BM override my parental guidance
I am a SM to a 11 yr old girl. I have been in her life 4 years. The BM rarely saw my SD. Now she seeing the SD whenever she wants. The BM is given the authority to over ride my rules or my relationships and activities with my SD. The BM was given permission to get a cell phone for the SD. The BM and I arw not fond of each other. She is an manipulator ans try to discredit me. She has disrepected me in feomt of my SD by calling me a b@$#. She has texy my husband for money she is court ordered to pay child support. She has quit her job to avoid arrrst fro being in violation of probation. However my SD perpetuate the drama and brings the BM in to our home. For example, I am strog in my faith. I believe in serving my God through organization to help others or to praise Him. The SD see church as a social club to hangout with the her finds. She had shown interest in the dance ministry. Her BM knows the SD has dance practice after church. My husband tell me that my SD does not want to partake in the dance ministry any more. This was told to him after the SD comes from visiting the weekend with her BM. This is clearly an influence from the BM to over ride my parental guidance. My husband saix that once the SD get involved in something else, she will not be allowed to quit. He see that I'm insinuating she was influenced to stop...The SD does not have the heart to do it anymore and that is that. Why tell me if you feel.I am constantly reminded by my husband that i have no right to discipline the SD, nor the right to make dedcision no rights, bc i did nor give birth. why is my husband allowing the BM to enter into our family unit? I know my husband is the perpetuator. I confused on how I am to be to SD and my husbandi don't not know how to act toward my husband or the SD.
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This is not your child. Let
This is not your child. Let the parents make the decisions, whether you agree with them or not.
BM has every right to be part of the child's life, and to make decisions. She doesn't have a right to say what goes on in your home or on your DH's time. But if he says he doesn't want you to fill the role of disciplinarian or any other role, you need to back off. Read up on disengaging. You'll make life much easier on yourself.
While it may suck for you to
While it may suck for you to deal with, BM is still her mom and can influence her however she wants on her time. Unfortunately you have no control over that. Frankly you have no rights to anything when it comes to this child. If BM doesn't want her going to your church and your SO doesn't care one way or the other then the girl can quit if she wants. It's YOUR religion, not hers. Dance is HER hobby, not yours. If she says she wants to quit then let her, if it's truly just BM manipulating her then she will regret quitting after the fact and that when you can either let her go back to dance (tell her she can't say she wants to quit again) or tell her once she's quit it's over (too bad, too sad). Most kids only go to church for social reason that's just part of being a kid.
Your problem isn't with BM but with your husband when it comes to SD undermining your authority in your home. He needs to shut it down and tell her that BM makes the rules for BMs house and YOU AND DH make the rules in y'all's home. Whatever Misconduct BM lets fly during her visitation stops when she crosses the property line. It seems like most tween SDs make their moms their idols whenever the BMs play with fun parent. There's nothing you can do to change that so stop caring and start stepping back and protecting yourself.