I am not actually married but my boyfriend and I have lived together for 3 years so I am referring to his son as my stepson in this post. I usually don't call him my stepson but while searching for advice online it seemed that step-parenting help is what I need. He is 2.5 years old and I have been in the picture since day one. My boyfriend did not find out his ex was pregnant until we were already in a relationship (and lived together). I knew it wouldn't be easy but we were in love and I thought everything could work out ok. So I have been around since day one. At first I loved having a baby around (even though it was not very often and a struggle every time because of his biological mother's jealousy). His BM tried to do everything she could to get my BF to leave me and to just make things hard on us. She would try saying that the child could not come over if I was going to be home or just say anything rude she could say about me. She would also do things like tell my BF he had to give her extra cash or he could not see his son. I'm sure all her actions were because she was jealous of me, but it made me really despise her because of the way she was using the child against my BF and trying to cause arguments. I loved having the child here but it made me hate every time my BF would talk to BM or every time she came to pick up the child. It started to just make me not like it when the child was going to come over because him coming over meant we had to deal with the drama of his mother. If the BM was out of the picture I would love having the child around but she is so childish and snotty that I just wish all of it would go away. I even feel like I don't like the child sometimes because he is not well behaved and I can see the BM's brattyness in him. It is apparent to us that she doesn't spend much time with him or time disciplining him at all.(He was saying the F word when she dropped him off one time and she didn't do anything, when my BF said something her response was 'he is just trying to say truck'.) When he was younger I did everything I could for the child and I felt like it actually brought my BF and I closer even though it wasn't a great situation. We had him call me Mom even though he really couldn't talk yet, we referred to me as mom. When he was a little less than 2 my BF decided he didn't want him to call me mom because when he was a child he was forced to call his step mom Mom and he didn't like it. He didn't know his step mom until he was in high school, so i can see why he didn't like it. But I have been around this child as much as his father has and it kind of made an issue that he didn't want him calling me Mom. I unwillingly agreed to be called by my first name. Since then I feel like I stopped being a Mom to him like I was before. I know it is just a name but I feel different now that I am not referred to as his mom in our home. I backed off of spending time with him and doing everything for him and now I wouldn't even want him to call me mom. I don't know why and I hate to say it but I don't love my step son. I love my BF with all my heart and I want to love his son but I just don't. I think that some of it still has to do with the fact that his BM is so disrespectful. It makes me so angry every time I even think about her. In 2.5 years I have probably answered the door twice when she drops off the child because she disgusts me so much I can't stand to see her at my door. And I don't feel like she acknowledges me as a step mom to her son. She doesn't want me to drop him off after his days with us and if I answer the door she just gives me a fake snotty 'hi' (like "hi i have your BF's child") and waits for my BF to come to the door. I hate her so much but being rude or mean back to her won't solve anything (though it would probably make me feel better for a minute), but I also can't be nice to her knowing what kind of person she is and how she has treated my BF and I and the child. My BF and I plan on having a long future together so I know I am going to have to deal with BM for a long time. I need help with how to deal with her, let her know that I am here to stay, let her know she cannot control my BF just because she has a child with him, and make her be respectful. I'm not sure if being respectful is possible for her though. I just need help! I think that if I can figure out how to deal with BM I think my relationship with my stepson will get much better. It just makes me so angry every time I hear her voice because of her constant attitude and drama and comments like she is still in high school. I don't think she will ever grow up but I can't keep hiding in the other room when she knocks on the door. (not hiding because i'm scared of anything just so angry!!!) How do I deal with this? I usually talk out my problems but she is an unreasonable person not capable of having a respectful conversation. What do I do?? I don't want to be angry or shut down every time we have to deal with her.