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PLEASE HELP ME

lizabell's picture

Submitted by lizabell on Thu, 04/22/2010 - 6:02pm

I am new to posting any kind of blogs anywhere but I'm terrifed and need help. I'm almost 28. I have 1 daughter from a previous marraige and my current husband and I have a 2 year old son together. He loves and accepts my daughter like she was his own and is a better father to her than her real dad. My husband has a 13 year old daughter who he is going to meet today for the first time. He knew about her but the mother never wanted him to have anything to do with her so he stayed away. The 13 year old was raised by another man but now wants to meet her real dad. My husband also has a 6 and 4 year old by another woman and hasn't seen the 6 year old since he was 1 and has never seen the 4 year old. Long story but the mother has disappeared and we can't find her. My husband has decided to meet his daughter and now wants to try to find his boys as well. I am having horrible feelings about him seeing his daughter and about the prospect of him seeing his other sons. I have encouraged him to try to find them because it is only right. But I feel tons of resentment and jealousy already with him just meeting his daughter. I don't want to hear him talk about it, I don't want any part of it, which I know is completely not an option. I knew he had these kids when we married but I guess thought that since he hadn't ever seen them before that it wouldn't ever be something I was confronted with. My husband and I are already having marital problems without the addition of all of this new stuff.
I feel in my heart that I will not be able to accept these kids and I don't want to be the evil stepmom. Whenever my husband talks about meeting his daughter I get very upset, angry and jealous I ignore him and refuse to offer any support. I feel like the worst person in the world but I just wish the kids would disappear so I didn't have to deal with this. I'm afraid I will have to leave my husband because I just don't want to deal with his other kids in any way.

I know I sound terrible and I know my feeling are wrong but I can't help how I'm feeling. PLEASE HELP ME!!

Comments

StepX2's picture

Submitted by StepX2 on Thu, 04/22/2010 - 10:12pm

I know you stated that you are having feelings of resentment and jealousy but it may be helpful for others to give advice if you could try to explain what it is you fear from this meeting.

"It is impossible for anyone to learn what they think they already know". - Epictetus

abuseddad's picture

Submitted by abuseddad on Thu, 04/22/2010 - 11:43pm

you are not horrible or any other expletives you could name. feeling the way you, in fact, proves that you are normal. those kids deserves to see and know their dad, it's for them and not for you, your husbands, or their mothers. my wife have three kids from prior marriages. all accepted me but one. I've gone through some very tough time as well like rebelion, court proceedings, etc. you'll be fine, trust me. he's with you, he loves you then. it's hard but you should give those kids a chance. try putting yourself in his shoes if that helps, besides, i know times like those is where you can measure your commitment to your marriage and to your spause. he needs you now. god bless and good luck.