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O Lord, hear my confession

Living the dream's picture

I do not love my husband's children. I care about them, in a way, but I do not love them. Unlike my husband, I am not sad when they are not here.

I don't wish this, because if it happened it would kill my husband, but it would not bother me personally to never see any one of them again. And they are not really bad kids; they are just not MY kids.

All the special meals I have made for them, Lord; all the shopping for birthday and Christmas gifts and remembering special days, because their father is clueless. Making sure that the oldest one's college bill is paid on time.

None of that is done out of love for these kids, Lord; if anything, it is done out of love for my husband. Having his kids over makes him happy, so I go out of my way to create incentives for them to come here. I feel like I'm trying to attract birds to a feeder sometimes.

Comments

SMLIFESUCKS's picture

My confession is similar except I stopped trying. Never once was appreciated, so now Daddy dearest must do it all. It sounds like maybe they aren't small, so at least there's that. I still have 10 more years of this. :?

SMof2's picture

WOW. The honesty is wonderful, and I can completely relate. We have had a really rough time connecting and blending. I have no children. I have lost several to miscarriage.
I am often made to feel bad when I say I don't love them. People who are not in this situation have no idea how it feels. In addition to not have your own children makes it even harder. His children despise me. They hate me being around. When I come around they get quiet and act all shy. I leave the room and they laugh play, joke, and pretty much do whatever for my husband's attention. This is so hard and I feel like I'm all aloe on an island.

Just J's picture

I'll admit I don't love my step kids either. They're not horrible people, they're just not mine. They didn't grow up to be how I would want my kids to turn out. SS24 is lazy, unambitious and a little weird and SD21 is frivolous, impulsive and a little slutty. They're both spoiled and entitled (thanks BM) and a little delusional about how the world works. I always felt a little intruded upon and put out on the weekends we had them when they were younger and DH didn't really understand what it was like for me to have someone else's kids invading my house. I don't think it's something anyone can understand unless they're in the situation. I don't have kids with my ex but I do know my DH hated my ex so I really don't think he'd have tolerated another dude's kids the way I tolerated another woman's.

new to this's picture

I not only don't love her, I don't like her. I don't like the person she is, she is selfish, selfcentered spoiled brat. She thinks she is better than other people all the while thumping her Bible at you. She is just like her mother!!! I tolerate her because she lives with us. I used to want things to be better but at this point I just want her graduated high school and hopefully she will move out.

DaizyDuke's picture

It drives me nuts that we as step parents have to feel "guilty" about NOT loving skids. Why do we HAVE to love them? Because society says so? Because our DH says so? I promise you that when DH and I married, he didn't suddenly decide to love my mother like his own. He didn't suddenly decide to love my sister like his own. So why is there this expectation that a step parent love skids like their own? AND you damn well better believe that if my mother or sister caused the drama that skids cause? treated me the way skids treat DH? DH would most certainly dislike them.

I used to like my skids. I really did, we got along wonderfully. and then... puberty hit. They became selfish, manipulative, ungrateful, little teenage snots.. what's to like about that?? My DH doesn't even like skids 75% of the time, so why they hell would I??

Lillian23's picture

"I promise you that when DH and I married, he didn't suddenly decide to love my mother like his own. He didn't suddenly decide to love my sister like his own. So why is there this expectation that a step parent love skids like their own?"
^^^^^THIS THIS THIS x100000^^^^^

That is so perfect, Daizy. In-laws, siblings...the relationship to them is the exact same as the relationship to an skid. But there's this expectation of parenting your skid that some men have. I do like my SS7, but I don't love him. I take good care of him when he's here, but he's not mine. I do that because I love my SO and he loves his kid and he's a pretty great father. Don't feel guilty. When I first came to this site I was wrecked with guilt and so confused about the feelings I was having. Now, having identified them, my mental health is so much better. Some one said once something to the effect of "Your only real job is to feed them, house them, and make sure they don't die." I thought to myself...I can do that. Anything extra is on me.

However, I do worry about puberty. I worry about it every single time I read something on here about teenagers and teenaged skids. Truly terrifying stuff sometimes.