HEADING FOR DIVORCE
I am the mother of 2, ages 11 and 6. My husband has an 11 year old as well. His son has been an only child and is extrememly spoiled. So needless to say, the transition has been very difficult. About 2 months after us getting married and all moving in together, my step-son decided he wanted to go live with his grnadma because he hated the situation. And, of course, he got what he wanted instead of dealing with the issues. After about 6 months of my husband and I falling apart because his son didn't live with us, he decided the best thing was for him to also move in with his mother to be with his son. He then told me that he needed to focus completely on his son and not at all on our marriage. Long story short, I talk to my husband about 2-3 times a week, which usually ends up in a fight, and have seen him one time in person in the month that he has been gone. I need some serious advice, and fast.
How far away do they live
How far away do they live that you have only seen him one time in a month?? You need to have a serious discussion with your DH about what he thinks the future holds with your relationship. A man living with his mom isn't being a husband. The lack of daily communication is a red flag to me too.
Major changes from him soon, or call it over and move on.
His mother's house is less
His mother's house is less than 2 miles away from our house. This is his choosing. He is very bad at communicating as it is and he would rather avoid confrontation than deal with it. The fact that we parent completely different is an issue as well. I am more straight forward and prepare my kids for real life, you don't always get what you want and it's my job to help you develop skills that allow you to deal with those situations. He takes the easiest road with the least amount of resistance and I see that his son is picking up those habits as well.
TWO MILES?? Cut your losses
TWO MILES?? Cut your losses hun. He is still a mama's boy.
Sounds like your DH has
Sounds like your DH has already made up his mind. IMO, giving ultimatums and demanding he change his chosen priority and main focus will be a waste of time. Oh for short term, you might manage to get him back home but the situation won't improve.
By change, was your husband and his son living with the in-laws prior to your marriage? I'm guessing on this, but what you describe since moving in together is something heard about often here when the working single Dad has depended far too heavily on family to help with his kid/s.
There's no way this is going
There's no way this is going to work. He moved in with mommy who is enabling the entire situation. It's over, cut your losses and move on.
You haven't been married a
You haven't been married a year & your not living with your husband. Is this really what you want in a relationship?
Living in two different
Living in two different houses can work for some couples, but it requires making time for each other regularly. If I were you I would ask him if you two can come up with a schedule where you get to see each other at least 3 times a week and try to work on getting over your current argument cycle. If you aren't happy with the current arrangement however, and see no signs or possibility of it changing then it is time to walk away. It sounds like it won't have too big an impact on your day to day life.
I can't really blame him, everyone has to make a decision as to where their priorities lie. He has decided his are 98% with his son and not with making your new family and marriage work. If his priorities don't change then you need to act in your best interest.
Based on her post, it sounds
Based on her post, it sounds like they didn't really talk about important issues (expectations, schedules, discipline, routines, etc) before they got married.
They both probably assumed the household would be run they way each of them was used to running it. Everything went south from there. No discussions. Probably a lot of stubbornness, anger, hurt feelings and no compromise. A recipe for disaster.
I would suggest marriage counseling to help mend the rift in their communication skills.
I fail to believe two people
I fail to believe two people dated and took the time to get to know each other, their compatibility and especially each others children. Nope. Seems more forming a functioning home together takes a complete toss out the window for one of two reasons 1) deliberately dismissing all the warning cause 'I loooooove him' (*gag*) or 2)being naïve ... or perhaps arrogant enough... to believe 'he will change for me when I am the wife ' and/or 'I'll fix this crap once I get that ring on my finger'.
I'm not a 100% buyer of 'I didn't know what I was getting into'. Of course no one can 'know' to the exact extent, but how can one not notice a spoiled kid? A parent who isn't parenting or is parenting the complete opposite of your beliefs and style? Yeah, yeah **we** all the time 'but everything was fine UNTIL we got married. Pfft.
Yep. I paid very close
Yep. I paid very close attention to what kind of a father my DH was and how he was regarding SD. I knew that SD loved her Daddy and was a Daddy's girl BUT she was not spoiled by any stretch of the imagination; DH was NOT a Disney Dad. He was pretty strict with her, she loved him anyway.
"....and father to your
"....and father to your children."
This may be one of the reasons he has decided to leave. The man may have no interest whatsoever in playing daddy to his stepkids.(clearly he isn't too thrilled with the idea of being a husband either)
At this point in his life, he may only be interested in being a dad to his kid. There's nothing wrong with that as long as he sticks to dating. He needs to make it clear from the start that he isn't interested in getting married or changing the way that he parents.
^^^^agree^^^^
^^^^agree^^^^
I dated a guy *just* like
I dated a guy *just* like this. I'm sorry that you married one.
Your husband has already left
Your husband has already left you. That's it. He's done. He's gone. If he has not consulted a lawyer yet it is only because he hasn't had time.
Immediately get a lawyer of your own. Start the proceedings. I know you feel grief and humiliation but not facing it only makes it more difficult. Rip the bandaid off. Cry. Then square your shoulders and get on with life. Seek a fair and reasonable division of assets. Then forget he ever existed.