Confused after vacation

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Dh, bs8, sd's 9 and 12 and I went on an awesome vacation to lake Powell and the Grand Canyon. Gosh I totally recommend Lake Powell, it's so beautiful.
I went on this hoping that we would all be reconnected again and happy but right now I'm not too sure if we are or not!
Gosh DH pisses me off. SD12 was scared to go on the tube (we got a speedboat) and both girls were scared to do it and really were resistant to it. But we were on the boat and he was yelling at them to get on the tube and that it was pointless to come here if they weren't going to participate because they do this stuff with their mom, but not all of a sudden they chicken out. He is like screaming at them and I am telling him to calm down and telling his girls that he is frustrated because he just wants them to have a good time and that once they get back into having fun then he will calm down. But still! He is a fun killer!

I wanted to explore the canyons and constantly he would say no those are too narrow, blah blah blah, well everyone else is here doing that DH! And that's why I came here! And he won't let me drive because he doesn't trust me to drive it!

Multiple times he yelled at them, and don't get me wrong I can be a bitch to them, but not to make them do shit they don't want to do, only when they fuck up or are horrible human beings.

He also said to sd12 at the Grand Canyon when he was frantically scared of the kids being close to the edge "I wouldn't be as scared if you and sd8 weren't here, you guys could fall" sd12 was like "what about bs8???"
He claimed he said that on accident.

The kids fought the whole time, it was crazy. I guess maybe too much driving, tired or something but geez.

I've been questioning whether or not to move forward with our marriage a lot. And now every time he does something like this that affects my or my sons happiness I feel compelled to get out. But his mom died 5 months ago, his dad relies on me a lot to keep him company through that, and I don't feel like it's so easy to just leave.

I do want another baby though. That's the thing, and I'm wondering if it's really not so smart to bring a baby around so much doubt. I wonder if the doubt ever goes away???? I don't know. How do you just tune it out. Lol

Thanks for the vent! I feel better already

StepDrama, welcome back after

StepDrama, welcome back after your vacation. I've seen Powell by air, but not from the ground. Glad that there were moments of wonder, fun, joy, etc.

DH's behavior seemed to smack a bit of the same scared, "trying too hard" thing.

You can do little to protect your SD's. Your sons' mental health and development has got to rank primary. If you do not protect and nurture them, who will? Begin to nurture yourself. DH's father can turn to his son for the same care that you provide ... or you can arrange a "visiting angel" type of support. Not your job in reality.

Leaving is much easier in practice than in our minds. We all make it bigger, more difficult, more overwhelming when it's really just opening a door and stepping through. That simple.

Good luck. You will know what to do when you need to do it.

ABSOLUTELY I just can't kick

ABSOLUTELY

I just can't kick back and do nothing while on vacation. I can relax at home for free.

Ugh! Reminds me of our

Ugh! Reminds me of our vacation in Hawaii with DH yelling at 20 something SD because all she wanted to do was lay on the beach. Then SD sulks like a baby. I couldn't take it so DD and I went off on our own. We had a blast! I remember we rode on a submarine.

I think it's great to have a plan B exit strategy. Not for the marriage! I mean for future vacations where you can promise yourself you will have a good time despite what DH does.

Hahaha thank you all for the

Hahaha thank you all for the funny and relatable comments. Nice to know other DH's are like this but also SUCKS to be you yeah I wish I could just take a vacation with my son, that would be soooooo epic!!! But would never ever fly with DH or the skids. BS didn't give me any problems on the trip except fight back to the girls but yeah I think all the driving drove them crazy. Road trips are hard so I will cut them just a little slack haha

DH's behavior was wrong tho so I'll def be coaching him the next vacation!

To answer the baby question.. I want one because I don't have family like other people and I don't want to grow up old and without blood family. I'd like one more, what if bs8 doesn't want kids, I need a back up just in case LOL

I'm only 26. I have time, but DH is 40, I wanted one soon because of his age and because I wanted to keep them relatively close together and that ship has almost sailed. But I guess I have to wait. A long time. Lol maybe I should just get a dog instead

Get a cat they're much easier

Crap I'm soooo allergic to

Crap I'm soooo allergic to cats. I like to see out of my eyes thank you! Haha

What jumped out at me about

What jumped out at me about your post was when he wanted the girls to get on the tube and they didn't it made him mad. He wanted them to do what he wanted to do. Yet, when you wanted to drive up in the canyons, he wouldn't do it. What you wanted to do didn't count. It seemed like you spent most of the vacation doing what he wanted to do.

I think you and BS should take a vacation alone. Why can't you? Who cares what SD's and DH think.

If he affects you son's happiness a great deal of the time, you probably should consider whether getting married is the right thing to do. Is he always that controlling - or was it just a "vacation thing?"

Yeah. Regarding the girls, we

Yeah. Regarding the girls, we spent a lot of time and money and driving to get them there to have fun with only one day on the boat in particular. So, they didn't have much time to warm up. It was now or never. I'm not defending him by any means. But he was just pissed because they do all kinds of water sports with their mom and this time we get to do it with them and they cry and chicken out with only one whole day to acclimate.

Yeah I really wanted to explore the canyons. He wouldn't let me drive more than in open water either because I've never driven but really he hasn't but maybe once. But of course I'm probably not as good at that sort of stuff... Next time I can practice when we have more time. Still, he knew I wanted to explore those canyons, they are so beautiful! The sandstone has waves all throughout compiled over millions of years and finding the tiny canyons is what leads you into the larger pools of different parts of the lake.

How can I propose to him that I want to go on a vacation with bs8 alone and how far away is acceptable? I really want to. But not in a harmful way.

Oh and he's not always that

Oh and he's not always that controlling, only when it becomes inconvenient or intolerable for him to handle and then he snaps. With certain things he has preferences like obviously I don't think I can do things without them and he gets irritated at those things but he is really low key and passive too. I can pretty much do whatever I want otherwise. If he thinks he can tell me what not to buy then I tell him to go fuck off

Lol