SS2 is sick this morning and BM won't take PTO to stay with him.
BM called DF at 6:30am to tell him that SS2 has been throwing up. She asks him if he can take the day off to stay home with him.
This infuriates DF because he knows she has PTO that she can use, and if he takes a day off he doesn't get paid for it. He could use a vacation day, but they aren't allowed to use them if he has already punched in (which he did because he worked at 5:30am today). So he asks her WHY she can't take PTO to take care of SS2. She says that she is preparing for her interview that would lead to a promotion on Tuesday (for the job that she originally told us she already got then later admitted she lied about it - I wrote about it in my last blog) and that she doesn't **WANT** to take any PTO.
Then she has the audacity to say, "Well can SteppingUP take the day off?" DF said to her that neither of us can afford to take a day off without pay, and that her employer should be able to understand that she has a sick child. Also, he added that she shouldn't be concerned with making a good impression now that she *might* get a promotion...it shouldn't matter because she should have a good track record regardless.
This bothers us so much because she NEVER uses her PTO to do anything for her kids. She has even told DF before (back when they were together and since then) that she will only use her PTO to have "fun". She regularly takes days off to go shopping and to ease a hangover...which I understand needing "me" time...but she has blatantly admitted to never using PTO to do anything with her kids. She says, "That's not what it's for!"
DF didn't tell BM this, but of course he would take the rest of the day off if he needs to - as would I.
So far, she hasn't told us what her decision was...DF told her to let him know what she decided to do. I told him he better call day care and ask if SS2 is there to see if she brought him, and to see if BM told day care about him being sick. I guarantee that if she took him to day care that she didn't mention a word about him being sick.
Stay tuned!! 
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Comments
Sounds like we have the same
Sounds like we have the same BM she never takes time off to look after her kid im the one that ends up doing it as i have the most flexible hours at the moment. when ss had German measles BM took him back to creche because she didnt want to deal with a sick child.
I do understand what you are
I do understand what you are saying and I thank you for looking at this more subjectively than I can.
And I'm not trying to shut down your attempt here, but...
If this were a one-time deal, I can also understand her not wanting to take the time off when she's competing against another employee. The problem is this is a recurring event and that she has specifically said to DF before that she would not take PTO to spend time with the kids...that PTO is *supposed* to be for "me time" and not for "them".
And I also understand if her workplace is very strict, but she often gets out of work early, goes to work late, uses her PTO on late notice, never complains about it being super-strict (like we know she would if it were because then she wouldn't be able to take her "me" days whenever she wanted).
I agree. I don't think the
I agree. I don't think the mom is intentionally trying to make things difficult.
I remember being a single mom, working full-time at a new job, taking classes to finish my degree and dealing with having a sick child. It's hard because the situation affects everything and everybody else.
You just do the best you can to try to find a resolution, which means that, sometimes, someone is going to have to do something they don't necessarily want to do.
When my DD's were babies - I
When my DD's were babies - I didn't get paid if I didn't go to work, but that didn't matter to me one bit, if they were sick, I was there to take care of them. I didn't want anyone else to do it. Isn't that the way most mom's feel? You would think that, but BM doesn't, I just don't understand it.
Exactly...and it just
Exactly...and it just continues because she never does the things you would "think" a mother would automatically do...instead I find myself picking up her un-motherly slack.
Who is the primary custodial
Who is the primary custodial parent or do you have 50/50?
Also, I don't know what state you are in but CS is generally calculated on a combined income. So, if she makes more money the combined income will go up which will have an impact on child support and your husband could end up paying more.
How would he pay more if she
How would he pay more if she makes more money?
I don't think it works this way in our state anyways...but I'm not sure.
The contribution for cs
The contribution for cs increases based on the combined income. Her percentage may be higher than his, but the contribution winds up higher which increases his portion.
Look at your state's child support guidelines.
Here we calculate father's net income divided by combined net income and Mother's net income dived by Combined net income to determine each parent's percentage of the contribution. Then we look up the recommended support amount from the guidelines based on the combined income and multiply the percentage of each parent's percentage of the contribution by the total support requirement. That will determine how much each person is responsible to pay of the total obligation.
Even though the custodial parent doesn't actually PAY support, it is still factored into a percentage that they are responsible for of the overall contribution to support.
Usually if the combined income increases, the contributions increase.
Also she is primary custody,
Also she is primary custody, my DF is considered "extended visitation" even though it is 50/50.
GRRR - Update! Day care
GRRR - Update!
Day care called DF and told him she's been trying to get ahold of BM but that she isn't answering her phone. She said that SS2 needs to be picked up because he is too sick to be at day care.
Now me and DF are working our schedules around today to take 3 hours off each (unpaid) to take him.
