Therapist tells BM shes the one that needs to change!
So SS has been having “anger issues” at BMs house. Hitting, spitting, biting, telling BM and her hubby that he hopes they die. Terrible stuff. Things that DH and I have never experienced with him. SS is always so sweet when he’s with us, he rarely has tantrums and when he does they are over before they really even start.
BM finally hit her max and couldn't take the behavior anymore so she asked DH if he could go to a therapist. DH agreed because he wants to figure out what’s going on at BMs house that’s causing this behavior (even though he’s pretty certain that it’s her parenting – or lack there of). BM has three kids with three different dad’s and her oldest had that same problem, great behavior at school and with dad, absolutely terrible for BM. So obviously BM is doing something here. Now there was a big argument trying to decide who SS would see. Since BM’s older child had this problem, she wanted SS to see the same person. At first DH was against it, but finally decided to go with that once. That way if there was something more, worse, going on they might pick up on that having seen similar problems in the older one.
Well they had their first session and BM, DH, and SS all went together and the therapist spent the majority of the time talking with BM and DH trying to figure out what’s different in the two households. At the end of it the therapist basically confirmed that DH and I are taking the age appropriate steps for discipline, while BM is being far too aggressive. DH said that the therapist basically told BM that she needs to change the way she parents or SS is never going to respect her. For example you cannot discipline SS for hitting, by hitting. Both BM and her hubby spank the kids (which is a completely different argument, since legally her hubby is allowed to spank, in our state, which is a big issue for DH, who is VERY against spanking).
I couldn't help but to feel a little victorious after hearing how it went. Especially since BM tried to blame DH and I for his aggressive behavior and anything else he does wrong. It was nice to have a professional say they DH and I are doing what we should be doing and BM and her man are the one that needs to make adjustments (which would have been obvious to the average person) She was also trying to blame his poor behavior on ADD/ADHD. UGH she’s something else.
The old ~ it's not me ~~>
The old ~ it's not me ~~> it's him.
Hell we are all not perfect but BM really needs to objectively look at herself & see it.
My BM tried to have me discipline my SD ( positively ) ~ ( some mind shrinking thought process ~ which probably would have worked on a kid that would do better in a vocational school type of measure ~ not the Narcassistic devil she spawned ~ giving the ultimate manipulator the steering wheel ~ Hell to the fuckin no ~ you delusional asshole.
No ~ when the spawn ~ cuts the screen to windows to escape my home does not mean positive discipline is in order.
What the fuck ~ just the title positive discipline ~ who in world thought of that ??
I hear ya! I was a nanny in
I hear ya! I was a nanny in college and I worked for a family that believed in "positive discipline" and when I started their five almost six year old was still in diapers and NEVER picked up after himself. I was only there for three months, but by the time I left he was using a toilet like he should be and he would pick up everything he took out.
Stern parenting/discipline doesn't mean you need to emotionally, physically or verbally abuse the child. It just means you stand your ground and have certain expectations for your child. As long as they know and understand you expectations, most of the time they will follow.
The step-parents are coming
The step-parents are coming in for the next session, the reason being SS's new step-dad is part of the problem so they didn't want him in for the initial meeting so they could talk openly about the situation. I am totally fine with the three of them going in together, I'm actually the one who suggested it. BM is a chronic liar so I wanted DH to be there for the initial meeting so that she couldn't spin a bunch of lies and give the therapist a different view of how things are. With them both being in together and SS there too, no lying could happen because SS will call you out if you lie.
Dh and BM went to counseling
Dh and BM went to counseling with SD. I thought the counselor would tell the parents something useful but she never did. The time spent the three of them in there together was actually minimal, just the last fifteen mins of a couple sessions.
I didn't care, I just wanted the girl to get some help. Sadly, the counselor was less than mediocre and the whole thing was a waste of time.
What I would really like is to drag that girl to a much better counselor by myself with neither of her parents present. Those two really so no wrong with their kid so in fairness to the counselor she was working in the dark anyway. It will never be possible for me to take that kid in myself so I have little interest in going with the parents. Well, really, in any situation where BM was present. BM just sucks all the oxygen out of the room.