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Why am I in this family?

Skygarden's picture

Submitted by Skygarden on Fri, 02/26/2010 - 3:05pm

I have been in this family with a stepdaughter and my own biological 3 year old son for five years almost. I probably should not be here. My husband and my stepdaughter, whom I used to have a pretty close relationship with, have done a wonderful job of reminding me that I came in to this already formed family and I am the outsider. I am beginning to loathe my stepdaughter. I don't want to talk to her at all. My marriage is slowly but systematically falling apart. I cry all the time and I am so unhappy it is unreal. I can't possibly list all of the things that have happened in this marriage and parent-ship but I do not deserve to be treated like this. Everything is an attack. I am not being sensitive. It is what it is. I don't feel like I want to be here any more, in this marriage, I mean. I feel like I am staying for the sake of my son.

I am sure that my venting is going to get more passionate as the days go on but for right now, I feel completely tapped of my energy. I just needed to talk. I need something other than what I am getting here. I am a fucking prisoner in my own home because I wasn't here first. I am hating my life.

Comments

frustratedinMA's picture

Submitted by frustratedinMA on Fri, 02/26/2010 - 3:10pm

HUGS.. I am so sorry that you are feeling trapped and disrespected. Vent away!! sometimes it helps, sometimes it doesnt, but its better than bottling it all up inside.

SerendipitySM's picture

Submitted by SerendipitySM on Fri, 02/26/2010 - 3:10pm

Welcome to the wonderful world of "blended families". I'm so sorry you're having a hard time. When you can, please give us some more detailed examples so we can try to help....between all the women on this site - we have seen and gone through it all. Hang in there....

Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist. - George Carlin

Pantera's picture

Submitted by Pantera on Fri, 02/26/2010 - 3:23pm

Vent Away. I am pretty sure most of us have felt the same exact way.

"If I turn into another, Dig me up from under what is covering the better part of me" -Incubus

areyouserious's picture

Submitted by areyouserious on Fri, 02/26/2010 - 3:42pm

Sky I am there with you and will continue to be for a while
What I did so far was remove the vast amount Shrines that "whiner" created for herself that were located on the entertainment center where ALL of the family pics used to be the first time we were together...I took all BUT one of her pictures down and replaced them with husband and I as well as all of the other kids and a group photo. Removed her trphies and placed pics and trophies in HER room and told her to keep her shrine there.

Also, after the round 1 divorce I moved and bought my own home, military moved them into this place so she has marked her territory. With the move to San Diego, it is UNMARKED home and territory of general so she will lose some stronghold in that area

Is it possible for you guys to move into a new place with a fresj start that belongs to EVERYONE?

"The pic reminds me of the slaveboy and his queens in this home...it depicts a kid ruling her Big daddy...how sweet! What it doesn't show is the Big Daddy bowing and thanking them for the abuse and begging for more"!

Candyfrogs's picture

Submitted by Candyfrogs on Fri, 02/26/2010 - 5:46pm

I agree 100% with areyouserious. I did all of things including moving into a place that was 'ours' and it did help a lot. The only thing I can add is that if you believe in contraceptives... Use the heck out of them so that if you do leave you only have the one child in tow. I came into the blended family with one already and he came with two. We have two together and I am pregnant with another.
I think if you try to do these things it will be your DH's receptiveness or rejection that will have the most impact on the way you're feeling now. Until then, KEEP VENTING!

CadysMommy313's picture

Submitted by CadysMommy313 on Fri, 02/26/2010 - 5:47pm

I feel your pain here. I often feel this way myself. SD makes me feel this way more often that DH does, but he has his moments also. I hope you can work through this rough time.

Skygarden's picture

Submitted by Skygarden on Thu, 03/04/2010 - 5:52am

Wow. Thanks so much for all of your support. I really appreciate your insight and words of experience. Sometimes I get so wrapped up in what is going on I don't see options. Thank you. Thank you.

Things are better when we talk. Things are always better when we talk. It's incredible how misery can turn itself around in 2.5 seconds when we just open our fucking mouths and SPEAK. The difficult part is making my husband see that his daughter has a mind of her own and while she is a child (yes, I know that, babe!!!!) she is by no means stupid or incapable of thought or emotion or manipulation or motive, etc., and can be held just as responsible for stuff as I can. People do not seem to understand that it is just different when it's a step-kid. Yes, I love her. Yes, I take care of her. Yes, I want the best things for her. I think about getting her a car and where she's going to college and how to celebrate her 16th birthday. I don't HATE the girl, I hate the power my husband gives her. And no one ever wants to talk because it's "drama." Last time I checked, it was "LIFE."

I am in therapy. I've been seeing a psychologist for a few months now because I have major depression that is maintained on medication but has gotten so disruptive that meds alone are not enough anymore. I realized that change was needed the moment my 3 year old son asked me why I was sad. My husband did not want to come home to see me a writhing mess of tears and fury. So I got help. I am doing what I need to in order to TRY and fix my own personal side of this familial mess. And I'm negative. And paranoid. And angry. It's a mess. I just want some balance at home. And someone to realize that not EVERYTHING is JUST my fault.