Hello,
I am in a marriage with a woman that had two children a boy 8 and a girl 6 when I met her. Their dad died and I came into their lives two years later. We have been together for 7 1/2 years now and have a child together now 6.I unfortunately came into the situation with a lot of baggage. I lost my license for a D.U.I., I did not have a job. I owed the IRS $25,000. I did not have a career. I had just got out of prison for a five-year bid. I was an alcoholic and I took too many pills along with smoking pot. I was out of control, with no life direction. I wanted to change and we discussed that my wife would be the person to help me get my life together. I am in my second year of college for my Bachelor’s degree. I will have my license back in a year so I can get a job. Right now, I am collecting Disability. The situation is this everyone says I am too strict. I do not know what to do anymore. The stepchildren and I fight then my wife and I fight over that. The kids do not listen to me, never have. Their mother tries to over compensate for the fact that their father is dead. She babies them. They do not like what I tell them to do so they run to her and she yells at me for asking them to follow the rules of the house. This is what I see as issues, they sleep with the TV, lights on, sometimes PlayStation, and computers. One time the boy slept with the laptop, knocked it off the bed, and broke the screen. We have a 15 minute time limit for showers( I don’t know why it should take that long I take a 5 minute shower) but they have to be told every day for over a year to get out after 20 minutes Then when they are done the floor is soaking wet. They sit at the table with elbows on the table, feet on the chairs (crisscross applesauce or something). They cannot get food in their mouths and then do not clean up the mess after they are done. They are 14 and 16 now so their Mother told them they could swear like 3 years ago so they talk like truck drivers. I am not one to be saying anything about the way they talk but I think at their age it is inappropriate. They walk out of the room and leave lights on, T.V.’s, PlayStation, Computers, and fans whatever. They cannot close a bag of chips or any type of food container for that matter. Walk around the house with their shoes on. Now the rules in the house are all from my wife. All I do is tell them when they do something she does not like them to do. The boy is going into his third year of High School, which he has failed at least, six classes maybe more. They talk back and are disrespectful to both of us. They each have one chore the boy is expected to take out the trash the girl is expected to take care of recycling and my youngest takes care of the bathroom trashes. I cannot ask the 16-year-old boy to help me with anything (yardwork, repairing anything, shoveling nothing or there is a big scene). They did not start chores until they were 9 and 11. Oh, they also do their own laundry because, I do the laundry, and I tried to get them to turn their clothes out the right way before they gave it to me to do and they could not so now they do their own. I have tried to punish them and she has always told them she is their mother and she has the last word then gives them back whatever I took away. I have let it be for a while only interjecting when their behavior causes me to do have to do something after them like clean up after they are done eating. I try to explain to my wife that they have to listen to me when I tell them things and she needs to back me 100%. She says no their father died and you will never love them as he did. I say ok I want to but we cannot have or start a relationship or even fix what has happened until they start following the house rules and when I tell them something, they have to listen to me. I believe once that is established we can build a healthy relationship together. I want to teach my son a different way of life than what they have gone through and I cannot with the dysfunction that is all around him. They do not follow any rules. They have bad manners the oldest boy has flunked school for the past two years and she just let him start vaping at 16. Please tell me what I should do.