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DH and MIL are clueless, SD6 is a brat!

fuckitall's picture

SD6 came over to meet my BS6weeks yesterday.
MIL brought her over. They walk in the door with DH, he says "you remember fuckitall right?" She gives me this freaking sassy-ass look and I realized she does this every time she sees me and it rubs me the wrong way, setting up negative feelings from the start. I say "Hi!" warmly with a big smile. She just gives me this face like a moody thirteen year old would (doesn't surprise me. BM is constantly trying to make her older than she is, example one - she had her hair streaked with purple, permanently).
Anyways SD then ran over to DH and spent the rest of the visit trying to climb up him, sit on his lap, rubbing his head and face, commenting on his hair, pulling his hands all over her body (ewww) - until he said "Stop it SD this is a big couch" so she then giggled, climbed up on him again and began messing with my cat who was sleeping on her cat tree behind DH. She asks the cats name even though she knows and then says "we have a cat named that too!" Hmmm. DH didn't bother to correct this time because he's an idiot and let's her walk all over him (literally) and MIL is sitting there beside me all uncomfortable, she' obviously trying to monitor the situation to see if I'm bothered by it - I just pay no attention.
DH is ignoring SD's attempts to take over all his attention so she begins baby talking and shoving her feet into his face! At this point I couldn't help but laugh, MIL tittered like it was so cute and funny, but DH knew I was laughing at him cause his 6 year old has no respect for any adult and treats him like her toy.
So he firmly told her stop. She pouted for a second then turned her attention to me nursing the baby. She says "He's so little." I say "Yep that's your baby brother" She says "my mom said he would be little" I say "he's only 6 weeks old" she says "No! He's ALMOST 6 weeks old, my dad told me" actually SD, he's almost seven weeks, your Daddddd must have told you that last week but thanks for telling me how old the baby I just gave birth to is.
Instead of saying that I just nod and smile, it's easier this way. MIL and DH seem relieved that I'm allowing her to overrule me too. Everyone is now bowing to SD Yay!

SD then says "I've held babies before". I ignore this because I expect DH to handle this situation. I told him before she arrived that if she was going to hold my BS he needed to make sure she used hand sanitizer first (we have bottles everywhere). He never once got the hand sani, never mentioned it. So I just keep holding my baby - no one says anything, SD sidles up to me and starts grabbing his feet, fine no big deal. Then she starts grabbing his legs almost pinching them, picking them up and dropping them! This is where idiot Disney dad DH gets up and leaves the situation to go fiddle in the kitchen, (good job asshole) so I sit there with my baby and MIL on one side watching SD fiddling with my baby, and this big awkward silence. Except for SD saying "I want him to move!" Then DH distracts SD by getting her outside to play with the dog.
I go to pass BS to MIL because she always wants to hold him and DH always passes him to her, and she just looks at me! So I ask "did you want to hold him?" she says sure rather reluctantly and then as soon as she hears SD coming back in, she gives the baby back to me. Apparently her loyalties lay with the princess of everything. And it is no coincidence that this little visit has been arranged the day after I posted a cuts pic of MIL holding BS, tagged her in it, she never liked or commented on or mentioned the picture at all, but she did insist on bringing SD around to meet the baby the very next day. Sounds to me like her and BM got their witchy minds together and decided to insert SD into my face again and remind me who was here first.
I'm annoyed now and DH can tell so he tries to end the visit but not before SD walks up to me, looks at my baby and says "he has red dots on his face"... I don't even know what to say.. my baby has a little bit of newborn acne, he's still 100× cuter than she was as a baby.

Then SD runs over to the fridge where we have a picture of DH as a four year old, next to a baby picture of me and our son's sonogram pics. She just points to the pic of little DH and says "is that you Dad?" Yep he says and they have a little conversation with MIL about how old he is in that picture which OF COURSE goes back to SD and how old she is.
Then she kisses her dad goodbye turns heel and walks out with MIL, while I shout "bye guys" as they're already out the door.
There we have it. I really wanted to like that girl (I love kids and they love me) but this one is spoiled, entitled, rude and bossy and the stupid adults in her life encourage it. After she's gone I mention to DH how I think a lot of kids with no siblings grow up thinking they are the center of attention and he says "I don't think that's because of parenting, it's just her personality." Then I say "what happened to the hand sani?" He says "I know, it wasn't where it usually is, I just panicked." Lmfao!! All my respect for him jus evaporates at this point.
Nothing will ever change. In MIL'S opinion and DH'S secret thoughts his daughter will always be the most loved first child. I stupidly thought that maybe a cute baby would be able to win some love and attention but my son will always come second to that annoying bratty child.

