Frustrating! Need to vent!!
Last night we go to therapy and I felt like I got ganged up on. Things have been better between us. Turns out things that were in the past not so much anymore. He has issues with me coming in and decorating the house my way. I gave up a home I loved to move in with him. Because his house was one bedroom bigger than mine. I gave up walk-in closet and nicer bathroom. He said I would have carte blanche to decorate how I wanted. Ha! Everytime, I made a decision, I was met with resistance. Lots of fighting. Now the house is almost done and we both have had to get rid of items. Apparently, since the last room left to decorate is his family room, now he is bringing this up. So anything I say about the room is mean. I tried to be nice early on, but that got me nowhere. Now, I just want the stuff that is ugly to leave. I am not a bitch!! I just want a nice home that we can entertain in. He would rather leave his stuff alone. It got ugly. Therapist said I should just give in. Hell no. I gave in and left my home. Sold off lots of furniture and artwork. He got rid of things as well. But, I want a home that I like. If I am willing to do all the work, painting, landscaping etc, why should it matter to him???
He said I am too blunt and shocked the therapist. I said "Look he has a Pen--, why does he have to be involved in every decision on decorating". I believe what I said. I know it is sexist, but why can't he just give in on this and let me decorate. The house looks good. It is not like he is living in a slum. All these fights have been in the past. I thought it was getting better. There is one room left to do and a bathroom to remodel. After last night, I am willing to call it a day, because we can't seem to compromise on this. I can't move out now, I got rid of half my furniture. This is ridiculous and not even related to the SK's.
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Comprimise. When DH and I
Comprimise. When DH and I first bought our house, he was under the impression that every room would be decorated with Harley Davidson memoribilia. LOL!!! Uh, NO!!! We came to the decision that he could have 1 room in the basement to decorate, BUT I would also be helping, lol. Give your man 1 room. It seems like he doesn't like the rest of the house, just give him 1 room that you won't like and he will. I understand that you gave up alot to move into his home, but you did, so you guys are going to have to comprimise.
Is there maybe an underlying issue?
"If I turn into another, Dig me up from under what is covering the better part of me" -Incubus
I have given in on so much.
I have given in on so much. His family room has been untouched. Problem is that is the room where everyone congregates and I want it to look nice. He has a theme in there - Southwest. We live in the south. It doesn't fit. I was willing to let him keep the theme, just let me update the frames on his prints and make it more cohesive. You would think I was cutting off his arm. I gave in on colors in most of the rooms in this house. He keeps forgetting that. Now it is a tit for tat thing going on.
The underlying issue is that I gave up a home, I am living in his home he shared with the Ex. I am not bending on this and unfortunately, I think this will break us along with our parenting skills. When my house sells and we put the proceeds into this house. We will have paid it off. That makes me want to live with what I hate in this house, barely. Sorry really venting on this one. He is so frustrating.
DO NOT BE SORRY FOR VENTING.
DO NOT BE SORRY FOR VENTING. You did not mention that the home was shared with his EX. Yucky!!! He should give in on that. If I had to move into my DH's home that he shared with an ex, I would want to change everything too. I would not put what you make off of your house into his house. If your house hasn't sold yet, is there any way he would move there and sell his house? The one more bedroom thing is great, but not if its going to ruin your relationship.
"If I turn into another, Dig me up from under what is covering the better part of me" -Incubus
Agreed - But, how many
Agreed - But, how many things do I have to give in on before I completely lose myself. I swear this feels like the standoff at the OK corral. Neither one is willing to budge. God bless your mother, because your fathers skulls would have just mysteriously disappeared if I were her.
Also, my late husband had a bathroom all decorated in Bulls BB paraphanailia. I lived with that, I can live with the SW crap, if he lets me make it look cohesive.
The pre-nup completely
The pre-nup completely protects me if we divorce, so that is not an issue. However, my house is too small for him. Garage is and the fact that each kid needs a bedroom. Mine is up for sale. We live across the street from both of our kids best friends. I would love to buy a different house, but the housing market being what it is, not something I want to do now. I just wish that he would see that he is not being fair. I am not either, I know that, but there are some things that I just won't give on. Why does he have to have so much of an opinion on where every picture goes. I like to decorate, I enjoy it and I do it myself. I have made this house look so much better. I have spent hours trimming bushes to get them to a shape, he doesn't see the point. I thought that since most of these were arguments in the past and had been resolved, it was okay. Apparently, he wants me to leave that room alone, no exceptions. What he doesn't realize is that he just causes me to never want to be in that room.
JS- "NEVER" BE HOUSE RICH ,
JS-
"NEVER" BE HOUSE RICH , CASH POOR, YOU ARE BTTER OFF PUTTING THE MONEY FROM YOUR HOUSE INTO INVESTMENTS. AS LONG AS YOUR MORTGAGE IS WHAT YOU BOTH CAN AFFORD MONTHY.
