Crazy House
I'm new here and thought I can a bit of help from someone. My husband and I have been together for a long time. This is our second marriage. He has a son who's 15 years now and out of control. His father continues to make excuses for him. He been with me for almost his whole life. He lived with mom until about 3 years ago. His mom didn't do much for the kid. I have gone out of my way to make sure he was fed, not sleeping on the floor, showered and even got things he wanted. When he was at his mom's house. He was dirty, sleeping on the floor and hungry. She would spend a lot for christmas for him other than what he needed. He would get and do what ever he wanted. I lay rules in my home. I do have three other children that are my kids. Two of them are older than my step son. I don't have problems with them. They abide the rules of the house. So naturally they get to do things within reason. My husband views it as favorites. My step son is in trouble with the law. One thing that my husband won't fully explain it to me. The other is that he stole from a store in the mall. Which his father wanted to kill him for. As a mom, i naturally protected him. I did ground him for a year. No electronics or going outside with friends. He lies to me all the time. He is disrespectful towards me most of the time. My husband always gives excuses that he hasn't been with us and that's not his fault. That he has a mind of a 10 year old. That I am too hard on him. I treat him extremely different than mine. He's always an out cast. The list can go on.... I would be hard on my own kids if they did what my step son did. He blatantly does not abide to his punishment. He was doing well for a bid. I even told him. I had told my husband to let up on his punishment for 3hrs due a beautiful day and him being respectful and doing what he's suppose to do. Well, that didn't go well. A few days later, he took off with his friends and never stopped home or called. I got nervous that something happened to him. I had called my husband and told him. Something inside told me he defied me and he did what he wanted.
Hours later he arrived at home. I asked him where he was. He immediately lied to me. That got me upset. My husband didn't do a thing to correct that. When my stepson talks disrespectful (even curse me), my husband gives me excuses and tells me that I ride him and that's my fault. He doesn't do a thing either. The last fight I had was extremely big. It all started when I found out that he was using a video game system. He knew he wasn't allowed to have any electronics. So I took it away until the punishment was over. So he stole from my son and started to play his games. We fought about him giving it back. All in all he hit me. My husband still wants him here. I'm at my wits end. I wonder where I can put my ss to make him better. We have no funds to send him to military school. I know that would work, but with no funds I cant do anything. I'm trap. How can I deal with this? When my husband says he wants me to be his mom and the same time tells me that I'm not his mom. I need help and advice.
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Comments
A 15yr old kid hits me, I
A 15yr old kid hits me, I call the police...period. You should NOT subject our children to this mess and if they are older and don't live with you, the less reason to stay with this kid...sigh...
I do have a 7 yr old
I do have a 7 yr old daughter with my husband now. I did call the police and still nothing was done about it.
talk with BM and with DH
talk with BM and with DH when things are good and calm and voice your feelings and your fears and your hopes for this boys future. let them know you care, but things are going to have to change. let them know that you are being the disciplinarian because neither DH or Bm is doing the job and that you seem to be better at it and that everyone has their strenghts and this happens to be one of yours! Let them know and discuss what steps are going to be taken to help this young boy become a respnsible young man, and then the tough part... follow through and yes you may have to remind dh of the discussion had, but before any new discipline can take place you and DH need to talk to ss together about your conversation with BM about him(this will let him know that you care and that you are a united front)and let him know that you will no longer accept his bad behaviour , because you know he is better than that, and remind him as he gets older the law will not be so easy on him. Them followe through and call his bluffs!!! Oh and grounding for a year is too long.. that is an entire lifetime to a kid. just find alot of chores that need done laundry, dishes, yard work ect. and give him a certain big job to be done and that the lenght of his grounding will be determined by him! let him know that dishes , laundry and cleaning the bathroom and his bedroom need to be done everynight by him(not hard if done every night) and that there will be no T.V or computer, movies, music , friends ect while the grounding is going on , and assign him a big job, one that will take a couple of weeks, and let him know that when this job is and all of the rest of his jobs are done properly his grounding will be over after his work has been inspected by both you and DH. this way the boy feels like he has some control in his life and he will may learn a few valuable life skills in the meantime, and tell this to SS too, that you are not grounding him to be mean but to give him the time he needs to think about what he has done and perhaps learn something too, and you are doing this because you care about him and his future! He may just need to know that you care enough to be tough when you need to be!! hope this helps!!!