Oh, DH isn't giving him the benefit of the doubt at all. I was actually the one who brought up the idea that it might be a lame attempt at some sort of reconnection. We shall see. I doubt he'll even respond to DH's response. I don't think he can handle seeing DH in person.

So it goes, indeed!

He can contemplate how he threw away his father, his only real parent, for his POS BM. I'm sure on some level he knows what he's done. He's an idiot but he's not stupid, if you know what I mean.

I love this reply too! It's exactly what he deserves.

He thought about just ignoring it, but he really wants to see if he is indeed reaching out. I scan understand that as a parent. But FH knows exactly who his son is and if he starts shit, he's done.

Good point.

Nope, nothing is EVER SS's fault. Or his mother's. Everything awful that has happened to them has been DH's and my fault. Shit, DH is being blamed for SS's awful grades this year and he's been with BM full time since November! It's all the trauma he went through at our house, you know, what with our rules and parenting and all.

Everything HAS to be DH's fault in SS's eyes. He can't admit that his mother is mentally ill and really doesn't give a shit about him.

I don't think so. BM is highly anti-counseling. She doesn't want her dirty little secrets to be aired. But SS isn't stupid, as much as he acts it. He knows who his real parent is, and part of him knows he made a serious mistake when he accused DH and I of abuse and cut us out of his life.

Right? They're the same person, really. But if it were BM, she'd use a shit ton of big words, you know, to make herself sound more edumacated than she is.

LOL! DH hasn't replied yet, though he plans to. Yeah, I'm positive there will be crickets to that. Like someone else said, SS doesn't want to actually meet with FH. He just wants to make him feel like shit. Why? It's his and BM's most favorite game.

DH is giving SS plenty of time to contemplate!

When SS was really young, like 8 and under, DH admits he wasn't a great parent. He and BM had a miserable marriage, and they spent a lot of time sitting SS in front of the TV or video games to babysit. He had no responsibilities, no chores, school was optional so he had a ton of absences, and life was pretty much a free for all. After DH left BM, that's when he got counseling and learned how to be a parent. He started setting and enforcing rules and boundaries, starting holding SS responsible for things, etc. And SS thrived. But that was all implemented a good two years before I even came along, so blaming all the changes on me is crap. In fact, SS and Faux were both ecstatic when DH and I announced our engagement and moved in together. It was a month before our wedding that BM realized things serious and started the PAS. So yeah, SS is delusional.

You said it all perfectly. SS is finding out that BM isn't his savior, his champion. She's bitter and pathetic, and he's stuck with her 24/7/365. I really think they expected both of us (but especially DH) to curl up and die without him, like you said. I'm sure it just sticks in their craw that we're going on with life, going on vacations, spending time with friends and family, doing our martial arts, and not crawling after him begging him to be in our life. I KNOW, knowing them, that that's exactly what they expected to happen.

I'm sure life there is boring. They all spend their days and nights in their separate bedrooms on their separate computers and video game systems. BM and her DH fight constantly. And no doubt he's spent the entire summer babysitting his brat brother for free while BM works, though BM promised nothing but fun and adventure if he'd lie about us and go live with her.

This kid knows who his mother is. He's a complete idiot academically, but he's not stupid. He knows his brother is his SF's biokid. I'm sure he's done the math and figured out what that means. He got to experience two significantly different lifestyles 50/50 when he was still with us, he chose the path of least resistance, and he's starting to realize it isn't in his best interest. But it's too late now.

After the abuse allegations he made against us, which involved physical torture and starvation, he's burned his bridges. DH isn't even really interested in a relationship with him at this point. He's shown his true colors: he's an evil, lying, manipulating asshole who's exactly like BM. He's a danger to our family. We could end up in jail and/or losing our professional licenses because of his deceit. Nope. He's not allowed in our lives.

If he decides he truly wants a real relationship- and that's a huge if- it won't be while he's still a minor. Like you said, he'll have to redeem himself over a period of several years, demonstrate true remorse, and really show that he wants a real relationship and not just what we can provide for him financially. I hope this does happen someday for DH's sake, but neither of us is hopeful. As for me, I have no interest. And BS19 wants to kick his ass still.

He most definitely misses our lifestyle. It's the polar opposite of BM's. She and her DH never have any money, whereas DH and I are very comfortable. BM lives in utter filth and we're clean. I'm sure SS is getting teased more and more about his smell, as he always smelled like cat piss because it's all over their apartment. Oh well. Too bad. He made his choice. I have absolutely no sympathy for this little asshole.

I like this, Sally!

I think that's where SS has some skewed expectations. BM treats him like he's five. Nothing has changed where she's concerned since he was in kindergarten. He still has no responsibilities, no chores, school is optional, and everything's all about fun because "they're only kids once" and "they'll learn what they need to know once they're adults." In contrast, DH changed his expectations of SS as he got older. He was given more responsibilities. Of course he's not going to be treated the same at 15 as he was at 5! But, compared to BM, DH must have appeared like an evil overlord, especially since BM told SS he was too strict and SS "couldn't possibly live up to his expectations."

Oh well. It's all water under the bridge now. The damage has been done, and it isn't going away. SS and BM jeopardized our careers and our freedom with their lies. Had the case worker assigned to us been green and not knowledgeable about PAS, who knows what could have happened? DH will never be alone with SS again. Any meetings, if they occur, will occur in public with at least two witnesses or video documentation. This kid is dangerous.

Too bad if SS is disappointed in his lifestyle with BM. We tried to warn him. His loss.