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How to dis-engage when your life is being affected?

janice811's picture

So my hubs had to go to mediation with his ex over my SS... I have previously gone to no avail because nothing ever gets settled or changed with these meetings... well they are currently at one.. and while I would love to dis-engage myself and have to the point where I pretty much try to have nothing to do with my SS... I am not at this meeting and my world could be changing and I do not know it or have any control... what is my SS comes back to live with us... what about visitation, what about medical costs, etc.... I am going in sane here... Dis-engaging is not easy.. and along with that.. its been 2 hours and my husband has not returned my text... what do I do or say when we both get home? Do I ask about it or not?

janice811's picture

Mediation was at 2:00 its now 5:30pm and no word from hubs... should I ask him about it when he gets home? Be upset that he hasn't contacted me?

janice811's picture

But I have no control over what happens in this mediation... he could end up back living here by court order... then what??

Shaman29's picture

Then your husband cooks, cleans, does the laundry for and deals with his son. On. His. Own.

Stop behaving like a little woman with vapors and take charge of your own life.

You are in charge of your own destiny. You can either sit back and let life happen to you, or you can stand up for yourself and let them both know "You're mad as hell and you're not gonna take it any more!!"

Stop allowing others to control what happens to you. Get a job (if you don't already have one), get out of the house, go spend time with your friends, take an oil painting class, join a book club. join a wine club....do anything that makes you happy.

As with Dr. Frankenstein, he created this monster. Let your H and his ex deal with their son.

Not your kid, not your problem.

janice811's picture

No agenda that I know of... it was my choice not to go because I have been to other of these and they do no good and the BM usually ends up just bitching and complaining and nothing gets accomplished. So I chose not to go... My husband knows what I want and such but he doesn't stand up to her and I am afraid of what will happen. I honestly did not think she would show up, she has a history of not showing up after we have taken time off work and such. At 2:30 I sent a text to him to ask if she showed up at he replied yes... that's it.. for the past 3 1/2 + hours... no other word from him. He has 2 cell phones so the phone battery thing would be a no... I would have thought I would get a phone call, be conferenced in or even a text to say he was still in meeting or whatever.... but nothing...

Rags's picture

If you did not give a shit enough to go to the mediation why are so concerned about the outcome? I was with my DW each and every time we were in court. I was on the stand, I had skin in the game. It was my bride, my marriage, my home, and my family that was impacted by the process so for damned sure I was there.

DH should have called you as soon as he stepped out of the mediation to update you. However, since you did not care enough to attend, why should he care enough to make a specific effort to update you?

If you don't participate, don't bitch ... transfer.

This is also my issue with disengagement. It is a home, marriage, spouse, and family that someone cares about, why disengage then complain about it?

IMHO of course.

Jsmom's picture

You should have at least had the conversations before he went to this. I guarantee you, that as disengaged as I was, if it impacted my life, I was involved and gave my opinions and told him what I would and would not do.