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I did PM her. I didn't care for the idea of a SM feeling run-off. Couple of glasses of wine later. Yes, was she foolish, stupid and selfish? Yup. I had no advice to offer but I didn't want her to feel soooo alone and pregnant. Girl could not have painted a bigger circle on her back unless she worked at Target. Even during this PM (below) she was off and running ... I kinda agreed with the FMIL ... just a cluster of a situation. Wish her baby and her other 3 kids well.

Transcript copy of PM (copy/paste):

Hi Amy, congrats on your baby. It looks as if you've been having a tough time on the board. I told you to "grow up" when I skipped by and read your post. Since then the thread got silly.

Consider that I am old enough to be your mother: you sound young. You are surrounded by the decisions you made. You are pregnant and looking around at your life and reassessing. Mother Nature programs that into you, just as pregnant moms frequently feel like "nesting." The desire to protect our "own" is integral, just as our jealousy of stepkids, stepgrandkids is rather natural.

I absolutely "get" how you felt cherished and special and cared for in the beginning. I also kinda understand the feeling of "bait-and-switch" with your BF. Just think if you married and BM died or went to jail ... you'd be a family of 8, everyday, 24/7 for the next 21 years. Ouch.

I've lived with oilfield transfers, national rotations, international rotations with my ex-DH for years. It is a strange life. You have to be strong, independent and comfortable with being alone, in my experience.

Truly I wish I had a brilliant idea or great advice to help you. I don't. I am merely thinking of you tonight and wishing that I had something to offer.

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amy2014
10/13/2015 - 8:46am

Thank you. Ya I got a lot of harsh feedback on the board. I am just a very honest person, I figured holding my feelings in won't get me anywhere. And this is 3+ years of built up anger. I know it seems most of my anger is towards the kids, but really it's the whole mama's boy thing. He needs to grow up and pick a woman. She runs our life through manipulation and neediness. Here's a perfect example. What if the MIL died tomorrow, why is he basing his custody on being dependent of his mom. He's out of town for WEEKS at a time and when he is HIS MOMMY has his kids on his days. If he's out of town (unless BM is absolutely not able to have them) they should be with BM. Not that I hate them or am incapable of taking care of them.. it's just that I have 3 already that need my time and love, I feel at that point I'm just being used as a babysitter for BM, I'm already jealous that she gets child support on top of a 50% break not to mention food stamps for these kids. I didn't birth them, why do I need visitation with them? Makes no sense. Now I do get that if something were to happen to BM (death, incarceration) then I'd have no choice. This scenario would be acceptable to me honestly. Would I LOVE it? Hell no. But such as life. But it comes down to right here right now, 50% custody is not feasible, he isn't even here most of the time to participate in this type of custody leaving it to MIL or ME when BM is perfectly capable. And the kids are total whine bags and definitely affected by this chaos. I truly am protecting my kids from the situation. Not fair for them to be constantly interrupted by this nonsense of a custody.

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amy2014
10/13/2015 - 8:57am

I mean.. shuffling back and forth between 2 homes is bad enough.. add a 3rd one to the mix!? The grandma coddles these kids like I've never seen before. I mean.. she puts it in their heads that they are the center of the universe, they can do no wrong.

Matter of fact... sorry if I bore you to death but one time after taking his kids (mine were with their dad) to do a fun filled day, hours of this and that.. we get back home and I'm ready for US time so sent the kids to their room for TV time. As BF and I are watching a movie the SD comes out oh I'd say about 6-7 times altogether about 7 minutes apart. Each time was odder and odder. Like she was asking one thing but was thinking another. We kept shewing her away, afterall this is US TIME now.

Fast forward an hour later her dad asked me to fix something on her cell phone. I was nosy and peeked at her Facebook messages.. sure enough the MIL had been texting her all evening asking her what she was doing and how was her day. When SD said they were in their room watching TV MIL made comments such as "you shouldn't be in your room you need to be out there with your dad" "go sit on your dads lap" "You should be watching tv with you dad not in your room all night" etc etc. So every time she came out she was begging for attention that was the result of MIL telling her she was number one and who cares that daddy is watching a movie with Amy, go in and invade their space and make it ALL ABOUT YOU! So when she got turned down, she went to her room and bawled. She would've NEVER bawled if she wasn't setup for failure. Now the MIL has trained BF to always put me last always, because if he ever puts me first then it breaks the poor kids hearts (her words).

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The whole thing was sad. Kids growing up like this. More people in the world with these thoughts and actions. ALL of those kids are going to be messed up. Nothing good will come from that situation.