration....trust me! But her life doesn't matter anymore. She is outside of your circle of influence...and way outside your circle of concern.
She can't control what goes on in your house unless your DH allows it. He can diffuse the situation without being confrontational with her. When she makes her stupid "suggestions" about food, vitamins, ...whatever, your DH should simply say "Thanks for the information". And then forget about it!
Your husband likely already feels like his ex has him by the balls. That's why he reacts the way he does and accuses you of "bossing him around". You can give him his balls back on a silver platter!
I'll bet you're a great stepmother! Don't let the ex destroy your marriage.
That sounds like a great
That sounds like a great idea!!!
What makes her think she gets to be in control of your home too?
Give that a try, and hang in there.
Yep, I know that feeling all
Yep, I know that feeling all too well.
The BM asks for more money constantly. Recently, she asked for money for after the kids were in college so she could "take them shopping" and "buy them things when they're home on breaks". The kids are in gradeschool. WTF?!
The ice cream thing is tough. I think mom2five has some good ideas.
They have a problem when/if
They have a problem when/if we boss them around but BM can carry their balls around in a bag and that's not a problem. I've told my FH that if he let's her rule him cuz he doesn't want to argue then I think that should go for me too. I know not a very productive solution I just get so frustrated with him having little control over his children in our home.
The money thing is
The money thing is tough...hard to see my SS12 wearing used/worn out same thing everyday (to the point where other kids comment) and his BM went and got a tummytuck; we pay her $600/mo-she doesn't even work 30% of the time and has had him on state funded programs (lunches/daycare). Disgusting. I've learned you can't control it.