was this petty?
So my fiance and i have one credit card together that everything goes on. at the end of the month, certain things are taken out of the grand total and paid for by the individual. this is usually large "extras", for example, a plane ticket i bought for my mother to go to Florida, or work related stuff where we would get reimbursed.
my fiance took SD out twice this month, both were for relatively small charges for a total of about $20. i told him to take that out and pay for it himself. he did so, but commented that he thought it was stupid as my half would only be $10. i said i didnt want to pay for anything for his kid.
i get that it was only $10, but where does the line get drawn? And of course $10 over the course of a year would be $120.
im have guilt over this.
The amount does not matter,
The amount does not matter, it's his kid, he pays for anything he buys her. Why does he think you should pay half, no matter the amount, for HIS kid?
This is how it starts, $10 here, $10 there and on and on.
Conceptually your request is
Conceptually your request is not petty at all and neither is DH's comment about it only being $10 . And that is why the whole thing seems petty to me.
My wife and I married the week before SS-22 turned 2yo. Since then my bride has finished a dual major BS with honors, an MBA with honors, and is now a CPA, and I completed my MBA and a professional certification. We never separated finances or formally split any bills or costs of supporting our marriage our family or our individual educational goals. Since SS is an only child in our family he has had the benefit of the stability of the marriage between his mom and I and of our combined incomes. We each had our own credit card before we married and we retained that independent credit just to exactly that. Maintain independent credit.
I think it is far more work to split finances and micro manage who pays for what than it is to commit to equity partnership in marriage and navigate any major decisions jointly. That way a $10-$20 lunch with a kid is a non issue.
Seriously? Your half? NOT
Seriously? Your half? NOT your kid, so you aren't responsible for half of their little outings!
Rags, I think sometimes you do have to micromanage the finances, or someone ends up getting taken advantage of. Take my situation. I make considerably more than DH...his income is 2/3 mine. Technically, we share responsibility for BD24 and BS20, BUT DH adopted my kids, so yeah, that makes him responsible for them. My ex is no where in the picture, and had his rights removed from him. DH also got say in things such as discipline. Even then, I've always tried to keep primary responsibility for my bios. When they needed pickups from school and such, I did it myself.
With regards to HHB, her mother is still in the picture, and should be contributing her half...though, in her mind, DH is supposed to pay for all of it. And this is why I have to micromanage and draw lines! I have no say at all with the child...this has been made clear. Even when she lived in my home, I was basically told to back off. However, when HHB needs or wants something, I'm asked or expected to help...DH then says things like "she's your daughter, too"! NO SHE IS NOT! She is DH's and BM's daughter! So when it comes to stuff for HHB, he banks on income being combined, but I refuse to contribute a dime to that little brat! So, for all other things, yes, it is our finances. When it comes to HHB, I make sure I keep note of his income and his portion of the household expenses/bills to let him know what HE can or cannot afford for HHB!
So, yeah, I would be right there with Calypso telling DH that the total cost of his little outings with his spawn are all on him.
Certainly each blended family
Certainly each blended family situation is different. Since ours started when SS was a toddler and we had shit for nothing when we married other than two apartments worth of crappy college furniture, my 8yo pickup, and my newly printed degree building it together was what worked for us.
Now 20 years later my income is nearly 3x DWs and nothing has changed for us. We manage investments together and we make expenditure decisions together. What works for us may not work for all. But .... $10-$20/mo for lunch with his kid is way beyond the granularity of most micro management situation in my experience.
$hundreds in CS or other expenses is of course something else entirely.
That's what I was going to
That's what I was going to say too. You don't NEED to split finances with a bride who would never take advantage of your generosity.
I make considerably more than
I make considerably more than my DH as well. My BD does not live with us (a story for another day) his daughter SD14 does. We pool monies for the household expenses and everything else for her he has to pay for. Her BM contributes zero to her school fees, health insurance, clothes nothing. Not my kid not my problem.
I think I should become more
I think I should become more like you! It isn't petty at all. Your money...not your kid.