When I came in to the relationship with my husband, I was excited if anything to be around his two sons. From the beginning his ex hated me but after cheating on my now husband she begged for him back and then hated him for moving on. She is one to not keep her mouth shut so we know that many awful things have been said about us around the kids. Including her lying and saying that I was the reason for them breaking up even though my husband had moved out 6 months before we even met. For the first 4 years of our relationship, my husband and I made a point to go places and do things with the boys every time we had them. Mini golfing, movies, out to dinner, etc. We wanted to have fun with them but most importantly want them to enjoy spending time with us. During this time we were constantly told by their BM that the boys hated coming to our house and she also made a point to tell us all of the bad things that they said about us. The problem was that while we had fun, we had rules. Their BM's house was a free for all. They could do whatever they want while she went to the bars, partied with friends, went to concerts, etc. When she was actually around she acted as their best friend instead of their mother. My husband were not mean by any stretch of the imagination, we just asked that they pick up after themselves, clean their bathroom from time to time, be nice to each other, not lie or steal from us, etc. We had very basic rules that in my opinion every child (or adult for that matter!) should follow. 4 years ago my husband and I got married and that was when things got even worse. At the wedding they frowned and cried during pictures so pretty much they were all ruined. They made fools of themselves by running around with a pig head (being the low key people that we are, we had a pig roast). I tried my hardest to not let it get to me but there was a part of me that was very embarrassed. Here we are trying to raise these two polite and well behaved boys and they are showing ALL of our friends and family how horrible they act. Afterwards they continued with the awful comments and got to a point where they would cry to their BM about coming over. The older of the two even said that we locked them in the basement. We had a finished basement at the time and we let them have the bedroom down there so they could have their own space. Literally it was like a toy store between all the games, nerf guns, legos, tv with cable box and dvd player that they had on top of the fact that the basement didn't even have a door for us to lock (not that we would anyway). The younger of the two complained to my MIL after Christmas that all he got was an XBOX 360 and a bike and every time we went somewhere he had to comment that he had been there or done it already. It was very frustrating and after awhile we stopped taking them places. We could not help but feel unappreciated. Since this time we have had two babies and because of this we do even less. It is very hard to take a 2 year old and a newborn to movies, dinner, laser tag, etc. so now they have decided that they don't want to come over at all because they are bored. One thing to note is that the older of the two is not biologically my husbands son. He raised him from the time that he was 16 months old and his bio-dad was a bad person so he was not in the picture at all. Over the course of the past 6 months we have been called numerous names, the older has completely stopped coming over (including Christmas when everyone in the family had bought him gifts) and the younger has vocalized to anyone that would listen that he wants his mother to go back to court so that he didn't have to see us anymore. The older has now reconnected with his bio father and his mother was the one that initiated it. He was abusive and still is in to drugs and far too much alcohol. My husband is devastated because he feels as though he has lost his sons yet for obvious reasons he doesn't want to let go. I on the other hand am sick of being told how much they hate me and hate coming over so I have developed the attitude of fine, then don't come. When my SS comes over, he hides in the basement and doesn't come up for meals unless he is called. The only time that he talks to my husband is when he is asking for money for field trips or for other such things. He doesn't talk to me at all and I cringe every other weekend when I see my husband pull in the driveway with him. I do not feel comfortable in my own house and I am terrified that my two babies are going to become attached just so that he can walk out of their life when he is 18. I think that many of my feelings towards them are anger and resentment for the way that they treat my husband but also because I loved these boys and they has done nothing but hurt me. My husband and I fight only about them and I am at a point where I wonder if I should just walk away. I love my husband with everything that I am but I am not the person that I was 4 years ago. When it comes to them I am so bitter and I hate myself for feeling this way about them. I just don't know what to do because I feel like they are going to be the demise of my marriage and they will enjoy every minute of it. I need advise from anyone that will listen and lots of it!!!