Tired of Babysitting DF's Sick Kids

I have two DDs, ten and eleven, and my fiancé has two children. They are six and eight. We are expecting our first child together. My pregnancy is high risk, due to a few issues I have. At one point, I had my doctor telling me every week to prepare for a miscarriage. I do not need the extra stress, that's for sure. He gets his kids every weekend, and he works every weekend. That means, the kids are with me while he works. They are sick every single weekend. They cannot ever get well. They are coughing, sneezing, and running fevers every weekend. I am not joking. I absolutely cannot afford to get sick. They have poor hygiene. I have tried to teach them proper hand washing, but they won't wash their hands. They put their hands in their mouths, and are constantly touching everything. I am tired of babysitting sick kids every weekend. One, it puts me at risk, and two, it keeps me from leaving the house to do the few things I need to do. I am allowed by my doctor to run a couple errands, as along as there isn't a lot of walking involved. I cannot even do that if I'm caring for sick kids. My kids hardly ever get sick, and he is always asking my children to help care for his when he is not here. I said no, it is not their responsibility. My fiancé feels the kids should not be with BM in his weekend, even if he does have to work. It's not fair. I feel he is very selfish to dump this on me. He got angry last weekend when I refused to watch them while he worked. I took them to their grandmother's house. This causes me so much stress, which is very bad for my pregnancy. I feel he just doesn't care about me or our unborn child. I do not want them here if they are sick. I just don't, especially when the baby comes. I understand the baby will get a cold at some point, but I do not want my newborn back in the hospital with RSV. It is a very real possibility that I will deliver prematurely, and I am very worried about this baby's health.

FrustratedMomofTwo83's blog
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I never said he couldn't

I never said he couldn't spend time with his children. His stepmom lives right around the corner. The kids have a room there. He can spend his weekends there with them. I bought the nail biting deterrent polish to put on them, and they still put their hands in their mouths. My younger daughter had a thumb sucking issue. I put it on her, and it stopped her from sucking her thumb. The stuff tastes horrible, so I doubt hand sanitizer will stop them. Maybe I should have though this one out, but due to my issues, my doctor said I wouldn't conceive. The baby is coming now, so I need to worry about the unborn baby, not his kids.

When I have plans, boy does

When I have plans, boy does he get mad. He expects me to take them wherever I go.

Tell him to take HIS children

Tell him to take HIS children with him, wherever he goes.

Frankly, he sounds like an inconsiderate asshole who is using you.

He rarely has a day off

He rarely has a day off during the week. The problem is he will pick of extra shifts on the weekend. He does not need to do this. I have a desk job where I am making more than enough money. I am allowed to work, only because it is a desk job that doesn't require lots of walking. At some point, with my issues, I will need to go on bed rest. I have a nice nest egg, so money is not an issue. He does not need to work like this. I have asked him to change his work schedule so he can take care of his children. He says he doesn't work every weekend, but when he does have a day off, he picks up shifts. He works from 7am until 3:30, so that's when he spends time with his kids. I feel it is his visitation, not mine. I'm with them more than he is. He uses the excuse that we are a family, so I should have no problem with all of this. I would not put my kids off on him every weekend. He gets mad when my parents watch my kids but won't watch his. My parents have done it once, but his children aren't the best behaved. They said never again would they babysit for him. My parents have grown children, except for a a teenager. They don't want to watch several small children. I have an appointment coming up in two weeks. I am going to talk to the doctor about all of this, so he can talk to him about it. I have told my fiancé I am just about ready to end the relationship if things don't change. My parents have told me if I need to bring my daughters and myself over for the weekend while they are there, I am more than welcome.

Maybe he's picking up extra

Maybe he's picking up extra shifts whenever he can as an avoidance technique. It's pretty common, especially for men, to work extra when they are trying to avoid something --- his kids, guilt, you, the new baby --- whatever.

Ahhhh, the guilt trip of

Ahhhh, the guilt trip of "we're all a family here, right?" I call bulls*t. They have a mom, you are not her. You can love them, but being a stepmom is a thankless job and you do not have to put your life and your baby's life at risk for this. I know it's hard to stand up to the man you love sometimes, but you have to have courage and just say no. Imagine if something happens (I'm not even going to say the words) you'll be so resentful of him and his kids.

