Since When Does the FOC Caseworker Decide Who Takes SD to Appointments?
So I posted last week about how I took SD to the dentist for more work and I sent BM a text saying I had taken her to the dentist for massive dental work 3 times and now it was her turn and told her when the next appointment was.
She never responded but chewed DH out over it tonight saying she didn't appreciate the text I sent her and she called the FOC caseworker over it and the caseworker told her she didn't have to go.
Why is the caseworker deciding the mother does not have to take her child for medical care?
Has anyone ever experienced this kind of thing before or is it likely BM is making it up?
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What is involved with filing
What is involved with filing medical neglect?
We have already taken her for 3 rounds of dental work and her appointment for the last of it is scheduled for July.
I suggested he call the caseworker and ask what was said and he basically said there was no point as the caseworker never returns his calls anyway.
You expect the disney parent
You expect the disney parent to do something that isn't fun? Don't you know evil stepmothers are for that?
I never thought she would
I never thought she would actually take SD to the dentist. Her entire job has been dumped in my lap because she walked away. But I didn't think the caseworker would tell her "oh no, you don't have to take her, that's not your job."
That is a surprise, but I
That is a surprise, but I would still have your DH call the case worker to find out if that's really how it went down. And, perhaps he can talk to that person to describe what's been happening. If the case worker is only getting BMs side, then I'm sure it's a story that's been spun up a few times with a couple of lies.
Oh I'm sure she fed the
Oh I'm sure she fed the caseworker some sob story about how the evil stepmonster is being a bitch and saying mean things to her.
It's kind of hard for DH to tell the caseworker what is going on when she won't return any of his calls.
So dump the job into dad's
So dump the job into dad's lap where it belongs.
BOTH parents are using you.
If dad can't get the worker on the phone, why doesn't he go in and make an appointment or demand to speak to a supervisor?
Since SD needed and needs
Since SD needed and needs massive dental work, it seems obvious that BM never took her to the dentist. Thinking that having an appointment set will get BM to take her is wishful thinking. You may wish it, but most likely it isn't going to happen.
Saying my caseworker said makes it sound official. Did the caseworker say it? Most likely not that exactly, but whatever was said, it is what BM heard.
Bottom line. If BF and you want the dental work done, BF or you are going to have to take SD to the appointments. There is probably no way to get BM to do it.
Oh yeah, I always knew we
Oh yeah, I always knew we would end up taking her. There was no way in hell BM would get off her ass and take care of her daughter.
I'm just shocked the caseworker will tell BM she doesn't need to take her to the dentist but DH can't even get a phone call returned.
Well, I'm not sure that it
Well, I'm not sure that it matters what the FOC caseworker said, if anything at all.
The father has custody and BM only visitations . Sad as it may be, the BM doesn't have to take the child to appointments made by Dad/SM. So what if BM is making up FOC caseworker says this or that fibs? Reading the OP's other blogs, she appears to be extremely frustrated and full of resentment at the lack of participation on the BM's part. I 'get' that. BM is a poor excuse for what everyone believes a mother should be. But it doesn't change the fact that Dad is the custodial parent. And it doesn't change the fact that SM is the one doing all the hard work and taking the responsibilities of this child willingly from the father's hands. She's doing it all for Dad but blaming BM because 'she has to do it all'.
BM doesn't have to 'take turns' taking this child to the appointments. One would hope BM would want to be a part of these types of things anyway, but she can't be forced by Dad and/or the SM to give a damn. If the BM gave a damn she'd likely still have custody of the child. Bm doesn't have custody of this child for a reason.
None of that means though that SM has to or should be doing it all. If the child is a handful at the dentist, let Dad take the day/partial day off and take his own kid to the dentist. As long as SM is willing to keep doing all she does for the child and in place of the child's actual parent aka Dad, she's going to build more and more resentment towards both of the child's parents.
It's just my opinion, but I think it's unhealthy for the OP to keep focusing much expectations on the BM. It's sad but true the BM is not going to stand up and she really can't be forced to. OP needs to work with Dad to find ways to relieve the work and care she's putting into this child that is not hers and back unto the parent who has custody of the child aka Dad.
IDK if you will see this 4
IDK if you will see this 4 days later.
You are where I was 5 years ago. DSO got 100% of his 3 kids, then anytime babysitter, work or anything came up he said 'I don't know what to do.'
I was doing 95% of the work bc his job doesn't pay for time not at work. After 1 year, I told him to either cut back to part time or quit his job, get his own place to live and raise his own damn kids.
It took a while, but if you don't start laying down the law about what you will or won't do, then your DH/BF isn't going to go out of his way to do anything. You honestly need to go about your life as if the BM doesn't exist and hope one day she will want to be involved.
My BM only started to get involved when skids were teens and didn't need 24/7 supervision.