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"Say something I'm giving up on you"

stepmom2011's picture

This song has been in my head for weeks now. I have not been on here for quite a while because I went back and was ashamed that I gave in. I gave in and went back to him. Then left again. This time I filed for divorce. I left in July and filed for divorce in August. I cannot cut him out of my life. But my heart is changing.

He is losing me. He is losing me because he will not fight for me. Over time I have come to realize that he was not committed to our marriage all along. Do I love him? Yes. Why else would I have spent this much time being mistreated? But love isn't love unless you prove it. I have proved I love HIM! In bruises! He has done nothing to prove he loves me except to throw money at the situation by maintaining two households.

The sad thing is that I still fight the urge to give in and go back!

Comments

going_to_kill_someone's picture

I know that feeling and know the song. It hurts to even listen it.

We all do give in, and we all do want to believe the goodness of our partners or things working out.

I also get affected the same way whenever I listen James Morrison - If you Don't wanna love Love me

No saint's picture

There are songs that bring tears to my eyes almost every time I listen to them, so I usually don't unless I really need to cry. I'm so used to showing a strong front that sometimes it's hard for me to cry...

No saint's picture

for me it's "Who knew". The lyrics make me think about all the times I expected the best and it turned so, so sour.

luchay's picture

OMG yes, Pink and Nate Ruess "Just Give Me a Reason" is one of my favourite ever songs, and also has this effect on me.

No saint's picture

As long as you're not watching the video; the hairdo of the guy always makes me giggle! Biggrin

misSTEP's picture

This is one of my favorite quotes: I'd rather be lonely than miserable. Please adopt it as your own and repeat as necessary to keep you from going back.

You might feel a pull to him for a long time. Please get out and try new hobbies and meeting new people. Not necessarily dating or anything, just things to get you out and your focus OFF of him.

stepmom2011's picture

OMGEE! I am making a song list! I love these songs!

Even just a few minutes ago my heart ached to go home with him. I won't. But that doesn't mean my heart doesn't hurt.

hereiam's picture

Your heart hurts for what you thought you would have with him, for who you thought he was.

There are a lot of things, feelings, that disguise themselves as love. Take a good look at him. What he has done to you, what he has NOT done for you. Is that the kind of person you would choose to love? To give your heart to?

It hurts and it's going to keep hurting until you decide that he's not worth it anymore, and you realize that you are worth so much more.

stepmom2011's picture

Everyday I fight the urge to go back to him. I still want him in my life. WHY?! Because my heart married his. To tear us apart is painful. No, I don't WANT to feel this. No, I don't want MORE of the kind of love he has given me. I still care about him. I don't want him to be lonely. But, I cannot be his entertainment. The cure of his loneliness. His companion. I do indeed want to be his friend.