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Will SO finally ask me to marry him or .........

Ninji's picture

So this happened http://www.steptalk.org/node/209104

Then yesterday SO gets his W2 in mail and begins getting stuff ready to file his taxes.

I told him that I was upset that he was doing this (pretty much what I said in my blog)

He said, I know you told me last year. We go back and forth about it.

SO: "Your mad, your always mad"
Me: I'm not mad, I'm upset that BM ALWAYS has to be in our lives
SO What do you want me to not give her any of the money
(I refuse to tell him what to do, I'm just stating how his actions are making me feel)
I told him that it's crazy that anytime we ask BM to keep the kids on a weekend or when the school is closed (MLK Day, Presidents day), she can't because she has to work a double, EVERY SINGLE TIME.

If she is working so much, why isn't she able to claim them herself. The CO says she claims the both every year. She's lying to us about how much she works or she's lying on her taxes.

SO goes on line and files his taxes. I stay in the kitchen and cook. He keeps calling me in to help him. Part of me wanted to tell him to call BM for help, but I was trying to show him I wasn't mad, just hurt.

Then he's done and comes out of the room and tells me how much he is getting back. It's a lot (at least to me). And proceeds to tell me that now he can afford to buy me a ring.....

Bets on whether or not that happens.

Comments

moeilijk's picture

Oh, honey - I've SO been where you are. Different circumstances, but same relationship. I'm not with that guy now, and in hindsight it was probably the worst relationship I had. There were good points, don't get me wrong, but I never felt so unimportant to a partner before or since.

I hope he does get the ring and propose. And I also hope that once you see he's able to get serious, that you decide whether YOU want serious with this guy. Five years and he's not sure yet? I'd be having doubts too!

Ninji's picture

The funny thing is he talks about us getting married all the time and even tells some people that I'm his wife. I don't get what the hold up is. Just this past weekend he was talking about "When we get married blah blah blah" and I said, You know you have to ask first right?

He and BM were together for 6yrs and had two kids before he asked her.

I love him but if he doesn't ask me after making that statement, I kinda feel like he tied my hands. I can't say, oh well.

Sootica's picture

Not to be brutal but actions speak louder than words.If he wanted to marry you he would have done it by now not talked about how he will "one day" or allude to it. The hold up is that he knows whether he asks you to marry him or not you aren't going anywhere anyway.You seem like a lovely person and I feel annoyed for you that he clearly knows you are pissed now so tries to placate you with smoke and mirror promises about a possible ring sometime.

Sports Fan's picture

DH and I got married a year and a half ago. It has been worse almost since we said I do. If BM is in your lives this much now, it will only get worse. Don't get married to him until the kids age out or move on. Where's Orange County?

Ninji's picture

Lol, we had combined finances for all of two months. I couldn't take it....even if we do marry, I will never join money again

I agree about saving, the ring I picked is less than 1500 and I told him I don't even née one.....didn't get one with my first marriage until after we were married. We were young and broke Smile

Ninji's picture

I understand what u r saying but I wasn't ready two yrs in. I actually left for almost a yr and have been back for a little over a yr.

He does pay child support and I pay for half of our bills. But BM isnt claiming them. She's letting SO as long as he pays her

misSTEP's picture

Maybe he should be more concerned with giving YOU his extra money...rather than his ex.

If you do want to be asked and do want to marry him, I would make it contingent upon couples counseling with a focus on proper boundaries.

Disneyfan's picture

I wonder if mom owes back taxes or a student loan? There has to be a reason why she's willing to settle for just $1000. Surely she would get much more if she claimed the kids herself.

I bet they both know her refund will be snatched. If she claims the kids,neither one of them will get money. If he claims them, he gets a nice refund and she gets a cut of that. This little deal is a win for both of them.

Disneyfan's picture

So they are working together. The CO says she claims them each year. Her plan benefits the two of them. If he refuses to give her any of the refund, she will just stick to the court order in the future.

Having him give her anything would drive me insane. But if he could hand her $1000 and still have a nice amount left over, I won't make a fusd about it. Don't off your to spite your face.