What worked for us
Has anyone had to move away from their SO to make things work? I came to this site broken, miserable, and with no hope for anything that resembled happiness in my future. I had to check out of steplife but the love between my H and I was still there. The blended family issues became bigger than us and nearly destroyed our marriage. I moved out and couldn't be happier. My H and I are finally on the same page. I have all of the romance and none of the work or problems. Things aren't perfect, for him more than me, but I can finally say after years of feeling horrible I love my life and have no complaints about my H. I was curious if anyone here is in a similar situation, and how long things stayed positive.
- JoylessJourney's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
I've never had this
I've never had this experience, but I'm curious as to what you tell nosey nelly people when they find out that you and your H don't live together?
I know a lady who got remarried in her late 40's and she and her husband didn't live together. At the time I remember thinking that was so odd? Who in the world does that and what is the point of getting married? BUT that was BEFORE my step-life experience, so now I get it!
I have never lived with SO,
I have never lived with SO, but put my foot down and refused to move in when we were seriously considering it over the last few years. I have so many friends that have moved in with their SOs and wonder what's wrong with us, but I'm happy where I am, in my own home that I make 100% of the decisions in and don't have to share my space with anyone else. I still have to put up with the skids in the evenings and on weekends but at least they aren't around during the day since I work from home, I can spend as little time as I want at BDs house such as on the weekends and it's a lot easier to remain disengaged this way. I don't even bother anymore with trying to discuss anything regarding the kids with him because it doesn't matter anyway and the skids and myself pretty much just ignore each other for the most part.
It isn't what I originally wanted, but after years of arguing and disagreeing with nothing changing, it came down to this and I have accepted that we will likely never live together or have our relationship move any closer from where it is. Except maybe once the kids are grown, if that. If and when I decide that I want more out of life and a relationship I am free to make that decision, however for now I am content.
If you and your H/SO are ok with living apart and it isn't affecting spending time together, your love for each other then embrace it and accept it for now. Live in the moment, enjoy your life and try not to worry too much about what will or will not happen in the future.
DH and I actually tossed the
DH and I actually tossed the idea around a couple of times when SD16 was living with us and things were really bad... I mean even though he didn't necessarily see it, him discussing this was basically saying SHE was the problem.. which of course everyone knew.. DH just didn't like to admit it.
There have been some awkward
There have been some awkward moments when explaining thingthes Daizy but freedom from all that stress is more than worth it. Until someone has gone through what I did, they aren't in a position to understand or judge. I can't worry about what people who don't get it think.
Justhegirlfriend you and I are on the same page. Don't give up what you have. You'll regret it and the two of you probably won't even remember what made you love one another in the first place. Thankfully your SO accepts you without needing to force blending houses.
Marie I've honestly never been happier and my H and I are better than we've ever been. It isn't for everyone but may be worth exploring.
Ybarra you aren't far from the truth. Guilt parenting and the results of guilt parenting got to be more than I could handle. My resentment over what my life became was too much for him to handle.
About 2 or 3 months in to our
About 2 or 3 months in to our marriage I told dh maybe I should live in my own house on weekends when skids were with him and he could drop off ssthen11 at my house, too, so sdthen13 could have all his attention and so I could get out of the line of her fire.
He was shocked and appalled at this suggestion. It was the first thing that really got his attention. And here I thought we were having all these important conversations before that. But this girl was just allowed to be aggressive and cruel to me non-stop no matter how much we talked about it. But he absolutely did not want me to move away from him even for half the week. So he stepped up his game.
Recently we were having a discussion about something unpleasant (read: her) and he was talking and talking and talking and it was bullshit bullshit bullshit. I was waiting for my turn but the crap kept getting bullshittier and bullshittier. It was late at night, we were in bed, finally I just jumped out of bed, dragging my pillow with me.
"Where are you going?"
"Anywhere! I can't take this anymore! I just can't stand hearing another bit of it!"
Getting up and dragging his own pillow and blankie, following me out to living room, "No, no, go back to the nice bed, I'll sleep on the couch."
Ultimately our conversation, each on a separate couch, turned much more productive and we ended up going back to our bed together with the issue resolved. So in that case "moving away" from my dh by a few feet seemed to be more effective than anything else I could have done, too.
BTW, there were no kids in the house that night and I certainly didn't jump up as a strategy, I just had to get away from the bs anyway I could.