My girlfriend's daughter and the policy of Every Waking Moment
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I live with GF and her 7 year old. 50% custody.
The daughter has this idea that she should spend Every Waking Moment with her mother when she is at our house. If this does not occur, she accuses my GF of not caring about her enough, loving her enough, or some other crime. The girl, who is generally well-behaved, has difficulty entertaining herself. Her father appears to have the idea that Every Waking Moment is the way to go, so when the daughter is with us, that's what she expects. My GF has difficulty with guilt, so if her daughter accuses her of not loving her enough, she'll spend the rest of the day trying to please her. Thoughts? What is a reasonable amount of time?
Oh hell no.
Oh hell no.
Update (and thanks for all of
Update (and thanks for all of the responses)
"She'll never be happy..."
In response to the daughter's complaints about my GF not spending enough time with her over the weekend--despite EWM mode--my GF decided to leave work early today and pick her up from afterschool care. The daughter became very angry about this, because she wanted to continue playing. To my GF's surprise, she then complained that although they were together Every Waking Moment this weekend, it wasn't very fun. The daughter was crying and so forth when she got home. In response, my GF spent the rest of the night in EWM mode.
You start to lose respect eventually.
Your GF needs to grow a pair
Your GF needs to grow a pair and tell her ex and her daughter they don't run her life.
Hahaha. I feel for you, this
Hahaha. I feel for you, this is a terribly unpleasant situation, but I love the way you describe it. Every Waking Moment is right. Piss poor parenting. No matter how awesome your GF is, it's not worth it.
I've got lots of friends that
I've got lots of friends that have 8 or more kids, and I can tell you from my own experience and talking with them, that some kids actually are just more needy than others. Having divorced parents with 50/50 makes it even worse because if BOTH parents want to spend ALL their time with her since they won't see her next week, she ALWAYS has someone up her ass. They need to stop this. It isn't necessarily bad parenting, but they need to look at the big picture of her life and respond accordingly. However, I'm betting they each will keep doing what they're doing because they want to be the more loved parent. They should both parent her as if she will be there all the time.
^^^THIS^^^ Yup both parents
^^^THIS^^^
Yup both parents want to be the most loved. It's a competition. And usually if the SP doesn't want to participate in the "head up the kid's ass" then they are the problem, the bad guy and "you hate my kid" criminal!
I lived it!
Reasonable is what YOU and
Reasonable is what YOU and your SO decide. The kid gets no opinion IMHO. If anything this toxic spawn needs the message that she will give her mother and you privacy as the two of you dicatate and the spawn will spend regular time alone or outside playing either alone or with friends whether she likes it or not. Guilt has no place in parenting IMHO. Parents who operate from guilt are crappy parents. Period! A parents job is not to cater to what their kids want, a parents job is to raise a kid to viable adulthood. Kids who can manipulate their parents the way your SD mainpulates your SO rarely make completely to viable adulthood.
Though he did not have a problem being alone or entertaining himself, my Skid hated "out side" when he was in the 2-8ish range. It started when we moved into a rental duplex that happened to be right on an active rail line. The first thing we did was unpack his toys and put together his play scape and put him in the fully fenced back yard to play while his mom and I unpacked an set up the house. After a few hours of him playing in the back yard a train blasted buy with its airhorn blowing and the ground shaking. The kid freaked out. We heard a blood curdling scream and when we ran to find out what was wrong we found him hunched in the corner of the house and fence burried in his toys. That was the end of his voluntarily spending time outside.
A year later we bought a new home and moved. Even though we were miles from the train tracks he refused to go oustide to play. So every day we put him in the back yard for two hours whether he wanted to or not. He would climb to the top of his playscape, cross his arms, sit on the hand rail and not move for the entire two hours. His internal clock was so well honed that he would knock on the back door withing just a few minutes of 2hrs.
SS never had an issue being alone though. Except when it included "outside".
Duplicate
Duplicate
My SS12 is same way with DH.
My SS12 is same way with DH. SS follows DH to/from room to room. 12 years old and needs constant entertainment from daddy via Xbox, outdoor activities or phone gaming. At pickup it begins, "Daddy what are we gonna play today?" Kid has no friends due to psycho BM and her religious cult so DH feels sorry and caters to SS entire time he is here. Excuse my French but, Fuck that shit! My DD's 10&15 entertain themselves. I'm disengaged, so I can just watch, smile & do my own thing.
IMO parents that allow their kids to manipulate them into being up their ass EWM are contributing to the generation of lazy adults that want everything handed to them.
My nephew is like that, my
My nephew is like that, my sisters fault kinda. She always told him that his dad didn't want anything to do with him, that wasn't true,. anyway, she did everything for him. She played with him, she stood up for him, she did all mom and dad things, he had friends, he really had a great life with her.
It is and was sad that he didn't speak with his dad because of what she said, but come on seriously, he could have sought out a relationship too and so could his dad. But now he doesn't speak to her at all either, he's made up the most outrageous things that never happened. She's devasted, I don't get it at all.
I guess my point is really, don't give your life to another.
SD9 is a little bit this way,
SD9 is a little bit this way, but growing out of it. It used to drive me nuts, her following DP all over the place, wanting him to do everything for her. The whiney "Daaaaddyyyyy I'm booooorrrred." is like nails on a chalkboard - but DP has hardened against it at this point. If she's tired or sick, she'll revert back to doing it. And if she's with us for their time with DP, she completely takes up all space next to DP for movie watching most of the time.
SD11 has completely grown out of it within the last year.
Likely she's starting to push back a bit (as she actually didn't want to leave with your GF when she showed up early)? That's good, no? Too bad if she threw a fit because she had to leave anyway, but it sounds like GF needs to separate too. Unless she does, the dependence will only continue. I talked with DP about it because although he sort of knew it was not good, he had no clue what to do other than mollify her; the girl needs to learn to be independent. THAT is how well-behaved kids start IMHO.
I doubt he lives his life
I doubt he lives his life around her,more likely he doesn't but she's seem them fighting about her and knows she can pit one against another to get her way. The mother and father need to talk and put the brat in her place.
Does she want to be a strong person or forger whinny and coddled.
I doubt he lives his life
I doubt he lives his life around her,more likely he doesn't but she's seem them fighting about her and knows she can pit one against another to get her way. The mother and father need to talk and put the brat in her place.
Does she want to be a strong person or forger whinny and coddled.