Slight ray of hope?
This is an update to DH's congratulatory phone call to daughter on a college graduation to which he was pointedly NOT invited.
A few days ago on our way out to a broadway show, DH gets a call from this daughter. He misses it, but immediately calls back, and she answers, then says she must have butt dialed him. She does actually ask how he is, and then claims she is in the middle of something....but will ring back.
Surprise, surprise....she calls within the hour, but we had been in lobby so dh tells her where we are and that he will call the next day.
He does, bright and early.....that was two days ago....nothing.
I told him that something made her ring back.....my opinion is he finally jumped high enough for her. But the interest just is not there.
He again feels hurt. But you can't change someone else.
One additional
One additional question....whenever DH rings her, he always gets a mailbox is full message after a few rings. Is she blocking him from leaving a message? She clearly does know he has called though.
Honestly, I would back off. I
Honestly, I would back off. I would mark the calendar for approximately 6 week intervals and call only then. Then I'd lengthen the spaces if I got no results. Give the girl some space. Let her get to thinking about dear old dad on her own. Let her feel what it feels like to not be chased.
I'm not sure this is good advice but based on her behavior I don't see anything good coming from your husband obsessing about whether she pocket dialed or really meant to call or is de facto blocking him. A ten second maybe I care/maybe I don't pseudo callback does not a relationship make. Maybe some maturity on her part will. She apparently needs some time for that to take place.
Just my kneejerk thoughts.
I do think this is good
I do think this is good advice. Stop chasing. She's made it clear that she doesn't value her father. I would not give up hope forever, and maybe with some maturity she will want a relationship with him. But that will come only when she's ready. If he calls once a month or so, and longer intervals if she doesn't respond, will keep that door open.
It's so sad.
I don't know.. I had a
I don't know.. I had a horrible, well, non existent relationship with my father. I hated to call him - I never had anything to say, and he'd hand the phone over to his wife, which was actually a relief. My parents split when I was around 18 - but that wasn't the issue - I had no relationship with him pretty much forever prior to their split.
He always pressured me to call him - when I did call him, he'd ask why I didn't call him more... the more I thought about calling him, the more I dreaded calling - the more time went by - more dread - it sort of just got worse in my head and I just never did get around to it. Then a holiday would come around, or something that I'd be invited to - and I'd go - and everyone would have coffee and cake and it was 'fine'... Rinse and repeat.
This could go either way, but I agree with Chief - let it rest for a while
Cat lettuce, there have been
Cat lettuce, there have been so many despicable moments it is just unbelievable. Right now DH is hanging his hat on the fact that she actually dialed his number back and that when he did call her back, her message box was saying full, so the poor girl has NO idea that he called. Bullcrap. If her phone's mailbox is full for months, she damn well has a record of who has called her.
This stuff continues to affect our relationship. He clings to the past I think because he is so fearful and hurt by the divorce and loss of these people he thought would love him for ever.
Same with my SO. His DD is
Same with my SO. His DD is PAS'd out, and DS has little interest in the EOWE visits. All thanks to the BM - seriously just a horrid human being. It's a terrible thing... my SO is a kind, nice, sensitive person - he is an amazing father. He doesn't deserve what he was handed, but it is what it is now - we'll see what the future holds, but I don't have high expectations of these folks.
My heart goes out to your DH and you - I really do understand what it's like - and how hard it is to watch.
Imagine that you get 4
Imagine that you get 4 tickets for your graduation and you do not invite your father, but have one of your mother's friends invited. Dh watched the graduation on video and we saw this person sitting there. Had to feel like absolute hell to see that, yet he still called to congratulate her.
So sorry for you guys Been
So sorry for you guys
Been there.. SO wasn't invited to his DD's HS graduation... Then she went with her mother to court when they sued him for college money... SO is a working guy - no big money - they all suck. Pisses me off a lot
Wow if I had a nickel for
Wow if I had a nickel for every time that scenario happened over my last 16+ years... the infamous never returned phone call.
Seriously don't over think it. The girl was just keeping options open and being nice - I agree with Cat, she will be wanting money soon.
Also - I would NOT mention the topic to your DH. He needs to get slapped in the face a few more times by daughter dearest but it appears the seed has been planted that sweet lil daughter isn't so sweet.