Does anyone else feel this?
There is a post someplace here I read that explains DH "traits" as to how they tend to act like they need to fix things for the X or do things the way the X wants, etc. My problem is how my DH will be basically told what he should do or how he should do it when it comes to SD12 by mommy dearest and he'll be irritated at it, but in the end through guilt or some obligation he ends up doing things the way mommy dearest said.
What happens to me is it always makes me think is he doing this because he cares what mommy dearest thinks? Is he doing this just to shut her up basically and avoid arguing or general bullshit from her? How much does he agree to or do that I don't know about? If he hates her and doesn't agree with her, why does he still do things "her way". It just makes me feel stupid if I have an opinion on how he should do something and he acts like he is listening to me and understands, but then still does what she said, how she said it when it comes to SD12. It confuses me I guess as to his loyalty in a way, which I know sounds kind of stupid, but does anyone else feel this?
Because they are so terrified
Because they are so terrified of confrontation, and they would rather do it "her way" than anger her. And yes, that means he would rather piss you off than her.
I have a stepdaughter the
I have a stepdaughter the same age and a husband who handles things very similar with his ex it sounds like. You can read my blog to see where we've landed but basically he doesn't tell me anything about his ex (who intrudes all the time) unless it effects our schedule or our finances. If it does then I have a say and he respects it. I'm not sure that will help since it sounds like you're giving your opinion and then you feel like he's ignoring you and only paying attention to his ex. Maybe you can cut down the amount of stuff that you share your opinion about, keep it it to the essentials and let go of the rest. I'm new at this but I can tell you already it's made me feel much less stressed out. I just let my husband and his daughter do their thing, and this after 5 years of being Uberstepmom involved in every little detail of her life! It feels good to step back, it might work for you too?
When we started seriously
When we started seriously dating, as with most of us, BM went batshit crazy. I made it clear to DH that he was never going to keep both of us happy - BM and I had completely opposite views. He needed to decide who he was going to cater to & he had already proven he could never keep her happy - even when he gave her everything she wanted. I backed it up by being busy for 2 weeks when he blew me off for a BM demand. I rewarded him when he made the choice to cater to my requests. I do not play second fiddle to anyone. I am NOT a sister-wife.
Made it clear you are THE wife. Don't forget to reward that man when you feel he takes your needs/wants and makes them his priority.