have had no drama with BM for over 2 years UNTILL now
BM once wrote in the note book saying that the book was for communication between the parents of SD only namely BM and my DH and NOT for everyother familymember that comes into contact with SD
so I stopped reporting info about SD in the book when I cared for SD every 2nd saturday morning while DH worked.
this was about 2 years ago
Now BM has started addressing both of us ... DH and SM, I have informed you of the bullying Sd has been subject to in the past (5 months ago), to help with this I have now enrolled her in Karate for self defense purposes, will you go 50/50 with me on weekly costs and the costs of grading so that you both can be involved too?
I'm at a loss as to what to do.. DH won't pay 50% because he has Sd enrolled in private swimming classes and BM doesn't share cost of them, he also pays CS and has SD half of the time and pays for half of SD's school costs including books and uniform. we recently agreed to pay 50% towards a school music program at $130 per term at school.
we are working towards mending fences with BM but we feel like rejecting this request will send her into her 'usual' Nasty crazy BM waYS of telling SD we don't care because we don't pay, but BM has had SD at Karate for at least 3 weeks, it's every wednesday night (SD is always at BM's on wed) DH can not attend because he works late on wed so how would we be able to be involved other than simply paying ???
I feel like all the hard work is about to be undone, so far we have helped out as much as we could, we feel she is taking it a little far now, I'm already having to help to support SD and DH I hope she stays calm and see's we simply can't afford anymore expenses ATM,
obviously BM can afford it as she has been enrolled for almost a month.
Do we just tell her that due to having to pay CS, 50% of costs and swimming class we can't afford to help out this time ?
I think she should have asked DH before going ahead and enrolling SD Esp since she expects 50% paid by us now if she pulls SD out it will be because DH won't pay and we look like the mean ones.
- Part-timemumma's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
I say he should tell her that
I say he should tell her that he can't afford it without adding all the "due to..." parts.
This part: "I feel like all the hard work is about to be undone" makes it seem like BM has been bullying the two of you. No direct drama, but maybe you guys bend to her to keep the so-called peace. I don't think that's doing anybody any good.
Did you DH ask BM to share the cost of the swim lessons? I'm asking because you noted that as a reason he feel he shouldn't pay for the karate lessons and I wonder if she was ever asked to pay half. If she was and she refused to share, then I definitely see no problem with saying no (without explicit details) to sharing karate fees. If she wasn't, then I recommend your DH start offering to share activities so they both have the opportunity to equally contribute.
Also, if your DH can't afford to pay half but would still like to contribute, maybe he can suggest a lesser amount. I'm not saying he should contribute, just offering up a suggestion as an alternative.
You seem to be the most stressed over the possibility of a blowup. I would keep my input only on the side of DH. Tell him your concerns, thoughts, opinions and let him deal with BM. She's his baggage, not yours. :o)
I read it as BM was saying
I read it as BM was saying "I" have enrolled her in school, not the poster...
If dh doesn't want to pay
If dh doesn't want to pay then he shouldn't. Doesn't it state in the agreement that no "unilateral" decisions shall be made. Looks like she made the decision all on her own to enroll the child in karate, then she should be responsible. It's not fair for her to be making finacial decisions for your family. You wouldn't do that to her! We dealt with a similar issue, and we just quoted the agreement that clearly stated that neither parent would make unilateral decisions (finacial or otherwise). BM could do nothing about it except she did continue to try and try to discuss all the reasons why it was needed, had to be, for the best interest...etc! We didn't move an inch on the decision.
It says that they will pay
It says that they will pay half of all school costs and half of any agreed costs for extra curriculiar activities.
I think she may want SD to attend more than one day a week but needs us to agree because it will be in our time (that's how SD explained it)
Yes that is right BM has
Yes that is right BM has enrolled SD and for 3 weeks now she has been going, now BM is asking for DH to go half in costs before discussing it so she has SD go and make friends and then blames DH for having to pull her out it is emotional blackmail hoping DH will feel bad for not agreeing with her., in the past when DH doesn't do as she asks she gets mad and tells SD nasty things about us almost having a tantrum over it really.
In the beginning we did as she said, then when we decided to take some control back when our relatioship became more serious and BM was really mad abusive and stopped DH from seeing SD but since the introduction of a parenting plan they got worse until the last 2 years where we refuse to allow her to control us or upset us thats why I'm worried this will be the first time in a while that DH has to put his foot down and I'm worried how she will react,
BM was origanally taking SD to swimming but DH was paying when DH asked BM to change the time half an hour later so he could see SD swim she flat out refused (even though it was her day off from work) So DH asked her to pay half she refused so DH decided to changed SD's days of swimming to his time so he could take her of course he invited BM to attend and made sure it was after work for them both but she rarely attends (I'm sure she just likes to try assert control)
It sounds like this child has
It sounds like this child has too many activities. When does she have time to just be a kid? Curiously who's idea was the notebook? Sounds interesting.
she does swimming tuesday and
she does swimming tuesday and karate wednesdays the note book was court ordered because they could never communicate without fighting that is how conrtolling the BM is if DH didn't say yes maam the world ended (or may of well have because it was a living nightmare)
My ex had a notebook with his
My ex had a notebook with his babies' mom for the same reasons. Loved it. Was awesome for court, too because she would write nasty things in it. We photo copied it.