Newly Married, is this all normal?
Hi! This is my first time on this site. I just recently married my DH, who has 2 step sons, 10 and 3. I have a son who is 4 from a precious marriage. We have his kids half of the time, and I have full custody of my son (his dad is no where to be found).
It seems like every time we have his children, our household is stressed out! The day we get them back, they can do NO WRONG! My DH lets them get away with whining, being mean, talking back, etc. however, if my son is to do any of those things he is sent to time out or scolded accordingly. It's getting to the point where my son asks if my SS can just stay with their mother because they're mean to him.
Every time I bring up any issue about the way the children are acting, my DH gets offended and thinks I'm criticizing his parenting. I'm not. I believe that a child should respect a parent, at all costs, and that we shouldn't be their friends. DH worries that if we are too structured, SS will choose to live with BM when he turns 12. (BM is a completely different story, she is absolutely insane. Tells the kids that we are awful people, that my son is disgusting and weird, etc.)
DH has taken on the role of dad for DS. He seems to parent him completely different than his children.
HELP! I could really use some advice on how to make things even for all of the children in the home. I'm at my Whitt's end, and am so frustrated.
I think unfortunately what
I think unfortunately what your experiencing is all to normal in blended families. Google smart step family I have found their articles and book to be helpful. I also have started taking my two kids and leaving when his kids are here to do something fun and enjoyable with them. Trying to focus more on what I can control and focusing on being happy with them has helped
This is only the tip of the
This is only the tip of the iceberg. They say it takes 7 years to blend a family. I am on year 5 and I see 7 years being further off if at all. You need to take care of your son and yourself. When these children come into your home do the best you can to put on a brave face and put your best foot forward. If it gets to be too much leave with your son and go do something the two of you. Life isn't meant to be lived this way. But unfortunately, if you want to stay married you will have to do things differently until the daddy learns that this is what is going to happen if his kids are going to be allowed to behave inappropriately.
Also, I can not stress this enough. If you and your husband have common ground with the children...all the children allowing him to correct your son is ok. However, this doesn't sound like it is the case for you. Eventually your son will see this and he will rebel against you or your spouse. You correct your child. He can correct his own, until you come together as one unit in the parenting...you will save yourself a lot of heartache.
Keep calm and take care of yourself and your son.