Having children and spending a lot of time with EX'S at children's activiites
With a blended family of 7 that is always on the go, how does one deal with the fact that there is a lot less couple time in a week then one would like? My SO has two active children, 1 more so than the other. I have three active boys who are always on the go as well. So needless to say, he is at his children's activities with his Ex and I am at my children's activities with my Ex most nights of the week. I feel as if we see our Ex's more in a week than we see each other. Some nights we are so tired at night that we barely get to have a conversation about our day. On top of that, he is horrible at any communication so I feel most of the time I do not know what is going on half of the time. He can go 12 hours without even texting. I have gotton to the point I do not even bother anymore because I tried for years to get him to text and communicate throughout the day. Tired of the one trying all the time. I love this guy to death, just kinda wish he was more in tune to relationships. He is so laid back and so non confrontational that he just goes with the flow of things. Nothing every bothers him. Thanks for letting me vent, being alone most nights sucks. I know in time the kids will be grown and this will all past. Just not easy, knowing your SO is hanging with his EX at games.
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Where does your relationship
Where does your relationship with BF fit in this frenetic mix? Busy kids are great except when it interferes with the working of a family structure. Seriously. Anyone been eyeballed by an ivy-league school already for their athletic skill? If not ... dial it way back.
Involvement is great. Engagement in a sport is great. Tai-kwan-do and baseball and football and soccer and lacrosse and trombone lessons and tutoring and school clubs and ... most of the time it's more about the parent's insecurities, fears and unfulfilled dreams than it is about the kids desires. Kids want parental approval. They will inevitably parrot whatever they think the parent needs/wants to hear. Plunk those same kids down with "camera's off" and they may be just as happy riding their skateboards, dinking around at the convenience store, plunked down on the grass with their friends figuring out who can blow the biggest snot-booger... BTW: even living in the boonies, the person who spends an entire practice watching a jr hi/hi school student sport several times a week sitting with the EX, had better be a coach -- but, more likely a parent without a life, avoiding going home. In my experience. (As a football coach)
Busy-work fills time and makes us feel productive. It sounds more as if your world revolves around well-intentioned busy-work than in any well-developed plan for a family.
It doesn't sound as if you have made the "couple" an important part of every week. The supposed foundation of this new family structure is getting what ??? Neglect. Sorry, I think that both you AND BF are neglecting the most important thing. May not be for him since he doesn't seem as if he is placing any value on spending time with you. He doesn't text because it is not important to him.
I'd be taking a long hard look at my life now and not fantasizing about what it may look like in a decade.
Hello, Thank you for your
Hello,
Thank you for your input, you are so right. I tried for many years to make couple time and make us just as important as the kids. We shall see where this goes. I have things I need to think about.
Hello, thanks for responding.
Hello, thanks for responding. You are so right.
Similar situation here. We
Similar situation here. We had to carve our couple time out and make it a priority. Wednesday night is date night for us. It has to be a VERY important event for date night to be changed or cancelled. You have to cultivate a relationship to keep it healthy.
Hello, Thank you for
Hello,
Thank you for responding. We certainly had many date nights, especially on our "off weekend with the kids" However, lately, it seems that sports have occupied even our off weekends. I am certainly going to try to set up a set schedule for a date night. Even if it is for an hour for a cup of coffee or something. Worth a try. Thanks for sharing.