ANOTHER WORDS...AN EXAMPLE..BELOW:
SALE OF YOUR HOUSE $100,000
BUY- 10-$10,OOO CD'S EACH PAYING 3 % INTEREST (COMBINED 33% INTEREST)
HOUSE MORTGAGE 100.000
6 % INTEREST..
YOU MAKE MORE ON INVESTMENTS, PLUS SOME EXTRA. DOING THIS INSTEAD OF PAYING OFF A MORTGAGE...IF ANYTHING YOU COULD DO A LARGE PAYMENT ON JUST THE PRINCIPLE...OR BETTER YET PAY THE MORTGAGE IN TWO PAYMENTS A MONTH- BI-WEEKLY..THAT WILL KNOCK PROBABLY 10-14 YEARS OF INTEREST YOU PAY.
OR PAY "ONE" EXTRA PAYMENT EVERY DECEMBER THE 13TH PAYMENT THAT WILL KNOCK OFF ABOUT 8 YRS OF INTEREST ON A HOME LOAN
THIS MEANS JUST TWO OF YOUR NEW CD'S(OR ANOTHER INVESTMENT) IS PAYING YOU WHAT YOU PUT OUT EACH MONTH IN INTEREST OF THE MORTGAGE YOU HAVE NOW.
AND THE OTHER 7 CD'S YOU'RE MAKING MONEY ON.
IF YOU CHOOSE TO PAY IT OFF..ALL YOUR CASH WILL BE GONE AND YOU WOULDN'T BE MAKING ANYTHING. PLUS NO TAX WRITE OFF.
YOU ALWAYS WANT TO HAVE A MORTGAGE..IF YOUR INTEREST RATES ARE VERY LOW...DO NOT TIE UP THE CASH...BECAUSE ITS SITTING IN THE HOUSE NOT MAKING YOU A EXTRA PENNY.
JS--I DON'T KNOW IF YO ARE
JS--I DON'T KNOW IF YO ARE MARRIED OR NOT..BUT BEWARE BEFORE YOU PUT YOUR ENTIRE LIFE SAVINGS, OR MONEY FROM THE SALE OF YOUR HOUSE INTO HIS..
ALSO DON'T DEPEND ONLY ON A PRE-NUP FOR PROTECTION.
ALSO IF YOU DECIDE TO DO WHAT YOU PLANNED,(USING YOUR MONEY TO PAY OFF HIS HOUSE) USE A LAWYER TO ADD YOU ONTO THE DEED...WITH RIGHTS FOR SURVIVORSHIP DEED. 100% THE HOUSE GOES TO YOU & YOU ONLY.
LETS SAY, HE DOES ADD YOU...NOW YOUR BOTH ON THE DEED..HIS CHILDREN COULD COME BACK AFTER HE DIED AND CLAIM 50% OF THEIR DADS ESTATE.1/2 OF THAT HOUSE....ON HIS 50% OF THAT HOUSE...YOU NEED A SPECIFIC DEED FOR MARRIED COUPLES. AND IF YOU ARE NOT MARRIED ITS EVEN WORSE.
DON'T JUST ASSUME BECAUSE YOUR ON A DEED THE ENTIRE HOUSE GOES TO YOU..ITS 'NOT' ALWAYS THAT WAY.
I HAVE SEEN A COUPLE.. LIVE TOGETHER...HE BUYS THE HOUSE...YEARS LATER THEY MARRY...3 YRS LATER HE DIED...HIS SONS CAME BACK TO FLORIDA...GOT A LAWYER AND TOOK THAT HOUSE.
BECAUSE HE OWNED IT IN HIS OWN NAME BEFORE HE MARRIED HER & THEN DID NOT ADD HER TO A SPECIFIC DEED.
PLEASE NO MATTER WHAT, MAKE SURE YOU HAVE A REAL ESTATE LAWYER TO HANDLE ANYTHING YOU PUT INTO THAT HOUSE REGARDING MONEY OF YOURS.
There is no way i would have
There is no way i would have moved into the house that my BF had with his ex wife. Is the furniture the same? What about the bedroom. No way.
Trust me - I do Investment
Trust me - I do Investment banking for a living. I am well protected. The Kids get certain accounts if he dies and I get certain accounts. Two lawyers drafted the pre-nup one for each side. Our wills are done as well. As for paying off the mortgage, it doesn't make any sense to ever have debt. The interest rate is great for both of our homes. If you can put less toward the mortgage each month, you have more to put in retirement accts. We both have substantial inheritances coming our way and that is protected as well. My issue is really the decorating not paying off his mortgage. My goal was to be mortgage free by the time I hit 50. That goal doesn't change because I got married. I was on track to do it with my own home at 48. I would rather have my money work for me in investment accts, than to have it pay down debt.
Bedroom Furniture was all replaced. That was a definite.