Why would bm say this to SD?
A bit of history:
Bm has been known to have "relations" wroth women. To what extent I'm not sure, it seems that's she made out with random women at bars, but dh insists that she's bisexual, so I'll go with that.
Dh has family members that are gay. This male relative is in a relationship wit a man. They live together, and are wonderful people, they are some of the few people that I enjoy being around in dh's family.
Here it goes, bm had now told SD that "gay" is a bad word. It's been running around my head since she left. SD asked us (because she heard dh mention something about someone being gay, SD said "ooooohhhhhhhh" giggling covering her mouth and pointing a finger at dh. He looked dumbfounded at her and asked her what she was "ooohing" at. She said "daddy said a bad word" dh insisted he didn't say a bad word. That's when SD told him mommy said "gay is a bad word"
I took the dds into one of their bedrooms, so that dh could talk to SD without an audience. I explained to dds that gay is not a bad word. Even if someone calls them gay and they aren't, it doesn't make it a bad word, it's just an untrue statement.
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Maybe, but I figured esp
Maybe, but I figured esp since she is supposedly "bisexual", that she's have enough sense to explain that it in itself is not a bad word, we don't just go around calling people gay, it might hurt people's feelings. But not that is a bad word.
She knows dh has family that ARE gay. And if SD was do say that in front of them, that would have been even more of an awkward situation
I get what you're saying,
I get what you're saying, but it wouldn't be any different than saying "that's so straight" how is "gay" a bad word? It's not, people who say it in that manner are using the word ignorantly, doesn't mean the word is bad, it means the ones who use it in that manner are ignorant. The people who consider it a bad word need to be educated that the word is not bad, it gives people the concept that gay people are bad. Gay people are not bad, why would anyone want to instill that into an innocent child? It just breeds more hate and intolerance.
Eta: kind of like the people who "don't use the word 'step' and want to be the bonus mom" they view stepmom as a bad thing, IT'S NOT! lol I'm a stepmom all day long. It gives the "people" power over what we are. We are just people, we are the average Jane/Joe. Bring a stepmom hasn't made us bad, crazy bm's and atrocious kids made us "bad". The stepmom title didn't effect us. Why does being gay have to be "bad". That's what happens when we label the word gay as a bad word.
Lol that would have been
Lol that would have been funny, I honestly don't know what dh told SD... but I felt that it was a great opportunity for a educational moment. Dds are very open and understanding of sexuality... they put many of my family members to shame.
That would be good
That would be good
She's been bi for over 15
She's been bi for over 15 years at least. And accruing to dh, she would make our worth girls at the bar in front of everyone. Has she ever had a relationship with a girl? Not that dh or I know of.
Honestly, that's how I feel
Honestly, that's how I feel about it, but she swore up and down that acting like this made her bi
Right? I totally get if
Right? I totally get if someone who actually loved someone (even once) from the same sex, wants to classify themselves as bi/gay but to me I think just worrying around with whoever will take you doesn't classify yourself as gay/lesbian/bisexual ... but that's just me. Maybe I'm wrong, but I also think if you teach your kid that gay is a bad word, that makes my assumption even more true, again I could be wrong.
Exactly!
Exactly!
Imo, if you need to bring in
Imo, if you need to bring in another person to be sexually satisfied, you need to evaluate things, Someone isn't doing their job.
Also being bisexual is more than just liking sex with other people of the same sec, it's about romantic attraction.
Take this scenario: if a porn star has sex with both men and women. But only has romantic interest in the opposite sex, does that make them straight or bi?
Or: if a married couple brings in a woman occasionally to "spice things up" but the wife has only been attracted to men romantically, does that make her bi?
I still feel even if people are saying a movie/game/object is gay, it's not a bad word. It's lack of knowledge about what the word means. How can an inanimate object or any object that is unable to have feelings have any romantic or sexual feelings? When someone calls something gay, or evn calls a straight kid gay, it's lack of intelligence on their own part. They don't understand the meaning of the word. The word does not mean stupid. The word means happy/someone who is interested in the same sex. So the kid who says the word in a way that is supposed to mean stupid/uncool, that kid him/herself is stupid.
These are my own opinions and are not fact, so take them at base value. The reason I shared my opinion on this is so that you could understand where dh and I come from on this topic
As great as it would be, we
As great as it would be, we don't write the dictionary as individuals and the dictionary is far from a static piece of literature. Society has decided that gay can mean stupid or bad as well as homosexual, and these days it rarely is used to mean happy. As much as you want to see that gay has no meaning for you in the context of calling something stupid/bad, you have to accept that it is used in that way fairly frequently. You also have to accept that for some people using the word gay in the stupid/bad definition is derogatory towards those who identify as "gay" because they feel that the stupid/bad stigma rubs off onto their identity. Using it in that way is ignorant, but I don't think in most cases it is being ignorant of the true meaning of the word, it is being ignorant of other people's feelings and how using the word gay in that context feels derogatory towards them.
I totally get what you're
I totally get what you're saying, and maybe that's what she was saying. I guess I just take this a bit more to heart than many people do, I grew up in a very Christian household,and gay was a bad word. I remember having feelings for a girl, romantically,as early as the age of 5. I know, what does a 5 yo know about having romantic feelings? More than we give them credit for. And I feel that the way I was raised totally made me afraid to look at girls that way. I felt like something was wrong. I had feelings for girls (as well as boys) all throughout middle and high school. Yet I was always afraid of my feelings. So I never dated or been with a girl, do I have the right to call myself bi? Am I really straight? I don't know... but I've vowed (to myself)to always be open about everything with my kids, and let them know, throughout their life, if they have feelings for the same sex/opposite sex, I'll be happy either way... my oldest daughter treks me she doesn't have feelings for either... I told her not to turn into the crazy cat lady on the Simpsons lol, but she knows that even them I'll emotionally support her in that decision.
Moral of my story I meant to make clear (but I tend to ramble [thank toy ADD]) I hated that my parents told me gay was a bad word. And yes, after asking dh what he told SD, he told her that gay wasn't a bad word, he tools her what it meant, and if someone uses it incorrectly, she can tell them what it means
lmfao!
lmfao!