Scheduling frustrations
Do you ever feel like you aren't in control of your own life because of the skids schedule? Well I have and I decided that wasn't working for me. I'm tired of the 'let me check with bm' or 'I'll have to ask bm if we can switch the schedule' from my dh. Which always results in a long drawn out email war between them. They both follow the co and rarely budge on one off scenarios, ie grandparents visiting, family birthdays etc.
Lately I have been making plans for me and my dd without worrying about bm's reaction or if my skids can attend. If we have them great, if we don't... well it's not my issue. I let dh know of our plans and then if he wants to fight with bm, that's his choice but I am staying out of it.
In theory this works, but now my dh is angry his kids are missing out and anytime we talk about our calendars he gets all worked up about having to deal with bm and ask for a schedule change. Which has made it difficult to talk to him about things happening in our lives because he gets so frustrated.
This feels like yet another wall in the life of a step family. Ugh.
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It sounds like your DH has
It sounds like your DH has not come to terms with the fact that when you divorce, you must split time. And that means his kids simply won't get to do EVERYTHING. Oh well.
This sounds awful. The only
This sounds awful. The only person who expects us to schedule our lives around Chucky is MIL. No holiday or family celebration may happen in her view unless Chucky can be there. Life just doesn't work that way. I feel for you. Just do your things on your time, life cannot be lived according to an EOWE schedule.
Exactly. Every once in a
Exactly. Every once in a while bm gives in and lets us have the skids for some event and I think dh sees hope or is chasing a carrot. I understand it's hard for dh and skids but like you said, it is what it is. The biggest issue is trying to talk to dh about it. He gets so frustrated, which I understand that it makes into an argument almost every time. We can't even talk about a birthday party without him being frustrated because in his mind he has to deal with bm.
Why can't the birthday party
Why can't the birthday party just be planned during his parenting time?
I wish it were that simple,
I wish it were that simple, but it's not. The two weekends around dd's birthday the skids are with their mom (normal schedule and mothers day weekend) and then the third weekend I'm out of town for work. The only options are during times we don't have them...and then there is dd's dance recital. Yet again, on a weekend we don't have skids and I can't change the date of it.
None of it is purposeful, it's just the nature of the chaotic schedules.
Birthday parties can be
Birthday parties can be anytime. Those are the things I would never schedule on a non-kid/skid weekend. I'd be pissed if my husband did and he would be if I did.
The recital, of course you can't change that. Those are the things you suck it up about.
That's kind of life with
That's kind of life with kids, whether step or not. At least add they grow older.
We have 2 kids graduating from high school this year, his and mine, plus three others at home. Trying to schedule anything is a nightmare. We gave up on a family vacation this year. Between 3 kids having jobs, college visits, proms, sports, graduations, it's just been a no-go. And that doesn't even take into account time with their other parents.
There are times when One or more of our kids miss out on something. For example, a few months ago we had a big event with my family. It was not planned by us. His kids were out of state with their mom, so they couldn't attend. Disappointing, but that's just how it worked out. However, we absolutely never plan anything big or special when either set of kids are with the other parent.
I wouldn't stand for my husband purposefully planning things without my kids, and I'm sure he wouldn't either.