New worries
Lately DH drinks every day... Mostly one or two beers or a glass of wine. Concerning because he has many alcoholics in his immediate family and beyond. I could tell he was off today, emotionally distant and he said he felt tired.....which really meant down in the dumps for him.
He perked up with our guests, good friends, and we all were enjoying the wine and dinner.
As the guests left, DH was slurring and admitted he was looped.
He disappears, and I expect to find him asleep in bed...I was shocked to see him in the tub, snoring, naked iof course with water up to the top! How dangerous. This is not the first time he has done this, and we have discussed how dangerous it is. So I sit on the bed outside the bathroom, hearing him snore and awaken for over 3 hours!
He then goes downstairs and cooks on my new Teflon pans and then is eating from the pan, loudly scraping with a heavy spoon! I said nothing and am upstairs now.
Clearly the drinking is escalating and the behavior?? I know tomorrow he will make light of it...
I know....I think he is
I know....I think he is asleep on the deck outside. Honestly I am afraid he will wake up and light the outside fire pit tonight.
I have tried all night to try to get him to bed. This behavior really really worries me. He is clearly depressed tonight.
No, just been through the
No, just been through the combat of divorce I guess.
In a few days, the child support is over and the final Ties are severed. Maybe forever, maybe this stuff is weighing heavily on DH.
We were all going fishing tomorrow out on a friend's boat, bright and early. I imagine not.
Don't you ever get tired of
Don't you ever get tired of all the BS that adult kids can bring into your life. What he needs to do is say hey you don't want to be apart of my life cool see you when you do and leave it at that...Sound bitter don't I , got to love being a step mom always brings out the best.
Just found him passed out on
Just found him passed out on the living room couch snoring.....while my 21 year old son is in the den on the phone. He helped me get DH up to bed.....he reeks of booze! I might be sleeping on the couch!!
Seriously though, this behavior worries me.
You say he was "passed out."
You say he was "passed out." How much alcohol did he drink? Passed out, or fell asleep?
What Echo said^^^^^^^^^^^
What Echo said^^^^^^^^^^^
No, removing alcohol from the
No, removing alcohol from the home is co-dependent behavior. He only is accountable for his actions.
I hope I am not wrong in
I hope I am not wrong in suggesting this, but look into Alanon. I drink. My DH does not. He is involved in AA. I just asked him which group would work and he recommended Alanon. I try not to be judgemental when it comes to booze. I drink too much, but it doesn't mess with my day to day shit.
I am sorry you are dealing with this. The folks at Alanon will help you and give you back up. <3
It is common for people,
It is common for people, especially men, to self medicate with alcohol when they are depressed. The real problem may be depression, which he is masking with drinking.
I agree with the suggestion to try Alanon. Also, quit enabling his drinking. If he is asleep on the couch, leave him there. If he is asleep in the bath, either make him get out or drain all the water out so he can't drown. Don't sit up for hours worrying about him drowning!
In theory removing all the alcohol seems like a good idea. However, if he is like my first DH - he will get mad at you and go out and buy more.
Good luck. Hopefully it is just situational because of the end of child support and all of the emotion that is going on with that.
DH woke up this morning,
DH woke up this morning, apologizing profusely. Told me he had been angry with me because he felt that I was not including him in certain issues with my children. Says he no longer knows his own children. I do realize this has been a stressful week for him. A few days ago, we happened to end up in a college town a few hours from here.....for lunch. It was the college where his ex had been for a year, and of course DH had been a visitor there.
As we are sitting at lunch, DH has a pained look, and says to me essentially " the last time I was here was 35 years ago. If I had known then about all life's twists and turns, what would I have done? ". Honestly, I got annoyed at this point. I guess I felt somewhat like chopped liver....second best....sitting there. We discussed it in the car ride home. He was adamant that he was not lamenting the loss of his ex....I do get that.....nobody sets out to get divorced and gave your children turn their back on you.
However, he is now asleep in bed on such a beautiful day......hangover.
So much stuff churning....
