Move. Then file for divorce. Find a state with the shortest residency requirement for that state to have jurisdiction and own his adulterous ass. To give yourself some advantage enroll in college out of state. That is what my DW did and she retained custody for the duration of my SS's childhood.

That is what I would do were I you.

Why continue to invest in this cesspool of a relationship? It is never in the best interest of a kid for parents to stay together when this kind of trust crushing crap goes on. The kid will not have a clear and good example of a loving healthy marriage or of happy parents.

In our blended family dream my Skid (SS-22) has the stability of having been raised in a loving home and in a loving 20+year marriage between his mom and I. Our home and family is diametrically opposed by his Sperm Idiot's serial out of wedlock breeding career (my Skid is the eldest of 4 spermidiot spawned all out of wedlock half sibs by 3 different baby mamas). The Skid, his mom, and I are all extremely close and he has next to nothing to do with his Sperm Clan. They disgust him.

Give yourself a shot at a happy life. Give your kid a shot at having a happy mom and seeing her in a healthy, happy, and quality marriage in the future.

IMHO of course.

Take care of yourself.

How can you see yourself in 5 years? Will your husband stay faithful? can you live with that even if you don't know the trust has gone.
I don't want to say stuff that might upset you, however you have given it your best shot, he might be an Ahole of a partner however he could still be an amazing dad.
Divorce him however he is still your babies dad. He has the right to see her. Why would he get primary custody over you?

You need to think twice before you punish him for cheating by withholding access to your child together. You are mad/upset at him, that is understandable. But your child still needs a father. If DH and I were to split, I already know I would get primary custody (he and I have discussed this, I am more stable and more involved in their school and extracurricular activities) but I would want them to see DH as much as they possibly could. They need their father in their life.

I have seen relationships recover from infidelity , emotional or physical. But this happens when the cheating partner both acknowledges their wrongdoings and recommits to his partner, and his partner is able to let go and focus on moving forward. This is not always achievable instantly and often takes time.
But both partners need to let go of the past and mean it.
If you feel that this is possible and he displays the above then you may owe it to yourself to give it a shot. Set a timeframe for review though.

Good luck

Sorry, wanted to add this is best done under the guidance of a good psychologist.

His spousal relationship has nothing to do with is parenting. You thought he'd be a good dad when you got pregnant by him so why not now? This is almost the same as a BM keeping their kid away from the dad because the dad no longer wants to be with her. He cheated on you, not his kid so don't punish your kid by trying to reduce her time with him. That's selfish thinking and a judge won't like that. That being said, divorce him and know that with seperation comes splitting time. Holiday, birthdays, school breaks, etc. Are you prepared for that. Are you prepared that you won't get to wake up with your daughter for Christmas every year? Because you can't have it all, you're just as important as a parent as he is to that kid and this is what happens when you decide to leave. Are you ready for him to see him move on? There's a difference between leaving him to get back at him and leaving him because you can no longer have a relationship with him. Note that I said YOU can no longer have a relationship with him and not your daughter. I think 75% of the BMs we deal with on this site are BMs who left DH for one reason of the other out of spite or with the mindset that they could/would come back and guess what...that didn't happen. Now they are spiteful angry and difficult to deal with and WE are the ones taking the brunt of their hurt. I'm not saying you will be one of them, I'm saying that your justification for only letting him half EOW is along the Golden Uterus guidelines we deal with regularly. If you can't do any of these things then you need to try to see a marriage counsel and work out your issues. I know people say cheaters never change and while it's true 95% of the time, it's not all.

Welcome to the club. It sucks. But I don't agree with the "once a cheater, always a cheater." IF the cheater is willing to do the hard work to identify why he (or she) was willing to betray his wife, and IF the couple is willing to do the hard work necessary to recover from the affair, then marriages do survive. They're not the same, but they can be good.

My story, in brief. DH has always had female friends. DH is also quick witted, and frequently his wit would lead him to sexual innuendo. So lots of sexual banter, including one woman sending him nude pictures of herself. I discovered three separate instances of emotional infidelity (he claims none of these were emotional affairs--i don't care what he claims). Was I stupid for not leaving the first time? Maybe. The second time? Yeah, when I discovered the third instance I was sorry I hadn't left. But there I was again, and I very clearly and simply told him that he needed help, that his promises to me meant nothing, and our marriage was all but over. End of discussion. The next morning he was in his psychiatrist's office (he's being treated for depression and anxiety) looking for a referral to a therapist. Deep down I knew he did love me, and I guess that's why I stayed.

Two years later he is still in counseling. He's working his ass off, and I still check his email, fb, phone, etc. to assure myself that he's not back to his old habits. He leaves it out for me as a way of being accountable. Yeah, I know if he wanted to cover his tracks or set up a different email account he could. But we are finally able to talk openly about this, and we will survive it.

All that to ask... what is your DH doing for you? If you're getting nothing, or he wants you to just forget about it, and he's not willing to address it, pretty sure nothing will change.

Wishing you well, and lots of happiness, whatever you choose.

I can see your point of view. Of course, he can be a good dad but not a good husband etc etc. but on the other hand, why should you lose large chunks of your child's life because he couldn't keep it in his pants?

everyone has reasons for staying and its your choice.

weigh your options but most of all protect yourself and your assets.

My guess is that she doesn't want him getting 50/50 because of the life that is currently happening in that house. If she is having all the SM issues there are lots of things going on that she doesn't want her baby exposed to a lot (like crappy parenting/favoritism of skid).

I don't think it's fair to say "you thought he was good enough to have a baby with him, why isn't he good enough to have 50/50?" I had kids with a psychopath because I planned to stay in my marriage forever no matter what. Well, no matter what caved in on me and I could not do it any longer (nor did I find out what was actually wrong with him until after). Hindsight is 20/20.

Thinking ahead, what can you see?

If it were me... I would live as his roommate and raise the child in the same house. No more sex. No more anything. Because I've seen what's out there and I wouldn't have another man in my home or remarry with a little girl. Go out and date if you want. Because he probably will regardless. You don't even have to make that agreement with him, just stop being married in your heart and the bullshit won't matter to you anymore. He can kiss bm's ass as much as he wants because it doesn't affect you. Take your baby out when you don't want to be around his shit. Live your life and if he doesn't like it, tough.

Floating the topic. It was buried pretty deep.

A man or woman who is an adulterous POS, cheater, of no character could not possibly be a good father or mother. They forfeit the most important elements of parenthood which is setting an example as an adult of character.

This kind of polluted POS can't possibly be a viable example of a man, husband, or father of character.

Nope, not buying it. This is one of those "Other than that Mrs. Lincoln, how did you like the play?" things. So other than the fact that he is a cheating, lying POS, he can be a good father?

Can he be a good provider? Sure he can.

Can he engage with his child? Sure he can.

Can he guide his kid? On some things yes but everything about him and everything he says is suspect for the rest of his life.

Can he be an example? Not where it counts.

Can me be a mentor? Who would want him to mentor their child? Even if the child is his? Would any of us want him mentoring our children?

Can he be a confidante? Not if he is expected to treat the information in confidence. He has proven himself untrustworthy.

By his own actions he stands convicted as a failed man, husband, and parent who this poor kid will sadly be saddled with for the rest of his life.

Hopefully mom will find a man/equity life partner of character to step up and step in to be a strong example of a man, husband, and father of character since this guy has failed this child in all of these areas. By putting this POS as far in her rear view mirror as possible, and by limiting the kid's exposure to this POS mom will be setting the example of what a woman and mother of character does to protect herself and her kid from this POS useless example of a "man".

IMHO of course.

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