Sometimes I still wish they would just go away
So it's been better dealing with SKs as of late, but I still have my days. My latest is pealing gum out of the new carpet in their room and then turning around to find crayon ground into it. Then they both lied about having any gum left. I went through their things after their last visit and found tons of it. DH just shakes it off like it's nothing, but they're trashing their room and lying to us both. I told DH that it's time to have some consequences and he finally agreed that there would be no tv or wii at their next visit. On top of that, SD owes me a time out since that's what her brother got for lying to me about the gum and I just didn't catch her lying about it until after she left, but she did the same thing.
I know these are typical issues for children and I'd probably be more patient if they were my children doing this. But they're not and I can't seem to forget that. When they're at my house, I go through the motions, I definately don't want them to starve or something, but I could honestly care less if they have fun while they're with us. I don't even care if they like me anymore. I wish that their mother would pack them up and move somewhere far away. Maybe someday she will. Our visits have dwindled a little and it's been nice. I just hope it continues. Next weekend they'll be here again. I'll probably make plans to go to the gym and then run as many errands as I possibly can. This probably makes me a wicked stepmom, but I'm starting to like wicked stepmoms anyway. Not to mention, I never skip my work-out when they're here. In fact, that's when I tend to do the longest and most intense work-outs.
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Read the free previews of
Read the free previews of Stepmonster (the book) online. You sound like an example from it! It could help, it had me redefining myself and my role in this family yesterday.
And be careful. You sound like you are burning out! Who ever told you this is your fault or you should be the one to fix it? Your biggest job in this family should be to show the kids that Daddy is in a loving relationship! (Then when in privet you can make sure he gets that whack across the head for not "noticing" things.
(And side note, most experts agree that children need to be punished at the time of the incident, if not they will not remember why they are being punished. Your husband needs to make sure they are corrected promptly, not "owing" you a time out, or tv free weekend. They won't understand. And if these kids are older, around 12ish then I can't help lol Haven't go to those books yet!)
I have Stepmonster. You're
I have Stepmonster. You're probably right about punishment coming at the time of the crime and if I'd caught her then, it would've. But I didn't and I'm not going to let it go unpunished now. SD is 7 and she saw her brother get punished for lying while she was doing the same thing. I don't think it sends the right message that she won't get the same punishment for doing the same thing. ~Bookgirl~
i agree whats good for the
i agree whats good for the goose is good for the gander shes old enough to remember what she did and that she shouldnt get away with it
and i dont think that u
and i dont think that u being u and accepting ur feelings about what u want in ur life and what u dont makes u a wicked stepmother
Is this something we all do?
Is this something we all do? I definitely take breathers when SS9 comes over sometimes and find excuses to leave or go do errands. But it's more b/c SS9 wants me to give him my attention 24/7 and has stopped looking for BF's attention, which is barely existent. So I leave and force them to be around each other, even though sometimes I feel guilty doing that, because I know that it adds stress to BF. But I'm not the damn babysitter.
I had to do something
I had to do something similar with my DH. His daughter was running to me for everything and I was wondering why I was getting extra stressed about everything (especailly where BM was concerned) so we had a talk with a family friend with back ground in human behavour studies and set up a schedual that made him parent more.
Everything has changed now that the access has changed dramatically but it really helped at the time!
I know exactly how you feel
I know exactly how you feel and know exactly what you are saying! When my husband go somewhere, they go with him. After all they are here to visit with him, to spend time with them and not me!
Which was one of the things the ex-witch brought up, him not spending time with them when she and I got into a huge knock down drag out fight.
Oh my dear... I think of
Oh my dear...
I think of this sometimes...wouldn't it just be nice if it were just he and I? Wouldn't it be nice if I could turn the clock back 10 years or so and start his life over again...wouldn't it be nice if he wouldn't have fallen asleep during sex ed class (the part with the banana and the condom)...? Wouldn't it be nice...
Yup...too bad...Why did I fall in love with someone with so much baggage? At the end of the day I just think to myself...yup...I am doing this for him - he better learn to appreciate it.
Except your feelings though. They ARE normal and like I read once on this site...from a very smart "step-talker..." -
"They can't expect us to just "love" their kids..."
Lol, that's so right on
Lol, that's so right on Unbelieveable! ~Bookgirl~
OMG that is so how i feel!!!
OMG that is so how i feel!!! wish they would pack up and move far far away..fall off the face of the earth.. and fun at my house? ------ i sometimes find myself making it as boring as possible so they won't want to come --- i know that's awful!!
and i secretly hope/day dream/wish on a falling star that soon they would prefer to stay with BM.... we are 45 minutes apart and skids have no friends at our house, so wouldn't any typical kid want to stay home and be around their friends???
I used to wish they'd go
I used to wish they'd go away but then I remember my h's ugly sad face when they werent around and how occassionally he'd say how it hurt him not to be around them. That didnt make me feel really good. It made me sad for him and them. Sounds like you just need some boundaries and free time. Let him worry about their rooms and their bad habits. Back off a bit. I just shut up to my h about Skinny's horrible room and one day he walked in and was shocked. He made her clean it and it stays reasonably clean these days. All she needed was a swift kick from him not my whiny/nagging voice. When it gets out of hand these days I just walk by and close the door. If its really bad, I'll leave it open and ask him to get something from her room for me