Planning an "ours" baby
My husband has three kids and the oldest is about to graduate high school. Next is a boy two grades younger, and a last a girl two years younger than that.
My husband has had a V after his last girl. And we are looking into having more kids now. -I've never had any and am considerably younger than my husband.
We are having our first Dr appointment next week and so far we have not told ANYONE of our plans to try to have a baby.
BM had a miscarriage(supposedly-although I think she faked it, but that's another story)
and DH is very spooked about telling anyone about me being pregnant until it is for sure.
He is thinking 3months-the superstition thing. I kinda get this. I know MANY people who don't tell anyone until after 3 months. However, considering that my husband has had a V and NO ONE is expecting a possibility of pregnancy, I think it would be a HUGE BLOW to everyone-INLAWS, my mother, the skids, BM,... for me to suddenly be 3months prego and only have 6 months to be prepared for the idea that a baby is coming.
Know what I mean?
I just think it's very unhealthy and I don't know how to approach the idea.
It's already going to be hard for everyone to accept especially because DH was SOOOO against ever having another kid with BM.
I'd like to tell people we are trying. Wanting to try. Even if I never get pregnant. Just so it's not so BIG of a shock when I'm 3 months pregnant and SURPISE another baby is here!
My husband is very against this.
THIS I think most of his
THIS
I think most of his peers will think he's nuts for planning to have another when his kids are almost grown.
I get this all time because my son is 23 and I want another child (or two). People are always tossing out my age, son's age and all of the high risk stuff. When I was TTC, I didn't tell anyone. If I ever get pregnant again, the only people I plan to tell early are my mom and sister. Everyone else will find out when I start showing.
We are having our first Dr
We are having our first Dr appointment this week for Invitro, sorry I did leave that out. So we are actively trying and he doesn't even want me to tell my mom.
And I get the disappointment if it doesn't take, but as far as everyone knows we had absolutely no plans of having kids and couldn't have kids. I just don't want it to be a double shock-oh yeah we are having more kids and oh yeah it will be here in 6 months.
Tommar-BM miscarriage thing, DH believes because it hurt him so badly. BM's sister let it slip when she was drunk that BM was never pregnant and was trying to get DH to marry her. DH proposed. BM "miscarried". DH called off the wedding. BM got pregnant with oldest SD-wedding back on. BM's sister said BM told her "Guess I'm gonna have to get pregnant for real to pin him down." -That's what I"m basing it off of. DH admits he never went to any doctor appointments. BM wouldn't let him.
Foreverystacy-I see you are still on the prowl- No I'm not a vindictive bitch trying to rub it in BM's face. I really don't give a shit about her. I honestly want to tell my mom because I'm excited. I truly care about my stepkids easing into this situation instead of it being sprung on them. And I would like the word to get out that we are CHOOSING to have another baby because it is widely known that my husband got a V and if I just end up with a belly without an explanation people in my small town will talk.
People are going to talk no
People are going to talk no matter what you do.. Even if you put out the word about the reversal, some will it a lie to cover up that you cheated on your husband.
The choice you make should be based on what the two of you are comfortable with, not what folks down the block will say or think.
It's up to you if you want to
It's up to you if you want to tell people, but I don't think others "need more than 6 months to prepare" like you think they do. I'm considerably younger than my DH, my SD was 20 when our oldest was born, and we had to battle infertility for a few years before things worked. My DH did not want to tell a word to anyone until I was in my second trimester. That was his choice. I chose to tell my immediate family sooner. That was my choice. It was fine. SD20 was horrified we even wanted a baby, and didn't have contact with DH until our oldest's christening. Nobody else cared at all. If the skids are going to be upset, a couple of months won't change much.
Best of luck. IVF is very emotionally difficult. It didn't work for me (although I think it helped prime my body) but I'm always thrilled to see it work for others.
TESA- It's a kind of sperm
TESA- It's a kind of sperm aspiration for post V when there is no desire for a reversal or it has been over a decade since a V and reversal is very low odds of success rate.
My husband didn't want a reversal because he didn't want an "oops" in another 15 years when I'm still fertile and he is ready for early retirement.
Why don't you join a ttc
Why don't you join a ttc forum? That way you can chat and discuss what is going on and get some moral support but you aren't breaking your husband's confidentiality.
I announced my pregnancy when
I announced my pregnancy when I got my first ultrasound printed out. I had already told my mom the morning after I tested positive along with my two bestfriends. Half of me says that you should tell everyone when you find out and the other half wants to caution you that regardless of age, there are a lot of women who experience miscarriage so you should wait until your little nugget is stuck. Me and DH use the Glow Nurture app and it helps with those TTC and those pregnant with updates and chat forums. You should give it a try. I think ultimately you need to take the least stressful route and if that means keeping that secret then do it. If you have one iota of thought that BM will cause trouble or a family member will be negative/stress you out then mums the word. It's not worth it dampening your excitement.
I was in a similar boat, but
I was in a similar boat, but my skids are much younger. DH had a vasectomy reversal and we started trying to have kids. Only my sister and his father knew that he had the surgery. We didn't tell anyone anything until I was actually pregnant, right around the 12 week mark.
There isn't really a "need" for anyone else to prepare for your baby. Just the two of you. 7 months is a long time; plenty of time for skids/family/friends to get used to the idea.
We broke the news at 12 weeks; I'm 26 weeks now and any shock or awe has pretty much completely worn off lol.
My sons friend is 12 years
My sons friend is 12 years old. I got to be friends with the mom, to this day,,there are still little rumors that either his dad isn't really his dad or sometimes it's a backhanded "compliment" as in what a great guy for stepping up and raising the boy as his own. All because......she found out she was pregnant two months after they met, they got married two months after that. So married 4 months after they met. It is his kid, they are still married, it just started out kinda different. People who know them know the truth, but some people still talk and the boy is 12.
So I can see why you would want to put the word out now that you are doing IVF, other wise, if IVF works, you could find people speculating for years or decades if you cheated. Saying things like she cheated and got pregnant,,and what a great guy, raising the child of the man his wife cheated on him with.
If you do put it out there, and you don't get pregnant or have one or several miscarriages, then your grief is public.
Tough decision.
i dont think its anyone's
i dont think its anyone's business where a couple is at relative to children. im with your husband - i would not tell anyone.