I get the guilt trip from DH too, but after all these years, I'm still not the mom of his kid and I will never get the credit I deserve (keeping him clothed in stuff that fits, hair cuts, doctor's appointments). I've come to accept that, but would never put my life at risk and when DH is out of town or working a lot, he has to find alternative housing for SS14. It is what it is. I used to feel guilty like you, but now I don't even bat an eye.

She can't bill BM for

She can't bill BM for babysitting during dad's time.

BM isn't the one at fault here.

They are her kids, and this

They are her kids, and this woman is okay with leaving her kids with the stepmother. Wth

She isn't interfering with

She isn't interfering with dad's visitation. Dad is the one dumping his kids on the OP and signing up to work each weekend.

If refuses to send the kids over, dad could take her to court.

Mom can't control what dad

Mom can't control what dad does.
If she withholds the kids, dad could take her ass to court. If they end up in court, who do you think the OP will support mom or her husband?

Dragging mom into this is wrong. BM is doing exactly what she is suppose to do. Dad is the one at fault.

I would have him pick up HIS

I would have him pick up HIS kids after he gets off work. There are some people here who believe that we as stepmothers should be responsible for stepkids and their fee-fees.

It is his visitation if he chooses to work then that is on him. I would never be watching kids that have a mother and a father who choose not to watch them. But that is just me.

It's putting your and your

It's putting your and your baby's health at risk so he shouldn't get angry with you for saying no. He's mad at your parents for not wanting to babysit? Good grief. He sounds like he has some entitlement issues.... Regardless of his feelings around family on this, your parents may not feel that his children are their family and they have every right to say no to whatever they want.

I would point out to him that he is making a choice to take these shifts and you are making a choice to take care of yourself. His children are Not your responsibility. Being family does not automatically make someone's presences convenient. It would be a problem if he invited his mom, aunt, brother or niece to come spend the weekend and then decided he had to work and you had to play host.

I agree with the entitlement

I agree with the entitlement issues. His views on family are obviously different from my parents. He feels if my parents can watch my kids, they can watch his. As harsh as it sounds, my parents do not feel as if his children are their grandchildren. They are not attached to them in that way. My parents babysat once, and after the way his children acted, they said they wouldn't do it again. I cannot fault them if that's how they feel. My parents have raised six children, the youngest is now 13. They are at a point in their lives where they can pick up and go as they please. They don't want to be free childcare for children while he goes to work. His own mother never babysits. He won't even ask her! His father won't even babysit them if he knows they are sick!

The boy is eight, the girl is

The boy is eight, the girl is six.

I definitely feel he's using

I definitely feel he's using me. I'm sick of it. I told him last week after the blowup when I told him I had plans and would not be available, that I was not his live-in babysitter. BM and I do not communicate. I am tempted to message her to tell her the truth that he is always leaving them with me sick. Honestly though, I don't think she cares. I think she's happy to be rid of them. The week before I found out I was pregnant, I got really sick. My breasts were hurting badly, and I felt like I was dying. He left the kids with me and went to work. I called him and told him I needed to take them to his stepmom' house right away. He didn't seem thrilled. He should have left work. I drove to my parents' house, and she took me to the emergency room. I'm glad she did. I had a very bad infection, a fever of 105 degrees, and a
heart rate in the 130s. I spent three days in the hospital. He should have left work to take me to the hospital. A week after I found out I was pregnant, I was bleeding and clotting. I was babysitting and had to wait until he came home for him to take me to the hospital. Instead of taking his kids to their mothers, he brought them to the emergency room. I was anxious and worried about the baby, bleeding, and it was just traumatic. I didn't want them there. He couldn't support me, because he was paying attention to them. Instead of comforting me while I cried, he was reading his daughter a book. They were in the room while I got pelvic exams. I did not want them seeing that. I was still early, so they couldn't see the baby or sac on the ultrasound. He told me I went to the emergency room for nothing.

Um, yeah, I'd be done with

Um, yeah, I'd be done with him.

Second that!!!

Earlier this week, I asked

Earlier this week, I asked him to leave. He started crying about loving his family and how can I want out when we are expecting a baby. Now here it is less than a week later, and I am back to square one. I'm going to have to put my foot down. I'm hiding my room while his daughter is coughing all over my living room.

Of course he was crying, he

Of course he was crying, he doesn't want to lose his babysitter. Did he say he would do things differently? Did he listen to your concerns?

He's manipulating you, that is obvious. Don't fall for his stupid man tears, he has shown you how much he cares.

This man is showing you

This man is showing you who/what he is. You have to believe him.

