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how do u tell a child without hurting them

confused-about-alot's picture

Submitted by confused-about-alot on Wed, 04/14/2010 - 2:51pm

My stepdaughter is about to be 7 yrs old she is the oldest n I have been there since the day she was born. I watched her name be written for the first time when they put her in the incubator. I watched them clean her up and everything. A couple months ago she asked if I was her real dad. All I could say is baby I may not be your father but I will always be your daddy! That was that.I dont think she understood what i was telling her. I need to know how to tell her without hurting her or her holding resentment towards her mother n I. She is very jealous of her little sister because shes only 3 and needs more attention, and my oldest just seems so hurt by that she asks if we love the younger girl more and I tried explaining to her in my heart they are the same to me. My love does not differ for either of my children. I love them the same. The oldest father is in and out of prison has only seen her twice in the first 2 weeks of her life. Thats it. I cant tell my baby that her dad is just a sorry excuse for a man so im hopeing someone with good advice can help me pleaseeeeee.

Comments

JustLeicaGirl's picture

Submitted by JustLeicaGirl on Wed, 04/14/2010 - 2:56pm

You just made me cry... when you wrote "my oldest just seems so hurt by that she asks if we love the younger girl more and I tried explaining to her in my heart they are the same to me."
WOW!! YOU are AMAZING and your girls and their mother are lucky to have you!! I think that she will ultimately understand and love you as her father & "Daddy". Just stay close to her --- when I had my 2nd baby, everyone's advice was to up the attention to the older kid --- so make sure you are able to do special Daddy time with JUST her...

The best revenge is a good life... And to have a SC to go home and REPORT to BM all about it Wink

Mich811's picture

Submitted by Mich811 on Wed, 04/14/2010 - 2:59pm

what a sweet post. you sound like a great person and father, your daughters are lucky to have you in their life.

nycSM's picture

Submitted by nycSM on Mon, 07/05/2010 - 6:20am

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Nemo's picture

Submitted by Nemo on Wed, 04/14/2010 - 3:20pm

Just because you didn't MAKE her doesn't mean she isn't YOURS.

Your her father in every way that counts. Remember that!

****"She had his past. I have his future." The Lovely Belleboudeuse****

LotusFlower's picture

Submitted by LotusFlower on Wed, 04/14/2010 - 4:54pm

When I was seven I found out during a family argument that my stepmother wasn't my real Mom....my mother passed away during childbirth and my father remarried when I was 2....so to ME...this was the only mother I had ever known....well..I guess my parents hadn't wanted me to find out that way...so they kept me home from school, because they thought I would be disraught....I had no idea why they kept me home at the time....lol....nothing changed for me.....she was the only mother I ever knew....so at 7?....I think yur answer was perfect....yur her dad and yu'll always be her Dad....

A mother is not defined by the "b" or the "s" in front of her name, she is defined by how she handles the "mother" part.....

confused-about-alot's picture

Submitted by confused-about-alot on Wed, 04/14/2010 - 10:47pm

The one thing I have not done is one on one time with her that is a great idea. You all have had wonderful feedback was very helpful. Thank you so much for the support. I love my kids and my wife with all my heart and I just want them to be happy once again thank you!!