He admitted he was angry,
He admitted he was angry, rather than talking to you initially about his anger he drank. I didn't see how much he drank. He obviously had things on his mind he was pondering, perhaps even wanted to be left alone in his thought process. He was honest with his feelings about the messed up way that life has turned out for HIM. Yet, you take it as a personal hurt towards yourself? You become annoyed because you took what he said to mean that the crazy messed up life involved you? His actions are about him, not you. His emotions are about him and his feelings, not able you. His choices are his choices and not about you. Why id you take that personally??
One thing that you have to understand is that your husband was once very much in love with his first wife. I do not know the surrounding circumstances of the divorce but feelings don't just stop. He might be working thru a great deal of hurts and then you are voicing hurt feeling like you are left over and not #1 in his life? Where is this coming from? Do you feel that he loves her more than you?? Really think about that. What is good for your husband and any children that was a product of that marriage is that they can at least be on friendly terms and can together work thru issues with the kids but if you feel like you are fighting to be #1 in his life you are always going to be angry and jealous of any time your husband spends dealing with his ex and that is not fair to anyone.
Did your husband say he felt hungover or is that something you assumed?
Sounds like he needs
Sounds like he needs counseling. But being a man, he might not think so.
Now he is at his therapy.
Now he is at his therapy. Sitting in the office, on the computer, doing work.
I am trying to enjoy the day, sitting on the deck reading, and will get up to garden when the it cools off a bit.
It does seem lately that DH thinks if we do one activity for an hour or so.....that makes the day.
Does anyone actually spend whole days on weekends doing fun things with their DH? Is that just a fantasy of mine?
Do you work? Do you have
Do you work? Do you have friends or family you like to spend time with? Perhaps I am taking your post all wrong here but I get the feeling that you want all your husband's time and are not being very understanding of his situation or of him. I get the idea that you are jumping to conclusions that don't exist. Are you waiting for him to ask you if you want to do something? Is there anything wrong with you making a suggestion that you guys spend the day doing something fun?
In everything I have read in your post you come off as the "victim" but the assaults are not really assaults towards you or meant to be personal. Please do not take this as a personal attack but I have a feeling you are co-dependent and the way you are looking at situations is only going to make the situations worse. Read about assertive behavior and how to be more assertive. you walk down the road as a victim living a codependent exists and you are going to live a miserable life and make those around you very miserable. Take the leash off your husband's neck and start seeing him as a real person with real emotions rather than someone you are going to pick apart and condemn for everything he does.
My DH and I spend a lot of
My DH and I spend a lot of time together....hiking, thrift shopping, whatever. I would say that we spend more time together than apart.
I'm an alcoholic (thankfully
I'm an alcoholic (thankfully recovering). Sounds like he is or is becoming an alcoholic. Doesn't matter the issue that "drove" him to it. Alcoholics always find a "reason" to drink. I'm sorry. If you want to PM me plz feel free Newimp.
Whoa, wait a minute! I read
Whoa, wait a minute! I read your post and a couple replies. One of two beers or glasses of wine a night and you think there is a drinking problem? YIKES! I come form an alcoholic family. You want some insight on alcoholism? It is NOT one of two beer or glasses a wine a night!!!!!!!!!
Good advice step aside. And
Good advice step aside. And I will definitely drain the tub.
I think that dh does not associate his drinking, or his family's drinking with emotional triggers. His father he puts on a pedestal, and he makes the man out to be the most well adjusted guy going, yet he drinks from sunrise to sunset! When I ask him why he drinks if he has no issues, DH has no answers.
Clearly DH uses work as a means of coping, but now the alcohol is rearing it's ugly head. Can I say again, alcoholism is rampart in his immediate family.
I do have my eyes open. And I
I do have my eyes open.
And I see now my own issues. I married my first husband and he was gone all the time. I divorced him. I marry another guy, who is a workaholic. I am unhappy. My own father was depressed and withdrawn most of the time, never did anything with me.
Who has the issues??
I suggest counseling for
I suggest counseling for yourself.
and Alanon
and Alanon
He only lasted one day
He only lasted one day without drinking. Came home last night and immediately got a beer, and like a good workaholic, immediately started working. Granted, it was only one beer. We talked about it, and he doesn't see a need to slow down. Thinks I am silly. I did tell him that next time he pulls a drunk in the bathtub, I will pull the plug and go to bed. His choices.