Your in an unhealthy

Your in an unhealthy relationship.

1. He avoids you and his kids. Loves to work weekends instead, and the extra money is not needed.

2. He does not take you to the hospital???

3. He gets mad if you have your own plans and you don't have kids yet, so you are free to make all the plans you want. However, be has kids, but makes working plans as he sees fit.

4. Has you watch his kids while going thru an exceptionally scary time in your life.

5. Works instead of staying home with you during this time in your life.

The guy is a dick. I would not want him as a husband. I would take my nest egg, go stay with my parents for emotional support during my pregnancy and leave his ass.

The good news is, they are

The good news is, they are not yet married. But yes, she needs to leave his sorry ass.

I have two children of my

I have two children of my own. My parents are more than willing to help me with my kids, but they do not want the responsibility of his kids. His own parents won't babysit for him. He won't even ask his mother, and his father won't babysit if he knows the kids are sick. He respects his father's wishes, but won't respect mine. He is angry at my parents for not wanting to watch his kids. He says we are separating the kids. My parents are not attached to his children, and don't really care for them all that much. They don't like their behavior, and they don't want sick kids at their house. When my kids are sick, I keep them home. My children's dad came into town, and they were with their dad for an entire weekend. I was still stuck babysitting his kids. Totally unfair. Honestly, I want him out of my house. I'm going to have to ask my dad to help me get him out. I'm so unhappy.

Yes, get him out and don't

Yes, get him out and don't fall for his tears or his bullshit. You are smarter than that, you know what he's really about, now.

The time has come for you and

The time has come for you and your kids to move out. I would be out by night fall. No reason to stay with a man like that.

The home is in my name. He

The home is in my name. He gave up his place to move into mine. He will have to leave.

That works even better! Shit

That works even better!

Shit head loses his free babysitter and his house. Karma is a bitch. Lol

My fiancé feels the kids

My fiancé feels the kids should not be with BM in his weekend, even if he does have to work.

Your fiancé is wrong. If he is not there, they need to stay with the BM. Otherwise, he needs to find alternate care for them while he is working or he needs to stop taking extra weekend shifts.

Whatever he would do if you were not in the picture, is what he needs to do. It's not up to you or your parents to watch his kids. If he doesn't want to make time for them, they should stay with BM.

I agree. He said he wouldn't

I agree. He said he wouldn't pick up shifts when he couldn't find a babysitter. Last week I told him he needs to do what he did before I came along. Here it is the next weekend, and I'm with them. I am definitely feeling used.

Stop talking and show him you

Stop talking and show him you mean what you say. Next weekend have your kids stay with your parents.

Saturday morning get up and leave the house before your husband leaves. That will force him to take the day off or scramble to find a sitter. Do this every weekend until he gets the picture.

If he gets slick and starts to leave the house before you wake up, wake hid kids up and take them to his job. Doing this ONE TIME really should solve the problem.

Now that school is almost

Now that school is almost out, I'm afraid he is going to have them here for the majority of the summer.

What does the court say about

What does the court say about summers?

The visitation is still every

The visitation is still every weekend, but last summer, he would keep them longer and expect me to keep them while he worked. I'd be the one shuttling them to summer programs. I am not doing it this summer. I am off during the summer. I am a school secretary, and luckily I don't interact much with the children. If I did, I would have taken off work the moment I found out I was pregnant.

Sure, while he

Sure, while he works?

ABSOLUTELY NOT! You are going to have to put your foot down (or up, as in, his ass). You know you are being used, especially when he gets mad that you or your parents won't take care of his business. He does not see your side of it at all or take your feelings or health into consideration.

Is this the kind of marriage you want? I'd consider getting my own place.

If I had a free sitter, I'd

If I had a free sitter, I'd also break down and if she said she was quitting. LOL

You know those tears were just for show, right?

After his actions today, I do

After his actions today, I do realize it was just for show. That angers me. I'm at my breaking point.

Good, that is what needs to

Good, that is what needs to happen for people to do what needs to be done. Use that anger to give you the strength that you need. You and your children deserve better.

My parents told me today

My parents told me today staying with them on the weekends is an option for me. As soon as he gets home, my children and I are leaving. Next weekend, I will do the same. I know showing him is better than telling him. I will not subject myself to this anymore. I am at my breaking point. My obligations are to myself and my children, not his.

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Tired of Babysitting DF's Sick Kids

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