Do we really ever get rid of BM?
DH and I are counting down the years until the last kid is 18, we have 7 more years to go. I know that DH will always be dad and we are always going to be there for the kids, and I am all for that. But DH and I have this fantasy that once the youngest turns 18 we will never have to deal with or interact with BM again. I would love for this to be true, but I am afraid it will not be. For those that have been with the kids as they all turned 18 and eventually became adults, does BM fade away? Or does the madness continue?
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It fades but never really
It fades but never really goes away. There is no more dealing with the demands. You deal with the kids instead of her, but she will still be present at all of the functions and might even still guilt them into choosing her over dad when it comes to holiday functions with your family. So, no, I don't think you ever truly get rid of her.
It's important to the 4
It's important to the 4 parents in our family that we put on a good front "for the kids" on these days.
Current professional advice says this is NOT a good idea but I guess it depends on what you mean by a 'good front'. If it means pasting on a fake smile and putting on a show as if you like the person then I couldn't do that. I don't do fake. If it means basically ignoring the other one beyond a 'hi' if you just can't get out of it then ok.
The kids see through the fake fronts and I don't want to teach my kids to be phonies.
To answer the question of the
To answer the question of the blog -
In my case I am BM of children who are now adult. There wasn't any 'madness' to our relationship and from the time the kids were in their early teens ex and I had very little interaction. He made arrangements directly with them and it was never a problem for me. I can only recall about 3 conversations I had with him from the time my eldest was 13 until now when DS is 28 and those conversations were about college or flight arrangements.
So, in our case the BM (me) did 'go away' but I wasn't a bother to him in the first place.
StepAside, I feel for you.
StepAside, I feel for you. Adult SDs seem to know how to manipulate so much more than adult SSs. But along the lines of this post, BM wasn't in picture with SDs but with SSs (in my case) there is more interaction from BM to BF to ask: "Have you heard lately from adult teenage son", anytime there was anything on the news about an accident involving a young man.