Just want to rip off the band-aid...
DH has decided to let her go. No fight. Nothing. Now it is in the lawyer's hands. He is asking for several things with this. If SS11 decides to live in one house over the other, the other parent can't fight it. Also, we have no financial obligation to her ever. She can't decide to come back and forth, everything has to be agreed to by DH. He wants to leave visitation at his discretion. Right now he wants nothing to do with her. But, he wants to leave it open for the future.
Now we wait. SD14 knows nothing about the decision. She is only talking if it is convenient for her. Personally I want to back hand the girl for what she is putting her father through. Not to mention the $3500 retainer that just left. I want her to leave now. Pack her bags and go. She doesn't take the stereo I gave her, the flat screen tv or her jewelry from my father. Not the jewelry box I gave her for christmas. Just her clothes. Take them and go. Leave the rest of us in peace.
DH doesn't want to let her go until the BM signs the papers. Which is the right thing to do, but lawyers just drag this stuff out. Meanwhile the boys and us are on pins and needles in this house. We can't talk or say anything. She is a manipulative little bitch. Sorry!!!
She is grounded here for all the lying and DH is holding strong on it, so it will be a long weekend. BS15 is camping and that gives me free time. Which I will use to shop and relax. Shame I can't do it in my home. This waiting for that part of the process is hell.
I know a lot of you have done this, any advice on the exiting process? What did you let them leave with? Did you help pack? How does this part play out for us?
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Just take a deep breath and
Just take a deep breath and step back abit. It will all be over soon. Right now, I would do everything you can to stay neutral as possible. Be as kind as possible. I know she doesn't deserve it one bit. And that she has wounded you deeply. But you will be glad for this down the road.
Its such a great thing that DH is sticking to his guns. You guys will always do fine in the long haul when you stand up for what you believe in.
It will be a long weekend, but if you want to be respected for standing up for what is right and for what you believe in, then you must also yourself do what is right. This includes paperwork, legal process, etc.
As far as what they take with them. I would agree with you. If you give them to her, you will never see it again. In my experience, anything of value that has ever left our home has been..broken, sold, returned, or given away.
Hope this helps.
Every town has an Elm Street
"I know a lot of you have
"I know a lot of you have done this, any advice on the exiting process? What did you let them leave with? Did you help pack? How does this part play out for us?"
1-Find a family counselor, your all going to need it. Your DH will def need someone to
help him deal with his decision and all the guilt that comes with it. He'll need his own
therapist for those issues, but you all as a family are going to need guidence.
2-Nothing but what they came with or needed (and I do mean needed) for school.
She's going to live in her mother's home, then her mother can provide alllllll the 'things' that she'll need.
You bought it, it's your home, you can do what you want with 'stuff'. Either give it to her as presents or not. No rationalizations needed.
3-Help, sort of. I got the boxes, I supervised the packing. Made sure that nothing went in them that wasn't supposed to.
4-See #1.
Good luck....
How wrong would it be to go
How wrong would it be to go take the personal things that I gave her out now? I have taken what jewelry I could find and put it in a jewelry box my mother gave her for xmas and gave it to DH. He put it somewhere. I said she can have it when she turns 18 or whenever I decide. He was fine with that. My father gave her some diamond baguettes hoops and some other beautiful pieces the last two years. Some are gone, some are never worn. I feel wrong taking them, but I will be damned if they will go to BM's. I had a custom bracelet made for her for Xmas and have never seen it since. I want that back. DH says let it go. I know I should but, I am tired of being treated like crap only to have hr be nice, when I spend money on her.
Funny thing is my son asked if we could turn her room into a game room! The boys are okay with all of this it seems. They want the drama in the house to stop. One of my friends that went through this, said that when her SD left she let her pack two bags and the rest they took to a homeless shelter. I thought that was terrible, but she insists it gave her husband closure.
When SS left the first time
When SS left the first time we helped him pack, we did this to unpack the stuff that was ours that he felt entitled too. Most being my stuff and because he was taking his time doing it.
Oh ya.....I forgot about
Oh ya.....I forgot about that one buttercookie.....Its been awhile....ABSOLUTELY help her pack.....or she may get confused on what is hers or not.
When my SS's came to our house, we had to check their bags every time before they went home....
They would rob us blind.....
Every town has an Elm Street
Crayon, you just saved me. I
Crayon, you just saved me.
I have been weakening.....probably because of the site being down...lol......
I was having a miss the SS's moment......feeling guilty...beating myself up.....your PAS comments reminded me exactly why we are in this situation in the first place and to not buy into the whole bull.
Out of your 3 options, we have chosen #2.....however.....we second guess ourselves alot!!
Thanks for all the support.
Thanks for all the support. I have really missed this site the last two weeks. We are still living in limbo. I have been traveling the last week and surprisingly (Ha!) wasn't missed by my SD. She took advantage of the opportunity to watch lots of DVR shows with her dad. She was overtly friendly to her Dad. We did figure out that the BM was at the bus stop everyday last week talking to her. So I think she is gloating that she knows that Dad has agreed to give her up. But, not until the BM from Hell decides to sign the papers. Until she does, we do nothing. If she says no then we will fight for full custody of both children.