just thinking about SS makes me want to throttle him!!
I don't want him to live with us anymore, he is a spoiled little brat, and more than anything he is sooo lazy!!! I know 12 year olds are not pleasant, but this kid takes the cake, mouthy, disrespectful, lazy, dirty, hateful, annoying, jelous, and spiteful kid I have ever met!! I just need a break!!! It doesn't help that BM tells him he doesn't have to listen to me and she tells him lies about DH all the time. She has sabataged everything Dh has done in raising SS and even Dh has sort of given up on him as a lost cause, he is starting to realize that things would be better if he wasn't living here, because when he is away for the weekend, things are sooo peaceful, and we had almost a 2 week break from him and his brother over the holidays, and it was so nice!!! even Dh agrees that SS is a rotten brat. It is soo hard not to say the things I feel about him to him, I know it would hurt him and he has hurt Dh and I so much with his temper and his vicious mouth. but I have to be the grown up and I don't know ho much longer I can go without telling this kid off, I feel like I am just teetering on the edge and ready to fall and just let loose on this kid, I feel like telling how much I hate him and how much trouble he has caused and that no one wants him!!! I know I can't say that... but oh how I want to!!!!
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OMG! I FEEL THE SAME WAY!!!
OMG! I FEEL THE SAME WAY!!! My ss12 makes me feel the same way and I feel absolutely horrible that I dislike him so much but he causes me so many headaches. He goes days(5, to be exact) without showering, ok GROSS! He eats with his fingersand when he's finished he looks like a 1yr old just learning to eat with utensils! Bottom line-he has no manners what-so-ever. He lies constantly and the bad thing is u can't tell he's lying. That's the bad part. My other kids know they don't even waste their time with lying cuz I can spot it before it even comes out but him...I just with hed go live with his nana and we see him once a month or something...horrible iknow but after 3yrs of the SAME CRAP!!! So I know exactly how u feel and have not one iota of advice for you. Maybe I can steal the advice you get! Lol! Good luck and I'm here!!! Don't post much but always read and sympathize!
I just don't want him, I
I just don't want him, I never had him I am not his mother( which he reminds me of constantly)I never wanted him and I just wish she would take back her friggin kid! Even DH is starting to realize that this kid is a lost cause( everytime BM sabatage's DH'd efforts) and DH is tired of fighting a losing battle with this rotten kid. I say let him go if he returns it will be with a whole new set of rules for him to follow... I will not allow that kind of behaviour in our house again!!!!!! F'ing little brat I feel like telling him off everytime i see him and I am hating him just writing about him, he disgusts me!!!!
You have written many posts
You have written many posts here vgill. And i know we all post our frustrations. But your dh here agrees , that he is a brat and that it is better with him out of the house.
Just tell your dh, to restructure the living arrangments. Since his mom said he doesn't have to listen to you and she has poisoned the child with lies, when he goes over to mom's. Dont go back to pick him up.
Get your dh to call her and say, he's yours now. I'm not taking him back. What is she goign to do, send him back???? lol...do it. Just get this over with and astop rackign your brains. Tell your dh, drop the 12 year old there and leave him at moms.
If mom doesn't want him,
If mom doesn't want him, arrange to send him somewhere else to live. Sounds like you are at the end of your rope and this kids is very abusive. Yah, he is taking it out on you because of mom,,,thats not right. Just because he is 12 doesn't give him the right. Has anyone told him off? Honestly, has anyone really told this kid off and basically told him he has no control in this house, send him to his room and make hiim stay there with nothing but empty walls? No interaction?
You have other kids to consider and its time to take action. Tell your dh you will no longer take care of this child and he is to be removed. He has to fix this.
ANd like i've said in another post...if the kid gets abusive, call the police.
we are hoping he is ready to
we are hoping he is ready to move out soon, and I just ignore him, I can't deal with his hatred anymore and I just concentrate on my own children, If he can behave like a human being then I will acknowledge his presence, but other than that I don't talk to him and when I am doing something for my kids I am sure to leave him out of it, as my children are wonderful loving, grateful and they love to be helpful(they are not perfect either , I have no dissilusions)So when I baught new sleds the other day he didn't get one, I took them out for burgers, not him, I helped them get ready for school, not him, I took them to a birthday party , not him, I let my kids have friends over , not him. As he doesn't deserve any of these privleges not the way he behaves. I have only been doing this for a couple of weeks and when SS can behave I am very nice to him but most of the time he can't go a minute with out say ing something mean,nasty or cruel so I am just walking away, Hopefully he will just leave us alone, and go mive with his mom, or he will wake up and start acting like a human being.
I teach my children 2 very important rules:
If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all!
And do unto others as you would have them do unto you!
These are great rules for any house and I don't expect perfection but i expect an effort! I don't think I am asking for too much!!
DH feels like doing this but
DH feels like doing this but doesn't want to damage his son, he was already abandonded by his mom while he was still in diapers and on formula and just in the last few years BM is starting to step up, DH doesn't want to cut the only stable link this boy has ever had with a parent. We are waiting for him to decide to go on his own! I think (hope) he will decide to leave soon as DH has started cracking down on him about his behavior(THAT HIS BM ENCOURAGES)and SSis rebeling even more, we both think he is on his way out(praying) but we both don't want to permenantly damage this boy, but oh how I would love to go upstairs now and put all of his things in garbage bags, and go pick him up from school and just drop him at BM's house and tell him that he no longer lives with us as we don't want a f'ing spoiled rotten lazy good for nothing little brat living with us any more and I don't like you, call before you come over so we can leave!! ARGHHHHH!!! Oh what a wonderful fantasy!!!!!
Bm's abonned him since
Bm's abonned him since birth..and now she is stepping up? She should just come and get them! Or its her tactic of revenge against you guys. uses her boys as pawns.
Keep your dh on full force against them. Do it everyday. Dont let up on one single thing.
Its a very difficult position you describe now. Knowing the bm never wanted them..i can understand your dh wants the stability. BUt what happens if the son gets violent with you or the kids. Gets physical...didn't you post once that he pushed you? Have you ever stood your ground vgill and told this kids, yes i'm not your mother and if you dont like it , go live with your mom? If you dont like it here, leave. You have a mom, Go to her! She says you dont have to listen to me. Go to her.
yes, its cruel but sometimes throwing that in their face makes them think. We've done that with sd. Even though she doens't live with us, she once did say 'mom says your not my mom...' I told her, yah that's true i'm not your mom, but i'm the adult and if yo udont listen, leave. I'm not your mom. I dont have to do anything for you. I owe nothing to you. If u dont like where you are, go.
She came back...why? cause i'm honest. I'll tell her off straight in her face. And as cruel as some people think that is, kids do appreciate a strong character. A fair character. I've always been fair with my skids...and they know it. They know where i stand.
Does your ss goes to counciling?
I have been debating wether
I have been debating wether or not to go that route and perhaps it is time that I did!! I just hope he doesn't go running to DH and cries(he is extreamly manipulative)she doesn't want me and she is being mean, boo hoo hoo!!! DH is a sucker for tears!
In fact the only thing DH and I have ever fought about is his rotten kids... that's it other than that we are perfect sweethearts!!
I think I'll do it next time the situation arises, that shouldn't take long, perhaps it will work perhaps it will backfire, I think it just needs said. Thank you, needed someone to let me know it's OK to say what I feel!!!