Comments

NoWireCoatHangarsEVER's picture

well just try and picture mil as an old lady in her living room hosting pinacle night at her room. She's showing off to her friend's your son's MIT diploma on the wall next to SD's McDonald's employee of the week plaque.

AllySkoo's picture

Aw, I'm sorry! SD is one thing, 6 year olds are brats (I have a BS6). Your MIL is a freaking adult though!

Well, give it some time. BS is still very, VERY new, and I am 100% positive he WILL "win some love and attention"! It has been my experience that most people just don't know what to DO with newborns though. I bet when he's 6 months and interacting with them more, you'll see a difference.

Of course, as soon as he DOES start to get attention SD is going to ramp things up. *sigh* You might want to preemptively think about tactics here. I've always kind of been partial to making yourself out to be the "good guy". "Oh DH! I've tried so hard to make SD feel loved and accepted, and to foster a good relationship with her brother, and it's all just gone so wrong! She hates me and she hates her brother! I don't know what to do!" That gets him on YOUR side and hopefully he steps up to fix the damn problem!

momof4AU's picture

I have two kids with my DH, and have been living through this for eight years. My SD is my MILs favorite, and she doesn't even hide it. Get ready for the ride. AS is numbero uno princess and gets what she wants, whenever she wants. MIL barely acknowledges the other kids. She has let you know where her loyalties lie. I know exactly how you feel. MILs suck.

fuckitall's picture

Yep MIL walked out without saying bye too, well actually she said bye to DH lol!
I agree six year old are like this to an extent, she's just so obviously dad-ceneterd like she wishes I would disappear. The funny thing is I really did try with her. Last visit I was like baking cupcakes with her and taking her swimming, but it seems the harder I try to interact with her, the more rude she is to me! I swear this is BM shining through.
Glad to hear others have gone through this and understand. I am totally going to take the excersize suggestion to heart, lol that's perfect.

momof4AU's picture

I tried hard in the beginning, too. SD was 4 when DH and I married. The more I tried to engage with her, the nastier she got. That comment your SD made about the bumps on your son's face.....That is what I'd like to call a "zinger" - not a direct insult, but not a compliment. SDs with witchy BMs are very good at zingers. They are purposefully made to get under your skin without being directly insulting. My SD is 11 now, and I did the disengage thing a long time ago. It saved my sanity. I will be there if she needs me, but I think of myself as DHs wife...and to my SD, I imagine myself as a nice third grade teacher. If she starts her mess, I go straight to her dad. I don't deal with it. I don't know what it is about the SDs.

fuckitall's picture

Yes, the zinger. My SD is so good at this. I can't believe she's so young with this kind of attitude already. Where does it go from here lol.
I'm definitely disengaging just because of my own protection instincts. I can't keep trying and feeling hurt and insulted by this little girl.

momof4AU's picture

It never stops Sad - but it will diminish if you do your best to never react to what she says. They only do it to see if they can push your buttons. Or do the best they can to make you feel like crap....without ever directly insulting you! It's hard, because they are children. I still carry around all those past "zingers" - they are so insidious and painful. I have to shut of my emotions regarding my SD or I will go insane. But I do let my DH know how much it hurts me.

AllySkoo's picture

"it seems the harder I try to interact with her, the more rude she is to me"

And THAT is exactly when you lean against your DH and say sadly, "I wish your daughter liked me, I've tried so hard to be nice to her." If she's rude and you're sad, then YOU become the "underdog" in his mind, and he'll get mad at HER. If you're mad, then she's the underdog because she's "little" - but if you show/tell your DH how she hurts you, then he'll perceive her as having power instead of being some helpless baby. And then he's more likely to correct her.

Belated congratulations on your son, btw!! Smile

fuckitall's picture

Damm that is good! I can learn so much from you ladies on this forum.
Thanks for the congrats, he's the best thing I've ever done Biggrin

biomomof1's picture

i have 1 child w/ husband and husband and all of his family have a favorite its ss6 which is fine w me to an extent... bc of course my son is my favorite and thats all that matters i guess...

Strengthh's picture

My SD was like that at that age. The sass, the smirk on her face. Attention whore. Climbing all over daddy. The zingers. Even worse, outright insults. Acting in some way like a much older girl. To me it's worse than a brat. It's a little bitch in training whose only purpose will be to come over and torment you. And you can't ignore her. She's got her leverage. Your son who she will forever torment while acting like the loving innocent big sister to her daddy,