Teen stepson acts like a 9 year old
I am wondering if I am the only one out there who struggles contantly with my SS? He has been in my life for 8 years now and as time goes by, I dislike him more and more. When he was 6, his behavior was fine, but at 14, it is not. He hasn't changed much over the years and it is terribly frustrating.
He still needs to be told to make his bed, brush his teeth, and wash his hair, cut his nails,wear clean undies. I know these are silly things but it wears on you after 8 years. I have two 15 year olds and they wouldnt leave the house without looking and smelling their best (there are too many girls out there).
We only have him every other weekend and it's a fight everytime. We've tried ignoring it but it's hard to let him walk around looking and smelling dirty. He is rude to me and his Dad. He barely talks to anyone in the family and I just can't stand the idea of him being in the same room with me.
He takes no pride in himself, his school work, or his personal items. We pay a ton of money for his private school and he is just getting by. He told us last week if we keep giving him a hard time about his grades that he will just stop doing his work all together.We have no real choice seeing that we have a written agreement to pay for his school fees.If my own children said that to me, they would be doing extra credit work during recess and after school and their teachers would be told to go harder on them. I am so sick of "babying" him because we only see hime every 2 weeks. My 18 year old put it like this. "we keep thinking he's going to grow up and change but he's still as weird as he was when we meet him, it's not cute anymore."
Any advise??? K
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Oh I definately understand
Oh I definately understand your frustration. My Son (SS-17) is our only child and he has consistenly been classified as 5-7 years behind the curve as far as maturity. He is nearly 18 and he is just now realizing that smelling like sweaty socks does not attract the young ladies, zits are not attractive and he is finally putting some effort in to his hygene and personal appearance.
But ......... we struggle with his lazy approach to anything that requires effort. School, chores ...........
The good news is that eventually he did figure it out. His Mom and I will always back him in his efforts to grow to adulthood. However, once he graduates in ~8wks he will be earning his living in service to our country because beyond basic food and housing he will not be on the Mom and Dad dime until he finishes an enlistment.
Then we will pony up on the Mom and Dad Rags scholarship.
Hang in there.
Best regards,
Success is rarely final. Failure is rarely fatal. It is character, courage and consistency of effort that count. Vince Lombardi (with some minor Rags modifications) To each according to their performance, screw Karl Marx. (Rags)
If SS wants to be treated
If SS wants to be treated with respect, then he needs to earn that respect. He should be responsible for himself and his actions. He should also suffer consequences when his actions are innappropriate. I think your DH needs to address this, not you.
I also have a teenage SS and I know how difficult it can be. Especially if BM, DH or others are allowing/enabling SS to continue to behave like a child. My DH also made excuses for SS and didn't want to make visitation turn into weekend punishments, so he chose to ignore the problem. Now SS is 17 and it's highly unlikely that he will graduate High School this summer b/c he just doesn't want to do his homework and is failing again. Ugh.
I totally agree. My husband
I totally agree. My husband is the one who "tries" to address this but he doesn't have much success. It's hard to get much settled when he is only here for the weekend. He goes straight back to his mom's and as far as we can tell, he can do whatever he likes. His dad tries to speak to his ex but that doesn't go over very well.
I just can't imagine spending the nexy 3 or 4 years putting up with this. My kids would be punished for these actions but we feel our hands are tied with my SS.
We already lost a relationship with his oldest because of a similar situation and we would hate to loose all relations with SS #2.
My husband is such a great stepdad to my children, they lost their dad last year and I was so worried that they would push my husband away but he has stood by them and they are closer than ever.