How to deal with resentment toward step grandchildren
I meet my husband when he was 28 and I was 17. He had a child 7 years younger than I in a previous relationship. He was 15 when he had her and his mother ended up raising her since she was a baby. Well my step daughter decided to have kids at a young age with different daddies without a financial support system and live off the government and jobless and carless. She's 21 now and has 2 kids. I became a "grandmother" at 24. Well now my husband feels like he needs to make up for being a distant father by doing anything she needs him to do. Like keeping the kids now that' she's working and trying to grow up. He never discussed this with me and made plans with her so she can do what she needs to do. I feel like I have no ties to these kids and honestly as heartless as this sounds I resent them. I now have to sacrifice my husbands free time for them. We have our own kids to raise and now we have to raise hers too. I can't talk to him about this hell just make me feel guilty about it so it's pretty much a "deal with it" situation and I don't know if I can deal.
Advice? Please?!
Why can't you talk to him
Why can't you talk to him about it? Doesn't he work? When is he taking care of these kids?
DH does not get to make that
DH does not get to make that choice. He forfeit his right to raise his daughter when he dumped her onto his mother. His responsiblity is no longer to his adult daughter, his responsiblity is to you and the minor children you have together. The SGKs for sure should not detract in any way from DHs commitment to you and your children.
DH needs to understand this clearly. It might not be a bad idea to show him how much in CS he will owe should he piss you off to the extent of ending your marriage. He will get no CS credit for his adult spawn or her spawn.
The age difference beween you and your DH and between my bride and I is about the same. The difference is that she brough the spawn to the marriage and though I am older by 11.5 years, I have no biospawn.
Take care of yourself and your kids. Your DH needs clarity that his guilt cannot detract from his responsibilities to you and the children you have together.
Good luck.
This is the thing, your
This is the thing, your husband is feeling guilt and wanting to be responsible, fine but you do not need to pay the price. If you want to watch the kids that's great but you or your husband should not feel obligated. your husband need sot set a right pathway for his relationship with his child and not one that he, or you, are used. THEY need to establish a relationship, it's not all about what you both can do for the child.
Thank you everyone for your
Thank you everyone for your responses. No we do not raise her children, but we somehow became her sole caregiver whenever she asks. He works anywhere between 50-70 hours a week (on night shift) and will stay up to watch her kids but sleep when it's just us at home. I miss my husband! If he's not at work he's watching her kids or sleeping! It's not fair. I know I shouldn't feel so selfish, but I've never felt so less than in my husbands life than I do now and it hurts. I tried talking to him but he says he will always put his kids first. I guess he meant first by age! I'm just hormonal and aggravated. I know something's are none of my business but I went to her house to pick up her daughters clothes and her house was so nasty! My house is not perfect by all means but I don't leave baby food in bowls all over the house dishes piled up in kitchen, clothes thrown all over her living room, dirty diapers lying around, and my shoes stuck to the floor everywhere I walked. I'm sure you're asking what does that have to do with anything, but to me it just shows what kind of parent she is. And she wonders why her kids are sick! Sorry but this is the only place I can rant and let everything out! There's no one else I can talk to about this.
Thank you for your time in reading my post and comment.