Thats pretty low. Some people
Thats pretty low. Some people are really sick. I understand you dont want to miss work, blah blah its really hard, you're up for promotion. But to just take your sick kid to daycare and leave them and then not answer when daycare calls? Wow.
WOW. MOTY she is not. I
WOW. MOTY she is not. I assume it is her custody time?
This would make me so mad if my BM did this. She always acted like DH should never get more time, cause he was such a bad person…UNLESS she needed to do something, then DH was A Ok to keep him extra. Funny how that works.
Yes I know what you mean! BM
Yes I know what you mean! BM had a huge issue with me when I first moved here to town, but there was a week where day care closed unexpectedly and she was quick to jump on the fact that I had the summer off and was available. Then of course I was the perfect person to watch the kids for an entire week!
ONE more update...I hope. She
ONE more update...I hope.
She didn't even TELL day care that he wasn't feeling good. Isn't that terrible!!?? So he threw up all over a bunch of toys this morning. The day care lady wasn't too upset but DF apologized to her for BM not telling her about how sick he was, and that she even took him to day care...he told her that he didn't know that she had made the decision to do that and it wasn't fair of her to do that when she knew how bad he was feeling and to jeopardize the other kids' health.
Day care didn't seem too upset (she's the sweetest lady ever though!) but she did say that she wish she had known because she would have been keeping a better eye on him and trying to get him to feel better, maybe they would have watched a movie this morning instead of playing the game they played...you know?? Just very poor parenting decision and it still is burning a hole in my gut that she even lied (by omission) to day care.
DF is at home now with SS2...I'll be home this afternoon. Poor little guy.
Yes...we are adding this to
Yes...we are adding this to the file for sure!!
I am not defending BM in the
I am not defending BM in the least, however it is so hard these days to have a sick child & stay home with them when you work. We just went through this. The pressure to be working is so hard. I worked from home but for one day when he was projectile vomiting & I had to say, no more ( I still must have worked 3 hours) One woman in my office always made snide comments ( she was let go recently) and another made a comment that I should have used a vacation day not a sick day ( I am salary & ended up working 3 hours so I will be damned if I am taking a full day of vacation unless my boss himself tells me to)
I think some people forget when their kids are older how hard it is when the kids are little and can be such bitches. That said I can't imagine doing that to my son when he was sick. Poor little guy.
Thank you again for putting
Thank you again for putting another subjective spin on this matter. This is definitely what I come here for - I don't want everyone to agree with me, I just want a place to vent and be either validated in my concerns or told that I am being completely unreasonable. That's why I love this place!
And to add...yes I completely
And to add...yes I completely understand having to sacrifice your own day/money/time and balance a family life with working pressures, and how stressing it is to have to do this...
After all, I am the one making the sacrifice here with my own income in order to watch HER child.
(I can't stop!) I wish I
(I can't stop!) I wish I could say to her:
"Own your own shit and come to the realization that you had two children when you were very young, and that you have to occassionally step up the plate and be a responsible adult and parent, because at some point in your life (oh wait, TWO times!) you made the choice to be one."
My ex sends our kids to
:jawdrop: My ex sends our kids to school even sick because she does not want to get a sitter. We both work , so she throws some meds down their stomach and hopes for the best. I find that totall disrespect for not only the kids , but , the kids that don't want to catch anything from them in class.
And we wonder how so many
And we wonder how so many children end up with the flu, mono, meningitis........
As un pleasnt as it can be to
As un pleasnt as it can be to care for a puking kid, I wouldn't want anyone else taking care of my son. Maybe I am overly maternal or crazy but I can't see dumping him off at daycare.
Stepping up, saying those things to her will accomplish nothing unfortunately. That's why it is best to just get it out here. Your racking up those karma points by taking care of him
As un pleasnt as it can be to
As un pleasnt as it can be to care for a puking kid, I wouldn't want anyone else taking care of my son. Maybe I am overly maternal or crazy but I can't see dumping him off at daycare.
Stepping up, saying those things to her will accomplish nothing unfortunately. That's why it is best to just get it out here. Your racking up those karma points by taking care of him
SteppingUp, I'm not surprised
SteppingUp, I'm not surprised BM dropped SS of at daycare. As I was scrolling down i was waiting for the kicker and low and behold. If a child has a fever of more than a 100 then they must be picked up.
I believe in BM defense that this time was legitment because of the promotion. Next time SS is sick I wouldn't budge. This incident is a trade off. Trade off from here on out.
I hope SS feels better soon.
Yes, good idea. Next time she
Yes, good idea. Next time she WILL be reminded of this incident!
If SD is in our custody and
If SD is in our custody and gets sick, we take care of it no help asked for. If she gets sick in BM's custody we expect that she do the same, but she does still demand that DH take care of it when it does happen. It hasn't happened in a while, hopefully DH tells her no if she "asks" again.