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SS21 HIV Diagnosis

LoCaMom's picture

After many years of playing Russian Roulette with his health via IV drug use and extremely risky sexual behavior, the odds have finally caught up with SS21....he has been diagnosed as HIV positive. He just received the news and is waiting to see an infectious disease specialist.

Although DH and I are not exactly surprised, DH is taking it very hard and although I'm trying to be supportive, in my head all I can think is "Dear Lord, hasn't this kid put us through the wringer enough already?!" I guess I am just tired of the rest of us dealing with the consequences of his past 7 years of bad choices.

I'm honestly also concerned that this may put us in a really bad position financially as I've heard that HIV meds can be quite expensive. Although he has a full-time job and lives on his own he doesn't make a lot of money. He is still covered by our insurance (DH is retired military so we have Tricare).

Does anyone have any experience dealing with an HIV situation in regards to costs/treatments, etc? I am the worrier in this family and all I can see is this sucking away the little bit of savings we have scraped together since the last time we had to use it all for his DUI/court costs.

I'm trying to be understanding here, but let's face it......I will come off looking like the cold-hearted witch that only cares about money, not his health, but we have 2 younger children and a household to support and we have to be realistic about that. My DH is 54 so he can't work forever, and we need to think about more people than just one in this scenario.

Any advice/experience would be greatly appreciated!!

LoCaMom's picture

After many years of playing Russian Roulette with his health via IV drug use and extremely risky sexual behavior, the odds have finally caught up with SS21....he has been diagnosed as HIV positive. He just received the news and is waiting to see an infectious disease specialist.

Although DH and I are not exactly surprised, DH is taking it very hard and although I'm trying to be supportive, in my head all I can think is "Dear Lord, hasn't this kid put us through the wringer enough already?!" I guess I am just tired of the rest of us dealing with the consequences of his past 7 years of bad choices.

I'm honestly also concerned that this may put us in a really bad position financially as I've heard that HIV meds can be quite expensive. Although he has a full-time job and lives on his own he doesn't make a lot of money. He is still covered by our insurance (DH is retired military so we have Tricare).

Does anyone have any experience dealing with an HIV situation in regards to costs/treatments, etc? I am the worrier in this family and all I can see is this sucking away the little bit of savings we have scraped together since the last time we had to use it all for his DUI/court costs.

I'm trying to be understanding here, but let's face it......I will come off looking like the cold-hearted witch that only cares about money, not his health, but we have 2 younger children and a household to support and we have to be realistic about that. My DH is 54 so he can't work forever, and we need to think about more people than just one in this scenario.

DarkStar's picture

I'm sorry, I don't have any direct experience or advise, but I can't imagine how hard this must be for both of you.

Here is a link to the AIDS hotlines for each state. If you live in an urban area, I'm sure there are support groups, medical clinics, crisis centers, etc that can help you.

http://hab.hrsa.gov/gethelp/statehotlines.html

ETA: Your SS is an adult. He made reckless decisions and he should bear the responsibilites, including financial. No way should you and your DH support him, especially at the sake of his retirement!

robin333's picture

Excellent advice. He can even call tricare and ask for a case manager. They can help him with the medicaid application and see what health programs might be helpful. Most social workers at insurance will also assist with food stamps application and should know specific food pantries and other community resources in that area.

I'm sorry you are having to deal with this. Hugs.

LoCaMom's picture

Thanks for the valuable info...I will definitely look into these resources. He is LGBT. As I don't have much of a relationship with him at this point, but I will make sure my DH is aware of this as well.

LoCaMom's picture

Thanks all for your words of advice and encouragement. I am hopeful that after seeing the specialist SS will be able to set up a concrete plan. At this point I am going to refrain from saying too much to DH as it is still a pretty emotional subject. I'll feel better prepared with more information, and in the meantime start checking out some of these resources.

Justme54's picture

I am so sorry. It looks like you are getting good resources here. From what you have stated, I am surprised your SS even has held down a job.

SugarSpice's picture

having a child diagnose with a serious illness is a blow to any parent, even if the child brought it on himself.

dont get caught up in the guilt your husband is feeling. at 21 the son is an adult. as you said the younger children will be needing you and you cant allow yourself to get sucked into a financial hole.

still learning's picture

At 21 he should be covered until 26 right? If he's getting his meds from a tricare pharmacy/hospital then the meds should be 100% covered. I never had to pay a co-pay unless I used an outside pharmacy. A plan needs to be made now for when he is off DH's insurance. I agree with the above poster that it may be a good idea to separate your finances to some extent because this will be an ongoing issue.

stepinafrica's picture

I am sure there are organizations out there that can help with medical care. Just take time to do the research.